100% FREE ONLINE DATING
sponsored links
Previous
| Topic: End relationship now or later? | |
|---|---|
|
|
|
Why is everyone talking in "Neanderthal-speak"? Probably because the post started out as a generic question and it just kept going from there. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
"If you were in a dead end relationship, wouldn't you look too?" No, I wouldn't be looking. I would totally be out of the relationship first. Then I would allow myself time to heal and re-learn who I am as a single person. I would not be have anything to offer anybody until I get myself together. "How do you know what is out there if you don't look?" That's not important to me unless I'm totally out of a relationship and have healed. Actually, I can't even relate to that question - "What is out there....." "Is it Man or Woman who is ripe for rebound?" The next person that you're with could be a rebound. But...that's just me. Man appreciates your candor & your opinion. Granted, Man has been with one person for almost 1/2 of his life. This is new & uncharted territory for him. He is trying to do what he thinks is best for himself & family. Only time will tell if his choices have been correct. Good luck. 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Man should've left years ago.
Man should go hunt for new woman. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
It isnt anyones decission except those involved but I was in a similar situation... my son wanted me to wait till he was 18... I said I would but I couldnt take it... so I left before he turned 18 & he resented me for almost 2 years... he didnt even want to see me the first year!!! It was a rollercoaster ride of a relationship with him... I am just saying... it may be fine it may not happen the same way... but if I could do it over again I would wait.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Why is everyone talking in "Neanderthal-speak"? Me Phuque woman, make man happy |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
"If you were in a dead end relationship, wouldn't you look too?" No, I wouldn't be looking. I would totally be out of the relationship first. Then I would allow myself time to heal and re-learn who I am as a single person. I would not have anything to offer anybody until I get myself together. "How do you know what is out there if you don't look?" That's not important to me unless I'm totally out of a relationship and have healed. Actually, I can't even relate to that question - "What is out there....." "Is it Man or Woman who is ripe for rebound?" The next person that you're with could be a rebound. But...that's just me. i totally agree with winx! it's not like man's car is about to go ka-put here and he wants to shop around before it does. while it might be commendable that man is telling us he gave this relationship a best effort, in reality, if man is "already seeing what is out there" perhaps man should seek some counseling too. relationships really shouldn't be...next...didn't work...next... |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Why is everyone talking in "Neanderthal-speak"? Me Phuque woman, make man happy 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
i totally agree with winx! it's not like man's car is about to go ka-put here and he wants to shop around before it does. while it might be commendable that man is telling us he gave this relationship a best effort, in reality, if man is "already seeing what is out there" perhaps man should seek some counseling too. relationships really shouldn't be...next...didn't work...next... Umm... It's not quite like that. Not not working, next, did't work, next.... Try almost 20 years, working on........working on.......not working, then next. Life is way too short to be unhappy 2/3rd's of every week. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You said your son will be graduating in a month & 1/2 & turning 18 soon & that you have put up with this for 20 years so what is sticking it out a couple more months to make your son happy???
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
i totally agree with winx! it's not like man's car is about to go ka-put here and he wants to shop around before it does. while it might be commendable that man is telling us he gave this relationship a best effort, in reality, if man is "already seeing what is out there" perhaps man should seek some counseling too. relationships really shouldn't be...next...didn't work...next... Umm... It's not quite like that. Not not working, next, did't work, next.... Try almost 20 years, working on........working on.......not working, then next. Life is way too short to be unhappy 2/3rd's of every week. agree, but i don't think trying to replace her, or even considering looking, is really what is going to make you happy at this point. just sayin'.... good luck! |
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
durtydduck
on
Tue 04/28/09 08:12 AM
|
|
I just don't know for you... But for me? I would stay. why ? she needs the help ! this is the woman I had fallen in love with had a child with, said in those vows.. through sickness and health. richer or poorer. Maybe I would be miserable but then maybe yeah I know you tried for 19 years. But your not supposed to give up trying.... she needs you now more then ever. and you promised to be there .. I know I would even if I was miserable. . you have to take the good with the bad.. and quit dwelling ion your misery and think about hers?
the point is if you would put as much effort as you do in just accepting its over maybe there could be a difference. JMO>... but again... if it was me.. I stay. because its the right thing and I promised to be there. |
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
STARTRAVELER
on
Tue 04/28/09 08:19 AM
|
|
I just don't know for you... But for me? I would stay. why ? she needs the help ! this is the woman I had fallen in love with had a child with, said in those vows.. through sickness and health. richer or poorer. Maybe I would be miserable but then maybe yeah I know you tried for 19 years. But your not supposed to give up trying.... she needs you now more then ever. and you promised to be there .. I know I would even if I was miserable. . you have to take the good with the bad.. the point is if you would put as much effort as you do in just accepting its over maybe there could be a difference. JMO>... but again... if it was me.. I stay. because its the right thing and I promised to be there. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I just don't know for you... But for me? I would stay. why ? she needs the help ! this is the woman I had fallen in love with had a child with, said in those vows.. through sickness and health. richer or poorer. Maybe I would be miserable but then maybe yeah I know you tried for 19 years. But your not supposed to give up trying.... she needs you now more then ever. and you promised to be there .. I know I would even if I was miserable. . you have to take the good with the bad.. and quit dwelling ion your misery and think about hers? the point is if you would put as much effort as you do in just accepting its over maybe there could be a difference. JMO>... but again... if it was me.. I stay. because its the right thing and I promised to be there. 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I just don't know for you... But for me? I would stay. why ? she needs the help ! this is the woman I had fallen in love with had a child with, said in those vows.. through sickness and health. richer or poorer. Maybe I would be miserable but then maybe yeah I know you tried for 19 years. But your not supposed to give up trying.... she needs you now more then ever. and you promised to be there .. I know I would even if I was miserable. . you have to take the good with the bad.. the point is if you would put as much effort as you do in just accepting its over maybe there could be a difference. JMO>... but again... if it was me.. I stay. because its the right thing and I promised to be there. Yup, she does need the help. Nope, she refuses the help. EVERYONE is "out to get her". " I'm this way because of mean girls in elementary school, middle school, high school, college...neighbors, friends,.... hurt me. I'm this way because my Mom didnt show me how to be a girl when I was growing up. I'm this way because my friends hurt me at some point in my past. I'm this way because I can't trust my co-workers. I'm this way becuse my co-workers hurt me. I'm this way because my brothers hurt me. I'm this way because my sister hurt me. I'm this way because my kid hurt me. I'm this way becuse my Husband hurt me." Don't be alarmed. None of this hurt was physical. All of these are quotes from her over the years. All it takes is for you to talk about her behind her back and you have now hurt her. You are now on her "hurt list" and cannot be a friend or trusted. She is holding grudges from Elementary school and she refuses to see that she needs help. I cannot FORCE her to see someone. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Man needs to close one door COMPLETELY before he opens another!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I just don't know for you... But for me? I would stay. why ? she needs the help ! this is the woman I had fallen in love with had a child with, said in those vows.. through sickness and health. richer or poorer. Maybe I would be miserable but then maybe yeah I know you tried for 19 years. But your not supposed to give up trying.... she needs you now more then ever. and you promised to be there .. I know I would even if I was miserable. . you have to take the good with the bad.. the point is if you would put as much effort as you do in just accepting its over maybe there could be a difference. JMO>... but again... if it was me.. I stay. because its the right thing and I promised to be there. Yup, she does need the help. Nope, she refuses the help. EVERYONE is "out to get her". " I'm this way because of mean girls in elementary school, middle school, high school, college...neighbors, friends,.... hurt me. I'm this way because my Mom didnt show me how to be a girl when I was growing up. I'm this way because my friends hurt me at some point in my past. I'm this way because I can't trust my co-workers. I'm this way becuse my co-workers hurt me. I'm this way because my brothers hurt me. I'm this way because my sister hurt me. I'm this way because my kid hurt me. I'm this way becuse my Husband hurt me." Don't be alarmed. None of this hurt was physical. All of these are quotes from her over the years. All it takes is for you to talk about her behind her back and you have now hurt her. You are now on her "hurt list" and cannot be a friend or trusted. She is holding grudges from Elementary school and she refuses to see that she needs help. I cannot FORCE her to see someone. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
To leave or not leave for the "sake of the children" is always an interesting debate. My parents divorced when I was very young, but it was in the best interests of us kids...the fights were getting so brutal that it was a terrifying environment. My best friend's parents stayed together "for the kids", and her environment was just as bad, in a different way. It was sterile, hostile, and taught her nothing about maintaining a healthy relationship.
My ex and I decided to divorce when our daughter begged us to please stop fighting because it hurt her heart. We realized that we were doing her more harm than good, especially since 2 years of marriage counseling wasn't making a difference. He is now happily remarried, and both homes are tranquil environments (aside from the usual chaos of family life). No one can make the decision but you. No one other than the couple truly knows what's going on inside the marriage, so only you and your wife have the whole story. We can provide all the input and advice in the world, but each poster will be basing their perspective on their individual experiences and opinions....what is right for us may not be right for the two of you. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Agree with Ladywolf. It really is up to you. The only thing I'll say again is don't open another door til you close this one.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
Natty68
on
Tue 04/28/09 08:35 AM
|
|
To leave or not leave for the "sake of the children" is always an interesting debate. My parents divorced when I was very young, but it was in the best interests of us kids...the fights were getting so brutal that it was a terrifying environment. My best friend's parents stayed together "for the kids", and her environment was just as bad, in a different way. It was sterile, hostile, and taught her nothing about maintaining a healthy relationship. My ex and I decided to divorce when our daughter begged us to please stop fighting because it hurt her heart. We realized that we were doing her more harm than good, especially since 2 years of marriage counseling wasn't making a difference. He is now happily remarried, and both homes are tranquil environments (aside from the usual chaos of family life). No one can make the decision but you. No one other than the couple truly knows what's going on inside the marriage, so only you and your wife have the whole story. We can provide all the input and advice in the world, but each poster will be basing their perspective on their individual experiences and opinions....what is right for us may not be right for the two of you. This is true.. the couples decision... but if you are asking for opinions my situation was similar & his son is almost 18 & did ask him to wait... he has waited this long & in his own words the relationship is mental not physical hurt so MY opinion is wait till your son is 18 but it is HIS decision & only he knows what is best to do for him & his son. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Agree with Ladywolf. It really is up to you. The only thing I'll say again is don't open another door til you close this one. |
|
|
|
|
