Dude,
Some of my best friends are gay.
Some are quite open about it, some are more reserved.
You will have to find your own way and how much "openness" you can tolerate.
Your TRUE friends will already know, as I did with my best friend.
He was shocked when he "came out" to me & I said "I know, but don't worry about it"
Unless you hide it REALLY well, your parents will also know, at least in the back of thier minds.

Save yourself some heartache & pain. Just be yourself.

You don't really need to make an announcement, just BE.

Just my opinion.

Good luck and be true to yourself. You will be happier in a short time.

Well,
I had a nice conversation with my Son yesterday.

The first thing he said was:
"I have been waiting for this since 5th grade.
Dad, I know it will be an emotional time, but plese don't wait for graduation or my 18th birthday.
Do it and lets get on with our lives.
I know Mom is difficult to live with, but I do not want her to think we are abandoning her. I will live with both of you part time for now.
Can I set you up with someone??"

I guess that pretty much settles it.

I thank everyone for their input and opinions.

I will stick with what I said. and the fact maybe you should get some help also. seems to me you like to hold grudges too. your just making your own list of excuses here.... sorry. JMO.




O.k. I never said I did not need some help. I begged her to go with me to marriage counceling. She refused.
The list of excuses are hers, not mine.
I am a very forgiving person. She is not.
How can me listing those things mean I am holding a grudge? Would you suggest I forget what was told to me?
I'm not bitter, just tired.
I am not opening another door. I am not contacting anyone. You could say I am door shopping??? Just a metaphore.

Mentaly, I was over this a long time ago. Yes, there will be some healing from the breakup, but more than that will be breaking some old habbits that stemmed from walking on eggshells trying not to hurt her. What's on T.V. tonight can cause an argument, let alone regular life.

I understand it is my decision to divorce or not. I have made up my mind to do it.
The only and original question was when.

My Son has not asked me to wait. He was wondering when it would happen because he was tired of the fights too.

Yes, I could wait. There are other things & family plans that would be even more complicated by waiting. Basicly, it comes down to the lesser of two evils.

Yup, she does need the help.
Nope, she refuses the help.
EVERYONE is "out to get her".
" I'm this way because of mean girls in elementary school, middle school, high school, college...neighbors, friends,.... hurt me.
I'm this way because my Mom didnt show me how to be a girl when I was growing up.
I'm this way because my friends hurt me at some point in my past.
I'm this way because I can't trust my co-workers.
I'm this way becuse my co-workers hurt me.
I'm this way because my brothers hurt me.
I'm this way because my sister hurt me.
I'm this way because my kid hurt me.
I'm this way becuse my Husband hurt me."

Don't be alarmed.
None of this hurt was physical.
All of these are quotes from her over the years.

All it takes is for you to talk about her behind her back and you have now hurt her. You are now on her "hurt list" and cannot be a friend or trusted. She is holding grudges from Elementary school and she refuses to see that she needs help.
I cannot FORCE her to see someone.

i totally agree with winx! it's not like man's car is about to go ka-put here and he wants to shop around before it does. while it might be commendable that man is telling us he gave this relationship a best effort, in reality, if man is "already seeing what is out there" perhaps man should seek some counseling too. relationships really shouldn't be...next...didn't work...next...


Umm...
It's not quite like that.
Not not working, next, did't work, next....

Try almost 20 years, working on........working on.......not working, then next.
Life is way too short to be unhappy 2/3rd's of every week.

Probably because the post started out as a generic question and it just kept going from there.

Man appreciates your candor & your opinion.
Granted, Man has been with one person for almost 1/2 of his life. This is new & uncharted territory for him.
He is trying to do what he thinks is best for himself & family.
Only time will tell if his choices have been correct.

Is man leaving wife because she has mental issues?


No, Man is leaving because Woman denies mental issues that all around her see. Woman refuses professional help.
Woman makes all around her unhappy.
This has been going on for MOST of 19 yr. relationship. Not new.

I don't understand why man is looking.
People need time to heal after the end of a relationship. And...still living with wife is not fair to other women.
It sounds like a back-up plan to me. It also makes the situation ripe for a rebound.



Granted, Man should have gone ahead and left in Fall.
Felt bad for Woman & other family. Let her talk him into staying b-cause she promised to get mental help.
After holidays Woman now says not need mental help, only marriage help. Then chenges that to only getting marriage help after $$ is returned.
Woman's family agrees she needs mental help. Woman thinks everyone is out to get her and none of the problems are her fault.

If you were in a dead end relationship, wouldn't you look too?

How do you know what is out there if you don't look?

Is it Man or Woman who is ripe for rebound?

If it's over, it's sad, but it's over.

woman in this scenario seems like she so unappreciative of all the chances given by the man - oh wait the man wrote this.




Granted, Man wrote this. It is one sided.
How can Man or Woman give both sides accurately??
Both are biased towards their own feelings.

Kid can't wait till turns 18 & is able to move out. Has asked Man several times over the years why Man not get divorced.
Man says "trying to fix relationship".

Man now tired of trying. Only stayed this long for Kid's sake.

Man told Woman of divorce last fall.
Woman upset over timing with holidays.
Woman promises to get help.
Once lawyer called off, woman refuses to seek help until money from lawyer returned.
Lawyer says Nope-signed contract. No refunds. Legal, but not the right thing to do...
Man still living with Woman, but very tense.
Woman not KNOW Man looking because he is unhappy.
Man NOT cheating, only looking in order to prepare himself for pending divorce.
Man only wants to be happy with a happy Woman.

Long story short....
Man & Woman married 19 yrs.
Woman has lots of issues & unhappy most of marriage.
Mom refuses mental help.
Man happy guy & tries to make it work. Not working...
Kid about to turn 18 & graduate High School in a month & 1/2.
Kid not happy with Mom either.
Man t i r e d of B.S. Ready to start new life.

Here is the question....
Should Man end it now, or wait until Kid is 18 & out of H.S.?