ok I am dating a guy (6 months now) and he went through my comp and opened up my yahoo messenger and read some of my recent and old messages and blew up, now he knows that I have a ton of guy friends and we all joke around in different ways, well a friend of mine was talking about booty calls and phone sex and gave me his new number, I got off line right there I never responded nor did I write down his number I am totally committed to my b.f. and would never cheat in any way. well he took offense, he found some other messages to some friends who live far away and I was on my cam with them just chatting nothing sexual at all and he totally got pissed wanted to dump me after he found all of that, didn't even want to give me a second to explain or anything just packed his stuff up and wanted to leave. Now my question for all of you is, am I in the wrong for chatting with friends on a cam on the net, dropping a im because my so called friend was taking it too far, or is he in the wrong for going through my comp breaking my passwords to spy on me just to break up with me with out letting me say a word. any sudjestions on what I should do, he told me in order for this relationship to work I have to earn his trust back and never go on yahoo messenger again. what about my trust he got into my comp and snooped around. thanks for your time

your BF invaded your privacy and should be punished accordingly.

i think you both have some trust to earn back. i can understand him being mad, but he was also in the wrong.


. . .

First of all his invasion of your privacy was wrong. You're not his kid and he's not your boss.

Hooray for control

You are 29 years old tell him tooff

Hi Dopey, I am sleepy

I did it again

hmm, well my 3 cents are that for whatever reason he felt the need to do what he did. oddly enought he found stuff that to him justified his feelings of insicurity. wrong to snoop, sure yet was there something there that should not have been? to me it seems that if your commited then an online friend would respect you and him enough to not chat about sex and stuff or even offer an phone number. a responce to discurage anyone who did from you would be in my mind expected if it was unwanted. as you just droped the convo and stuff it seems to be that perhaps you just started calling him and skiped the IM part of it. could be wrong on this yet look at his perspective. your a significant part of his life who is chatting about things that to him should be between you and him yet its not. compromise and apolligise if you want him. yet if its your intention to keep this behavior up and thats just you then let him know and if need be let him go.

the wrong doing is when it hurts the others feelings. compromise and apoligise yet be honest with your intentions of the future or sadness will abound. rebuffing advances from the oposit sex is a big part of being together with someone even if they dont see you do it.

asigning blame here is not right for a relationship. its a 2 way street. you both compromise. honesty of how many guy/girl friends you have is importand as some guys/girls are from relationships where they have been burned by exactly this type of behavior

first and foremost he invaded your privacy... THAT is unacceptable.... I am not one to flirt about sex, etc. when in a relationship but that's your business.. My ex did that to me and found info from when we were split up, like dates planned and where, then used it to ask me questions and pretend that he knew someone at the restaurants.. It's low class and skanky in my opinion....

If you don't have trust then you have nothing and I doubt you'll ever have his trust again...

Exactly. The relationship begins and ends with the invasion of privacy. He simply has no right to go into your computer for the purpose to read on your IM archives. It's simply wrong, and potentially illegal.

Dump the person and move on. It's the only thing you can do.

you have to have trust in a relationship, and nothing is wrong for you to have guy friends, you just cant touch if you cant have enough trust then what is the point on having a relationship..

i dont see you haveing a problem with talking to others on messenger or email thats no big deal. they know your friends and they know you have a bf. your bf is a controler and jealous.. (HOT TEMPER)

DROP THE DUDE!!!

Thanks everyone

Yep, I agree to let him go. Find a man that lets you talk to whoever however you want. I don't doubt that you know the limits of what will piss a man off and where to stop any sort of flirtatious conversation. Your man should recognize you have and recognize these limits and trust you to do so as long as you're with him in the end.

He seems jealous and possessive, and has trust issues. That requires a serious, open, and calm conversation.

If he is not willing to have such a conversation, you have your answer.

If I may be so bold, as to express my opinion here as well...

1. snooping = he has trust issues
2. packing, leaving, issuing an ultimatum = poor conflict resolution skills
3. have you been creating doubt in the relationship thereby strring up trust issues? - something to contemplate for yourself...
4. this is a hard one to swallow - why live with someone when discussions on the commitment and boundaries have not been had? (some assumption here)... I know in my relationships, the "expectations" discussion is important before commitment, sack time, co-habitation.... He may have expected you would not do such things, you may have expected it was ok...

Talk about it...

I agree with lilith401 on the rest :)...

Wish you the best of luck... peace and happiness...

breaking and entering into your computer is not acceptable

period

next he'll be going through your closet or your purse


keep looking

I quite seldom understand people, granted we are nosy, we see something open we want to see what's inside, human nature, but for the ultimatum to never log onto yahoo, that I find hilarious - when most people are told they cannot do something, guess what, they usually do it.

He will have as much control over you as you allow him to have. Is this the type of relationship you want?

I think neither of you are ready for a relationship.

Yes... Invading your privacy is wrong and he, at the very least, is confused as to what he should do.

Now, the reason he got pissed is different. He probably chats online too. He probably flirts, even if it's "innocent" flirting. He is applying those to you. That is the reason he is angry, IMO. I'm not there but you only look under the bed, because you you've been under the bed.

Now I am not going to say dump the guy though and he shouldn't dump you. Yes he was wrong to snoop. But the snoop has been committed, now, what to do.

Make him welcome to join you. Show him that you are not doing anything to try to replace him in any way. But that is a two way street, he should do the same for you.

Sorry, I may get blasted for this, but speaking for myself, I never flirt online, when in a real relationship and I have told more than one gal... here's my password. Trust is the most sacred thing in a relationship.

I feel there is more to this story than is being told. There's always 3 sides to every story. His side, her side, and the police report. I tend to believe the police report.

This is ABSOLUTELY the key

Communication... Even after 6 months, you may find something about someone you can't handle. So many things are negotiable in our lives, but we all have non-negotiables too...

TALK!

PS... I have snooped once before. And I blew up. Then after talking about it and finding the truth. (which was right in front of me anyway, I just let emotions get in the way) I felt like a stupid mother f***er.

My snooping days are done. But I made the decision right there and then that If a waoman is going to be with me... we share everything. I am a "share" guy. There should be absolutely nothing hidden from the person you want to spend your life with. Period. IMO