There was another thread where an honest perspective was given about someone being out of someones league.

Why is it so many people are worried about change in life? I.e Why is it we hear about how we don't want to be changed by anyone. I understand that enjoying who we are as a person is needed for our confidence and self worth. But what about things that might actually be good for us as a person.

So what are your thoughts or ideas on things that we would consider to be acceptable changes of ourselves and where do you draw the line in thinking your turning into something someone else wishes you to be instead of yourself.

i have tried the change thing.i understand why some want to change the other into this kinda person they want.one must understand that most people do not like change.yea life is always changing and one can count on that. if another person wants to change another to what they want it will never work.

I don't think it is so much making positive changes in your own life, it's more the changing for someone else, because they don't like who, or what you are.

That's my only gripe

Please don't try and change me


I've never been anything but what I am. I'm sorry but it's the truth. Through all the ups and downs of my life I have always remained who I am. Why? I don't know but I thank god that's the case!

I accept you as you.

U should never change for someone else.U shoud always just be yourself.If they can't except u for who u are then they aren't the right person for u.Besides u should always just love your self.

I think the biggest one for most people is faith/belief. Whether it be religion or morals, I believe this affects people's judgement and ability to see other possibilities the most. For me, I desire education on a worldly level, and refuse to limit myself to 'one and only one way.' Religion? Not a big fan, although there is greatness to learn from it, but too often solidified into people in a manner that leaves no room for other interpretation or other realities. I believe in my heart - whether it be God, Buddha, or the spirits of people now past - this resides. I will readily embrace change and differences as long as it does not cross the line my heart says should never be, such as hurting & using people, violence outside of severe protection-purposes, dishonesty, etc.

I think a lot of people are indeed so focused on their image and what is thought about them, they feel the need to defend who they are now and see anything else as an attack or a forceful demand of change, instead of a door opening or just simple opinion. There definitely is a need to be individual, yet so many are very quick to conform even if they are not truly believing.

If somebody does not cross my lines of integrity, honor, love and justice, I need no change even if I would wish it. It is our differences that makes the world go 'round, but also realize that without the understanding and will to look at change, review it and consider the possibility of acceptance and ability to embrace something outside of our own personal experiences. If somebody is not willing to look at these things or try something new for those that matter (whether they are in your life or just the good people of Earth), there is no desire for that person.

.....there was something else.... but my brain doth fart.

Personally I do enjoy who I am. However I know I am not perfect and can improve upon myself. Like smoking for instance I know its not healthy and I have quit before because my SO didn't smoke. Would that be considered changing yourself for another?

I think it has to do with being perceived as 'needed to be changed'
You'd be perfect "if", equals 'not quite good enough' as you are right now.

But people DO change over time.

I think there's something to be said for flexibility and compromise.

Having said that, I also have to point out that almost everyone I've ever been involved with, has made it their personal project to try to change me into someone I simply cannot be -- we're not talking "working on a bad habit" here, we're talking about absolute, radical anathema.

And they all lied going in, saying there was nothing about me they wanted to change. 90 days later, it's goat time.

Oh yes! I remember, thanks to Ladylid.

My beliefs would be meaningless and unacceptable if I did not practice it myself. For me, showing others the way of change within myself is only the first part, though very important. It helps to see somebody rise up to the challenge for it can inspire and give proof to those who doubt. But the real hard part is doing this for others in a way that is non-intrusive and remains caring about that person more than a personal opinion. To share beliefs and differences with another without saying 'this is right/this is wrong' is extraordinarily difficult... not just for the one speaking, but for the one receiving. It is far too common for people to take things personally when they are not, and the lack of attempt for communication and understanding can make this all but impossible, especially if one does feel insulted, betrayed or attacked by such vision.

I think that would be considered a positive change for you.

Truth be told, well put

Believe me if I can stop so can u.it will be a year next month.

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I believe the only time a person should speak of changing another is for the benefit of the changee, not the changer. If I offer views and pathways, I do it for their sake. A personal agenda behind an influence of another's life is unacceptable to me. Any change should be done for yourself, but if you change something because of the influence of another... that is not always bad. It could be a good thing for you, which in turn would be a good thing for them. This is not always a separated so its somewhat presumptive and hastily done so to think that another is the reason why. What is good for one can also be good for many, and a good change for yourself can be great for others and sometimes not possible without them there to help, care and support you. I know I would certainly change aspects about myself for those I care about, because to increase the happiness and health of another's life is a great and powerful change for me as well.

I had quit for a while but then I started again. But there is the point I was trying to make.

Where do we draw the line on what we feel is a positive change for us or us trying to make ourselves what our SO wanted us to be instead of what we are.

Guess I deviated a bit there huh....

Not really. Rambling is a pure form of thinking.