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| Topic: What about long term gratification instead of instant. | |
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Referr back to my definition. Totally agree "Friends with Benefits" is a very limited list. You mention that you got played? Can't happen unless you allow it. Understand the pain & loneliness that can cloud our decisions, mix some alcohol & we really make mistakes.
So, if this guy is your only safe outlet, at the moment, take it for just that. "Itches" need scratched at times. Anyone that disagrees with that, is not being truthful. So go easy on yourself & use this group as a sounding board. Talk to some of the ladies, via mail. We don't need to know everything. Music, Carol & Betty are all good solid minded ladies. Been thru what you are going thru. TALK to them, woman to woman. Bet it helps. Gotta run busy day ahead. |
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Don is right Sweetcheeks I have been
through this before and it hurt like hell! But now instead of beating myself up for it I am learning from it. The warning signs were always there I just chose to ignore them . that was the lesson I learned in all of this do not take a blind eye to warning signs. There is a big difference between Mr. Right and Mr. Right now and only you can decide which one is Right for you!! |
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No problem Vivian and I didn't take it anyway, this is the place to let our feeling out and I love it. My problem is I let this **** back into my life after he did me dirty once and he did it to me again, so shame on me. I am more mad at myself than I am at him, and then he had the nerve to say give me some time and maybe it will work then. I don't think so. And he wasn't even all that, arggggggg.   LOL....believe me, I do understand. I did the same thing..twice!! Makes a person wonder about themself...and their sanity. But it will pass..a time for everything, as the old saying goes. It's hard to learn to trust again...but without trust, nothing works. Ya know? Friends come to you from the strangest places, people you would have never thought about befriending can be your saving grace. But you have to open not only your mind, but your heart also. So please take a deep breath and go for it! |
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No problem Vivian and I didn't take it anyway, this is the place to let our feeling out and I love it. My problem is I let this **** back into my life after he did me dirty once and he did it to me again, so shame on me. I am more mad at myself than I am at him, and then he had the nerve to say give me some time and maybe it will work then. I don't think so. And he wasn't even all that, arggggggg. |
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Hang in there sweetcheeks. Don't beat yourself up. Love yourself. It will get you through the hard times.
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Very true Carol.
One thing that is great about you is your daughter is number one and at that age she should be. Do you have older kids too? |
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Very true Carol. One thing that is great about you is your daughter is number one and at that age she should be. Do you have older kids too? I also have a son 2 yrs younger. They both graduated from college in the same week. He is in AZ. |
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Hi all, yeah my friends down here in Florida are going thru the same thing, we are tired of guys who just want sex. we want an old fashioned relationship. sex is great but gravy without a biscuit dont get it.
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Good way of putting it girlie :)
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Thank you all so much for the sound advice. My husband has only been gone 5 months although the accident was in Oct 2007 and he never came home. I miss HIM so bad and felt so alone that the signs that where everywhere with this man didn't matter at the time and I never thought I would have to be single again. So yes leason learned and as I heal everyday and meet all you very nice people and am making friends of both sexes, I know I will be ok and I am started to be very verbal about what I want. Was hoping I would only have to go out with one guy and everything would be ok lol
I have children from 34 to 7 and 2 grandkids 4 and 18 months. I have alot to deal with right now so you are right take it slow and try to open my heart again, scary cause it is broken not from the ****head but with my late husband. Thanks again all I really like this place and really like the forums.  Kandy |
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Yeah it hurts when you stick your neck out there only to get hurt. Especailly after what you've been through. I just wasn't going to look again and to have more disappointment is hard.
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I am not being greedy just want one good man just one. One that is willing to take the time to get to know me and me him. Oh well...
 Carol what part of the world do you live in?
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We all want the same. Were all just a half century and have life issues some would rather stay alone than deal with it. And then we all really sreach for love. There is always going to be users too but there is good out there :)
Texas :) I know MO pretty well have family there and Michigan. |
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Hi Everybody,
Wow, this topic caught my interest! It's like future shock out there. For me, I feel I came from the generation that said you catch each other's eye, go out a few times and after that MAYBE some light hanky panky in the car. If it went any further it tied the two of you together as going steady/a couple and the girl lived in fear of her reputation going in the dumper or the guy thionking you were "that kind of girl". So, now here I am in 2009 and I am sort of fearful of the formal dating because of what it could lead to. Sort of like being in the habit that you MUST have bread with dinner. Dinner can float along quite nicely without the bread. Not that I don't ever want the bread. I just don't want to feel that I'm expected to have it. And the bread HAS to be different by now! 
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I must say that I am in agreement with you. No, I don't think all men are the same but maybe it's the internet thing that men hide behind. They can say anything they want to here and be sooooo different when they meet you. I had one guy that on the second date wanted me in bed, not for sleeping, and got really mad when I told him no. I made it clear up front that sex isn't the first thing to build a relationship on and if it happened it would be only after we had made a commitment. His answer was, "Well, if we arent' compatible in bed, we probably aren't compatible in any other way." Needless to say, there was no respect and it was the last time I ever talked to him. And what is so funny, he continued to mail me like it never happened. There was another one that on our first meet had bed room ideas and I again had made myself clear long before we met. WHAT PART DO THEY NOT UNDERSTAND? I know there are some really great old fashion guys out there but I haven't found one yet. There is one guy I met on Plenty of Fish about a year ago and there were no falsehoods about him. We have not been intimate or anything like that but we have become very close friends. It's sad to say that in this day and time values, morals, and respect are rare. And I say this about both sexes.
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I have been single for 12 yrs. now. Couldn't get serious, if I wanted to, till I clear up some tax crap. I am up front about where I stand & used to date alot, last few yrs, have just gotten tired of what I call "the game." Women are just like men, most are out there for "the most they can get." Have dated some like myself, not looking to get serious. From what I am reading, I need to ask a question. "WHY DO YOU PEOPLE FEEL GUILTY ABOUT SAYING NO."
I expect people to ask me for things, all the time. I chose to say yes or no. I chose on my mood, needs, desires & thoughts. If I chose no & they get pissy, that's their problem. I NEED to look myself in the mirror. END OF SUBJECT. If I chose to say yes & it ends bad, MY FAULT for saying YES. I have an old saying, "Ask for anything; worst that can happen is I get my face slapped." So ladies, expect to get asked, say what you will & let them tell their story walking. I have been told "NO" my share of times & still continued seeing that person. Might ask again or might not. Quit worrying about it. Just make sure you can "look you" in the mirror, EVERY MORNING. THOUGHTS???? |
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Good one :) I like me in the mirror :) think I'm great inside and out :) I diffenently want someone that can look in the mirror. Perfect who is the eyes tell the story.
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I have been single for 12 yrs. now. Couldn't get serious, if I wanted to, till I clear up some tax crap. I am up front about where I stand & used to date alot, last few yrs, have just gotten tired of what I call "the game." Women are just like men, most are out there for "the most they can get." Have dated some like myself, not looking to get serious. From what I am reading, I need to ask a question. "WHY DO YOU PEOPLE FEEL GUILTY ABOUT SAYING NO." I expect people to ask me for things, all the time. I chose to say yes or no. I chose on my mood, needs, desires & thoughts. If I chose no & they get pissy, that's their problem. I NEED to look myself in the mirror. END OF SUBJECT. If I chose to say yes & it ends bad, MY FAULT for saying YES. I have an old saying, "Ask for anything; worst that can happen is I get my face slapped." So ladies, expect to get asked, say what you will & let them tell their story walking. I have been told "NO" my share of times & still continued seeing that person. Might ask again or might not. Quit worrying about it. Just make sure you can "look you" in the mirror, EVERY MORNING. I agree with you Don, you or me are the only ones who can hold our selfes accountable for what we do or not do. We have to live with our decisions. I for one don't want to hurt anyones feelings, but in the long run, I have to take care of ME. It's my choice if I wake up alone every morning...maybe someday that will change, but right now the person I look at in the mirrow is happy with what she sees. THOUGHTS???? |
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Clean'd up your multiple posts.
I am glad you can look in the mirror & enjoy your choices. I stand by all of mine, good or bad, I am what I am & that's all that I am. |
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Clean'd up your multiple posts. I am glad you can look in the mirror & enjoy your choices. I stand by all of mine, good or bad, I am what I am & that's all that I am. |
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