My divorce was nasty and it ended up that my son stayed with his dad at the age of 7 and my daughter ended up with me and she was 10 at the time, that was 12 years ago. My son ended up being my x's wife, doing laundry, cooking etc. I guess you would call these chores, but I always felt bad that he was left with my husband. Should i try to explain to him why things went the way they did, or leave sleeping dogs lie.

Your son is 19 now? What kind of relationship do you have with him? Does he question you about this.

Writing it down may be a very good idea, whether he ever reads it or not. It may help you be more clean, also give the opportunity to use the correct words in anticipation that he does read it.

I think this is a very complected situation, would need more info to offer more direct ideas or help...

I would maybe start out with a vague talk to him .. just to see if he even felt like taking a step deeper into the conversation. And seeing how he reacted at first.

I know my mom always tried to have full blown talks with us about what happened ... and sometimes i just didn't feel like talking about it. Sometimes she would force me to talk a little anyway and i would end up angry.

It just depends I suppose. But because i didn't want to talk much about it .. I ended up as that angry kid for a long time. I understood later on though ... but I was still angry.

Does he want an explanation?

You say that your son became your "Ex's wife" since when wife = skivvy? that's what I want to know
Your son lived in a household where the "ex" brought the money in and the chores had to be shared. What is wrong with a man doing laundry? I do it all the time and when my boys are old enough they will do too.
Last but not least show your son that the fact that you fell out of love with your "ex" does not mean to say you did not love your son and let the bygones be bygones.

I worded that wrong, I meant that my x made my son into sort of his little "wife" doing all the things I did, chores, etc. nothing wierd going on here... I was married to a man and we divorced, that's it.

I often have tried to explain things to him that way back when it just didn't go down the way I had expected, and also I have repeatedly tried to tell both the kids that. They seem to get it and my son says he understands, but I feel they don't and feel he wonders why.

I often have tried to explain things to him that way back when it just didn't go down the way I had expected, and also I have repeatedly tried to tell both the kids that. They seem to get it and my son says he understands, but I feel they don't and feel he wonders why.

I don't think it much matters if he's wanting an explination now...or ever. Write it on the chance that he someday may want one.

I know I truly would love to know the "behind the scenes" with my parents divorce. I think it would help to answer questions I have. No such luck with me though...

Take him to coffee & talk.

Show the personal factor.

He knows I love him more than life itself, and of course now he is trying to find himself...figure out what he wants to do with his life, so he is busy but we talk and have a good relationship. I guess it's me who feels guilty of all the lost years when I did not see him as much as I had wanted to. Even though I was a part of his life as much as I could have been.

Oh god, I have to get this right ,,you have not seen your son nor his sister seen him,,in twelve years??

Can I ask what you were angry at, because I was an angry teenager and I had both parents...

Writing it all out can be good therapy for both of you.

I dont know what to say I dont have kids and I have never been married.

Having seen so many different scenarios in my time I think this is more a self guilt feeling than owing an explanation.
What seems to be so immense to some is so trivial to newer generations you could not believe it. They often wonder "what is all the fussing all about"

No we see him all the time, it's just that he has lived with his dad since he was 7 and my daughter lived with me since she was 10, we live in the same town and close to one another, i saw my son and my daughter saw him, we all saw one another, it's just that I hated that my son was with his dad, and not with me. I still feel responsible that he lost his mom, not really lost, just lived apart from him

Yeah, he strikes me that this is the way he feels. No biggie he says, but I know it was hard on him, losing his mom and sister at the same time, and only being 7 to face the world.

OK,,I have a son who by law and NOW, by birth,,is my biological child,,,he is now 30 years old,,I raised him to believe that I was his real dad,,,but HE was not born to me.
His birthcertificate had no dad on it,,so I LIED to change his name to mine,,SO HE BECAME my real son,in a sense,,
So now I kept that from him until he was 21 years old so it couldn't damaged his growing any younger of an age...
BUT, at are 13 he wanted to live with his mom, so we talked I cept custidy of him legally, but he went with her and stayed except for summers with me. HE and I have talked many times about then, and now and growing,,,,I have regrets for allowing him to go,,but see at THAT time, and him not knowing the truth, how could I have been honest with my self if when he asked to live with his REAL MOTHER,
that I wouldn't of let him,,,as I wasn't his real dad..
SO I think through time if you both can share this more, now that hes older,,TALK to him,,tell him your pain, and let him know.
WE cannot go back and change what has happen. But we can ask and know all questions we both have,,,and that bonding will last forever, and it will help THEM to feel what you went through, as did they....Good luck,,,,,,,

IMHO I think you can write whatever you like but I would not push it on my son unless he asks for it. He didn't have choices years ago but he does now. Or twenty years from now.

You made a choice years ago to let his Daddy be his family and raise him and rehashing it now when he is trying to move into his own independence is selfish.

You say you have an amicable relationship and I would count my blessings for that and let him move forward in his life the way he sees fit rather than playing the last act of your divorce. You might not like the final chapter if you force it now.