In this fast paced world of ours is there anyone out there that is willing to take the time to try and find long term gratification. Can we just slow dowm and get to know each other? We are all so complex, and complicated and have personalities, why can't we take the time to learn that about each other. I would hope that my next relationship will be my last, how can I make such an important choice or how can the other person if no one is willing to ask the RIGHT questions of each other and to pay attention to who we really are? Sex questions do play a role bit in the first conversation?????
Just Venting
Kandy

It's not like it used to be is it? You know, when you would see a man you thought was attractive. You both flirted with eye contact untill the guy got up the nerve to talk to you. You talked to each other and, had a nice time. Started dating and, it went from there. Not anymore. Boy, oh boy, has it changed and, not for the better. Dating has turned into a fast food drive through. You can't seem to get through the line fast enough anymore. WHat happened to pic-nic's and, the like? Taking thing's slowly?

You got that right shoes. And then everyone is moaning and groaning about not finding anyone that is REAL. Wonder why?

That's why dating is out for me fir awhile!

I so wish that thing's were different.

Yeah oh for the time you met someone in the real world in the real way. People actually tried to be on their best behavior, had manners and unless you were in high school, you didn't have to car wrestle. Girls you know what I'm talking about lol. At least back in the day they took you to dinner before trying to get in your pants.

I think most want it but fear it. And it is all about money. So friends with benefit is the big thing. Sure isn't how we grew up and to be here now. Blah
So I keep the faith if I find him I find him.

I agree that there are alot of men & women out there just looking to get laid. But to lump all of them as being that way, I won't go there. I date & don't get laid, hell I spent 5 days on the beach in South Carolina, slept together every nite & didn't have sex. Lady just was having some religion problems & we dated for quite awhile that way.

Besides I want to take this a step farther. Each INDIVIDUAL is responsible for saying "YES" or "NO". No guy can have sex with any lady, unless she agrees. Excluding rape, of course. So now I ask, is it the guys fault, hell yes he may ask; but you are 50% of the answer. I have been told "NO" my share of times, never stopped dating a lady due to an answer about sex. If that does make a differance, you would rather know up front. Wouldn't you??

I just want to keep all this in the proper perspective.

QUIT seeming to put this all on the guys & it is NOT all the guys.

I don't think it is just men that do this, both sexes are guilty of wanted it NOW and not willing to put the effort into building a relationship. I think when woman are posting and they aren't bi-sexual they are speaking of their experiences with men. I'm not male bashing I love men. They can be very entertaining.
I would also like to add that this "friends with benefits" in my opinion is another quick way to get laid and not have to give anything of yourself. Of course this is just my views. I am starting to think I will be single and alone for the rest of my life as I hate bullshxt and have less and less tolerance for it.

LOL...I guess you never had a friend with benifits? Too bad..It's not just quick way to get laid. I have one and he is one of the best friends I have ever had. We agree that we are not right for each other, but we have fun going out and doing things together, a lot of laughing, and we can tell each other our deepest darkest secrets with out fear of being rejected or laughed at. We don't see each other very often, just 2 or 3 times a year.
You really should try it. Men are more than entertaining, much more.

I was trying to make the point that for me one friend with benefits would be all I would need but I don't think I wrote that. And I was being silly about men being entertaining. I been married to someone since I was 18 and I do know men, just making a funny. If I just want to get laid I don't have to advertise on the internet. Looking for someone willing to put time and effort into forming a relationship and it would be well worth it for them.
The last time I was single I was the player and there isn't a game out there that I havn't seen or tried myself, want to do it right this time.

Yes your right I want long term relationships either friends or other. I'm not just for being in the moment. I never want to be with someone once they walk out the door I will never see them again. The same with friends. But I'm a scorpio I make loyal friendships and I like it that way.

I hear ya Carol plus you got to know who your are dealing with. People in their 50's are the ones getting AIDS faster than other age groups right now. I don't mean to get anyone upset ot insulted, whatever floats your boat about the friends with benefits.

Yeah because they think we are not that premissquis at this age but it is neive it only takes one time.

I think we need to get a couple definitions here.

Friend with Benefits -- This would be a lady that I can feel very close to. Understands & accepts me, with no ideas of even trying to change me. What happenes behind closed doors, would be OUR business & ours only. If we chose to be intimate, the only strings would be rooted in "mutual respect. This type of person would be a rare & valued "FRIEND".


Player ( or many other poss. names) -- A person who runs around looking for "multiple" Friends with benefits. This person wouldn't really be looking for friendship, just lots of notches on his headboard. Does NOT qualify for even being a real friend.


Thought this might help with understanding this thread.

Very well said Sage

Well Don again I must say that you are correct. I hate admitting that lol. Yes I think I am blending the player and the friend thing and I shouldn't be doing that. I still think you should limit how many partners you are benefiting though, you were the one that told me about the AIDs in our age group.I am all about not wanted to become anyones project nor would I do that to anyone I was seeing. I just got played by the same man 2x and I am really mad at myself for getting played and I knew I was getting played so shame on me. That's what has had me on a roll today. I need to step up my game or get smarter real quick.

Sweetcheeks, Hope I din't come on to strong earlier, didn't mean to..
No one likes a player....but you really can't lump everyone in the same pot...I hear your pain...we've all been there or we wouldn't here!! I'm certainly am not advocating multiple sex partners...sometimes sex has nothing to do with friendship between a man and a woman. Loosen up and let someone into your life...

No problem Vivian and I didn't take it anyway, this is the place to let our feeling out and I love it. My problem is I let this **** back into my life after he did me dirty once and he did it to me again, so shame on me. I am more mad at myself than I am at him, and then he had the nerve to say give me some time and maybe it will work then. I don't think so. And he wasn't even all that, arggggggg.