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| Topic: My Mama always said.... | |
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I hope you have 10 kids just like you!
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This is what my mom told me once-
"... if you get married and your wife is expecting a child, don't let her pee up in the mountains, as the baby will be afraid of heights..." It should also be noted that I'm DEATHLY afraid of heights. 
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"JohnPaul ******* " I knew I was in for it when I heard the full name dropped.
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No mom when I was a kid. But, my Dad had me convinced that he did a backflip out of the shrubs and punched Hitler in the nose...(He was a Karate' grand master)..Go figure, as a kid...I believed him. Didn't figure it out till I was in 8th grade. Too bad he had my birthday off by a week for 16 years....up until I joined the military and saw my birth certificate..."WAIT A MINUTE!! My birthday is a week earlier?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"
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"Mind your P's and Q's even if your not the smartest or the strongest if you have good manners people will like you." I always liked that one so I make sure I do what my mom did with me and drill it into his head at every opportunity.
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No mom when I was a kid. But, my Dad had me convinced that he did a backflip out of the shrubs and punched Hitler in the nose...(He was a Karate' grand master)..Go figure, as a kid...I believed him. Didn't figure it out till I was in 8th grade. Too bad he had my birthday off by a week for 16 years....up until I joined the military and saw my birth certificate..."WAIT A MINUTE!! My birthday is a week earlier?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" Oy vey... 
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Do as I say not as I do?
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My favorite one has always been:
"You're just like your father" It's the worst insult she could come up with...*shrug* Oh and: "Taking a bath during your period makes you bleed more" Ok...my eye is twitching now.... |
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"What the hell are you doing up there it sounds like a herd of buffalo running around!"
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"I hope you're kids are EXACTLY like you"
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"I hope you're kids are EXACTLY like you" Funny...my Mom said: "Don't you DARE have kids"....I wonder what she meant by THAT??? lol |
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This whoopin's gonna' hurt me worse than it will hurt you.
Screwed up once and told her to give me the belt and let's see if it was true. Had to wear long sleeves and long jeans to school for a week after that one. |
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My mom never repeated anything.
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"Just wait until YOU have kids...it'll come back to you ten fold!" *I have no idea why she'd say that...I was a perfect little * Mine always said that if you hold a wooden nickel between your knees that that would never happen.... Mine said "hold an aspirin" 
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" I'll pull the car over and make you walk home!"
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oh and most importantly "don't eat yellow snow"
I wished I would have listened (I was 5, ok) 
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No son, you will go blind if you keep doing that!
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"If you don't like it you can go pound sand."
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If you crap in one hand and wish in the other which do you have the most of?
If you want something done right you have to do it yourself. Bad men come a dime a dozen, you have to throw away a lot of fish before you catch the right one. |
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Her classic response when I asked why she wanted me to do something:
Don't ask why, just do it. What if there had been a snake over your head and I just told you to duck? |
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