The following true story is about a remarkable and courageous young
woman. I shall insert two pages at a time, if you feel you must delete
it, do so. But, should you read it, I promise that you too, will love
Tammy, or, at the very least, admire her courage......Bobby 7



The Life and Death of Tammy Des Shane

I first met Tammy in September of 1995. She was like no one I had ever
known.

I must, first, describe my circumstances at this time, before I get into
my main narrative. They have a bearing on this tale, and need to be
aired.

My wife/partner, of thirty years, passed away on January 22, 1995, of a
cerebral haemorrhage.

I suffered a stroke/seizure in August 1995, and when I came out of my
coma, my right side was paralysed and I was confined to an electric
“scooter”.

Jubilee Park was not far from where I was living back then, and I
visited this park daily; usually with a book. Even on rainy days, I was
able to read in the park, because the staff, at the adjacent library,
allowed me to park my ‘scooter’ under an overhang, out of the elements.

Now back to Tammy.

I was reading when a young lady approached me, and asked me for a
cigarette. She offered to pay for it, but I declined the money and gave
her two. The following day, she was in the park when I arrived, and
asked if she could sit with me for a while. She was a pretty young lady,
and I thought that her company would be entertaining. I had no idea of
the cruel roads that she had travelled. She introduced herself, and said
that she was twenty-five years old.

This became a daily ritual, and, sometimes we talked for hours. She was
intelligent, witty, very charming, and extremely very polite. We became
friends, and, as friends do, we began to confide in each other, She
asked how I happened to be on the ‘scooter’. I explained about my
stroke/seizure, and told her of the great loss of my wife. I spoke about
the different jobs I had done, during my productive years in the work
force.

It was when Tammy told me what line of work she was in that alarm bells
started ringing. She told me that she ‘hooked’ on the ‘side’ to support
her Heroin habit.

I wondered if I wanted to continue to have any further contact with her.
Then I thought about how pleasant our little chats had been, and decided
that I would like to learn more about her. By this time, I had become
quite fond of Tammy, and it is not in my nature to walk away from a
friend in distress, and not offer my help and support. She politely
declined my offer of help, but asked me if we could remain friends. I
agreed, partly because I found her so engaging, and partly because I was
curious to hear what else she might have to tell.

She proceeded to speak about her family, and of the life she left behind
in Ontario. She said that her father had sexually and physically abused
her many times, starting when she was nine years old, and that this
abuse continued until she ran away. She went on to say that her brother
had started using her as a ‘punching bag’, and to sexually assault her
when she was twelve. She stated that her mother was aware of what was
happening, and took no steps to stop the abuse.

I was appalled, and totally shocked by her revelations. She then went on
to say that her father had introduced her to Heroin when she was
thirteen. According to Tammy, and I had no reason to disbelieve her, he
forced her to submit to injections of this drug for a period of four
months. Tammy ran away from home that same year. She stayed in Toronto
for some time, living on the streets. She then moved to BC because she
was told that the winters were milder. Tammy told me that three of her
friends had succumbed to the cold in Toronto during the winter that she
was there.

Continuing her tale, Tammy said that she met a man in Abbotsford, who
seemed to really care for her. They dated for a while, and he proposed.
She accepted, and shortly became pregnant with his child. During her
pregnancy, her husband began to be abusive, at first verbally. After her
son, Luke was born; the abuse progressed to physical assaults. The
mental abuse became more than she could stand and she planned an escape
from this marriage.

She ran away, leaving the baby with her husband, who was a Cocaine
dealer. She hid for months, as her husband tried different means of
finding her. She was offered sanctuary by some of the ‘hookers’ she had
met after she arrived in Abbotsford. She met a young man, named Marc,
who, she said seemed to be a decent person. He offered his help and
support, and arranged a meeting between Tammy, her husband, and himself.

At this meeting, her husband agreed to leave Tammy alone, but said that
if she did not return to his home she would lose custody of Luke. She
had decided that, because of her addiction, she was not equipped to deal
with Luke in the manner he deserved. And, of course she did not wish to
revisit the abuse. Marc offered her to take her in, so she got what
belongings she had and moved in with him.

Marc turned out to be a Heroin addict, and while he did not abuse Tammy,
she said she was tired of the ‘Merry Go Round’, and wanted to get off.

This is where I come into the picture.

I was told that a large number of Tammy’s friends had died from Heroin
or from sexually transmitted diseases associated with their line of
work; prostitution. Tammy stated that she wanted to quit Heroin. I asked
her why She responded with one of the most poignant and unselfish
answers that I had ever heard. She said that she was doomed to die from
Heroin, as so many of her friends had, but that she could not bear to
have Luke ridiculed because his mother was a ‘junkie’. She said that her
addiction would affect Luke, and any relationships he might have in the
future.

I sensed the pain and truth in her revelations, and offered my help and
support. We decided that her current living arrangements were not
conducive to her recovery, and that she must move out. We confronted
Marc with the fact that Tammy no longer wished to stay with him. He was
very angry, and refused to allow her to gather her few belongings.
I managed to get the point across that it would be in everyone’s’ best
interest, including his, to surrender her property. I asked a friend to
shelter Tammy until I found suitable accommodations, and she readily
agreed.

I found a two-bedroom apartment, and Tammy moved in with me. The
following day I took Tammy to see my doctor and explained the situation
to him. He is a very compassionate man, and after talking to Tammy and
me for quite a while, was convinced of her sincerity. He prescribed
medications, which would ease the pain and discomfort associated with
withdrawal from Heroin, such as Methadone, Laratin, and Percocet. He
told Tammy that all these medications were, themselves, addictive, but
would cause much less discomfort when discontinued. He instructed me on
the proper dosages, and told me to give progress reports to his
secretary, on a regular basis, in case he needed to intervene in her
treatment. Tammy and I were pleased with the doctor’s program, and we
returned to our apartment, and started on one of the most painful and
terrifying journeys I have ever been on. I can only imagine how much
worse it was for Tammy.

By the next day, the symptoms of withdrawal began to appear, and Tammy
started to have convulsions. I administered some Methadone, and her
seizures diminished. These incidents were so severe that Tammy actually
bit through her bottom lip.

The symptoms got worse as the days progressed, and at times, Tammy lost
control of her bodily functions. I had to bathe her and change the
bedding two or three times a day. Bathing her was doubly difficult
because I did not have the use if my right side, and had a brace on my
arm to prevent my hand from flapping around uselessly. I strapped slats
around my leg, and I could manage to hobble around. The brace on my arm
was rigid so I was able to carry her to the bathroom. The drawback was
that, after each bath, the brace needed to be dried. This was
accomplished putting it in the oven, at very low heat.

Her symptoms were extreme for about a week, then, gradually began to
subside. By the eighth day, she was feeling much better however; she
still needed analgesics for her pain, and an occasional Percocet. On the
tenth day, I helped her downstairs and eat a breakfast I had prepared
for us. I was relieved to see her eat because she had only been able to
keep liquids down for nine days.

Each day, her health improved, and by the end of the second week, she
was pain free, and the medications stopped. Never once, after this, did
Tammy ask for any painkillers or other medication.

Of course, I had become emotionally attached to Tammy. It is hard to
imagine that any two people, who had to endure this ordeal, and see it
to its conclusion, would not become attached. Tammy and I discussed this
subject, at length. Tammy said that she loved me, and I admitted that I
had feelings for her, as well. She wanted to stay with me, and I told
her that she could stay as long as she wanted to, and could leave any
time she wished. We discussed marriage when she brought up that topic. I
told her, honestly, that I had reservations about that because she was,
in fact, younger than my son. We never made love, although I believe
that we would have at some future date, had circumstances allowed.

About this time, her ex boyfriend, Marc, started coming around, intent
on rekindling whatever spark he thought there was between them. Tammy
told him that she was not interested in seeing, talking to, or hearing
about him. She asked him to leave her alone, and told him she would
never be involved with a person who did drugs again. She said Heroin
addicts are the ‘walking dead’, and that she would be dead if I, and my
doctor did not have faith in her. She told him that she would never
break that faith.

The week or so that I had to carry Tammy had been very beneficial to me.
I had started to recover sensation in both my arm and leg. By the time
that Tammy was independently mobile, I could hold a fork for the first
time in months. It was indeed fortunate for me, because Marc got
physical, and I was able to repel his attack. I believe that had Willy,
a neighbour I hadn’t met at the time, not intervened, I think I would
have severely injured Marc. We did not see him again during our
remaining time together, however, I often see him around town, these
days. He is now a ‘walking dead’, as Tammy phrased it, so well, and I
don’t think he has much time left on this earth/

I contacted Tammy’s ex husband, and had a meeting with him, to informed
him of the change in Tammy. I discussed the fact that she wanted to see
Luke, and he said that he would need to see for himself before any
decisions were made. We went to the doctor, who sent Tammy for drug
specific tests. These tests were conclusive; No drugs in Tammy’s
system!

She was so proud!

Armed with her test results and, with a clean ‘Bill of Health’ from our
doctor, we met with her ex. At first, he refused to entertain the
thought of letting Tammy see Luke. I explained that Tammy had the right
to see her son now that she was clean. However, I think it was the fact
that I mentioned that his Cocaine sales would be mentioned, should this
matter ever go to court. He grudgingly agreed to visits, and I got to
meet Luke.

Luke was, and still is, a very handsome young man. He inherited his
mother’s good looks and sense of humour. She also passed on her
intelligence to her son, and, Luke played a mean hand of cribbage, even
at the age of six.

We started to have Luke over often, nearly every weekend and on
holidays. I don’t believe it had anything to do with the generosity of
her ex husband, but rather the fact that he had a new girlfriend, and
was glad of the baby-sitting we did. I watched the bond between Luke and
Tammy grow stronger with each visit from Luke. My late wife was a joy to
watch when she interacted with my boys, and so was Tammy. They were
constantly finding new things to do. When Luke got bored, I would take
him outside and kick around a soccer ball with him. I was walking fairly
well by then, as long as I didn’t overdo it. Luke was fun to have
around. He was very outgoing, and had a sparkling personality. I
realized, at that point, that I did love Tammy, and that I would be
happy if she and Luke became family to me.

Tammy started to venture out into the world, and soon became friends
with Rachel, who lived next door. In turn, I met Willy, Rachel’s husband
(and Mark’s saviour). Tammy and Rachel hit it off instantly, as did
Willy and me.

Often, at night, we would have a BBQ in the back yard, and I would play
my guitar, as well as my hand would let me. I was regaining sensation at
a good pace, and exercising as much as I could. Tammy called me her
“Injured Knight”, and said that as soon as I could walk well enough, she
wanted me to walk her down the aisle. I told her that we would have to
think long and hard about that, due to the difference in our ages.
Secretly, I was hoping that my boys would accept it if we did marry. I
did not care what the rest of the world thought, but I would not
consider marriage unless my sons approved.

I started making the apartment homier, and brought Tammy fresh flowers
every day. She, in turn, showed me that she was a fine cook and began
preparing meals, on a regular basis, and keeping our home spotless.
(Except when Luke was there)

I was working as a court interpreter, sporadic work, at the best of
times, but I had a pension, and we were doing all right financially. I
took Tammy to a furniture store, and we picked out some furnishings for
our home. Tammy told me, with tears in her eyes, that it was the first
time in her life that she got to choose furniture and accessories.

Tammy started to develop headaches. They were not severe to begin with,
but became progressively worse. I immediately took her to our doctor,
who ordered a CAT scan. He was not satisfied with the results, and sent
her for a MRI. These tests showed no abnormalities, but Tammy refused to
take medication for the pain. The headaches seemed to go away, and we
resumed our lives. We had Luke every weekend by now, and his and Tammy’s
love for each other kept growing, much to my delight. It was a happy
time in my life and eased the pain of losing Francine immensely. I had
been very angry with Francine for dying, but I lost that anger, and made
peace with my demons.

On January 18th 1996, I was working out of town. Rachel called me at the
courthouse and told me that Tammy was very ill. I rushed home and found
that Will and Rachael had taken Tammy to the hospital. When I arrived at
the Emergency department, Tammy was extremely upset. She had been giving
Morphine and she was afraid that it might trigger her addictive
cravings. I called our doctor, who came to the hospital right away. He
ordered her to be put on non-narcotic medication, and that the
medication be administered orally. No needles!

The next day, she had improved enough to come home, and I made
arrangements to be replaced in court. She seemed to be fine for the
entire day, and awoke the following without a headache. We called Luke
and went to Centennial Park for a picnic. Tammy was in good spirits,
Luke was Luke, and we had a marvellous time. Luke stayed with us for
three days, and life was back to normal.

I drove Luke home on the third evening and told him that I had a
surprise for his mom. Tammy had been admiring a handsome oak Stereo – TV
stand, and I had bought it and a new television for her. Willy and one
of his friends had gone to the store and picked them up for me. I told
Luke that they would wait until I got home to bring them into the house,
Tammy was delighted, and her smile made everything worthwhile.

We went over to Willy and Rachel’s place to have a few drinks and play
some music. Around ten o’clock, Tammy said that she had a bit of a
headache, and that she wanted to go home. She insisted that I stay, but
I didn’t. We both went home.

Tammy took some of the non-narcotic medication, and her headache went
away. She said she felt better but that she was tired. We decided to
sleep on our new hide-a-bed and watch our new television.

Tammy fell asleep around eleven o’clock, and after I turned off the
television, I soon fell asleep, also. I woke up some time during the
night and noticed that Tammy was drooling on her pillow. I got a tissue
to wipe her mouth, and, that is when I felt that she was cold; so cold.
I turned on the light and felt for her pulse; there was no pulse!

I called 911 and pounded on the wall. Willy came over immediately. He
had taken an Industrial First Aid course, and performed CPR until the
ambulance arrived. I went to the hospital in the ambulance with Tammy,
and the Para-Medics continued to attempt to revive her. The hospital did
not recognize our common-law relationship, and would not provide me with
any information.

It was when the Police arrived that I knew, for certain, that the
medical team had had failed to revive Tammy, and that she was indeed,
dead!

The Police asked me for permission to search our home. Of course, I gave
it. I was too dazed to even think about the implications of this
request. They drove me home and explained the reason for the search.
Tammy was known to the Police as a Heroin addict, and they wanted to see
if there was any indication of drug use in our home. They wanted to
ascertain whether drugs had played a part in her death. They found no
drugs. However, soon after they started searching, they discovered
Tammy’s ‘Coke Pipe’. I had boiled it and I had drilled a hole in it so I
could hang it on the bedroom wall, as a reminder of what Tammy had
accomplished. I told the Police that I would not allow them to continue
the search if they seized the pipe. The officer promised that once tests
were conducted on the pipe, it would be returned, as it was no longer
useful as Cocaine, or other drug paraphernalia. They kept their word,
and returned the pipe.

Then, Tammy’s family was notified.

They came out of the woodwork and from under rocks, like a flock of
vultures!

Tammy was a very loving and generous woman, with a wry, sometimes
mischievous sense of humour. She had a set of bright pink suspenders,
which she liked to wear with her black jeans and a white blouse. She
dared me to wear the to the cabaret we were going to, and I did. We got
a few good laughs at the reactions this caused. She gave me a beautiful
Sterling silver ring with three carved panthers around the band. The
ring was too small, of course but I couldn’t bear to see it cut and
resized; so, Tammy bought me a nice, heavy Sterling chain, and I wore
the ring around my neck.

On the day of Tammy’s funeral ceremony, Willy, Rachel, Dennis, Billy,
and I went to the church. I went to the casket and said my last goodbye
to a wonderful woman, as did our friends. I gave her a final kiss, and
wished her Godspeed.

Her brother then approached me and demanded that I surrender the ring!
He claimed that it was part of Tammy’s estate, and that they, the
family, would be coming by our home to collect Tammy’s belongings. I
asked him to speak with me outside. Once in the parking lot, I grabbed
his shirt and lifted him clear of the asphalt. I stated that the next
time he approached me I was going to prison, and he was going to the
hospital for a very long time. I told him to stay outside until I had
finished talking to some of Tammy’s friends. Dennis, a hulking young
man, had come out while I was talking to Tammy’s brother, and suggested
that it might be sooner than later for his trip to the hospital if he
interfered with me. The brother stayed outside and didn’t disturb me any
more. I spoke to a number of Tammy’s friends and apologized for the
commotion.

Willy, Rachel, Dennis, Billy and I then left, along with four of Tammy’s
closest friends.

We went to Finnegan’s Pub and had a proper wake for Tammy, the girl that
we all loved.

Her family, minus the brother, did show up at our home, along with the
Police. They wanted all of Tammy’s possessions. I refused to give them
anything and told them to leave. The Police officer asked about the
threats that I allegededly made to the brother. I invited him into the
house, and told him what had transpired at the church. He went outside
and told the family that they were not welcome on my property, and that
he was prepared to arrest them if they harassed me any further.

I never saw or heard from them again. I put all Tammy’s belongings
together, and called Luke. I picked him up and brought him to the house.
I showed him all of his mom’s belongings, and asked him to choose what
he wanted to keep. He chose a few jewellery items and a few gifts the he
had given to Tammy. He asked what I was going to do with the rest. I
told him that I would ask all of his mom’s friends if they wanted
something, and that I would donate the rest to a Thrift Shop. He was
very mature about this arrangement, but then, he was a very intelligent
boy. I do not see Luke very much. He has gone about his life and I have
also moved on.

Her family requested a Forensic autopsy done. The results showed that
Tammy had no drugs in her system, except for a minute trace of the
analgesic she had taken just hours before her death.

I sold or gave away most of the furnishings in our home and moved away.
I could not bear to stay there. I lost two very special people in less
than a year’s time. And my life was in shambles. Both these ladies were
much too young to die.

Some months later, I ran into Rachel and Willie while in town getting
groceries. Rachel told me about a conversation he had with Tammy, while
she was in the hospital.

Tammy said that she was dying, and Rachel became very alarmed. She
wanted to call our doctor, but Tammy begged her not to. Tammy said that
if she was to die because of her choices, so be it. She said that at
least she would die without Luke knowing that his mom used to be a
junkie, and that her actions would not reflect on him later on in his
life.

Tammy, somehow, got Rachel to promise not to tell me about this
conversation while she, Tammy, was still alive. She asked her friend to
tell me that she loved me, and that she wished that I had married her.

Rachel kept her word to Tammy, and guarded the secret. I was actually
glad that she did. Had she told me sooner, I don’t know if I could have
withstood the pain of knowing there might have been something I could
have done to keep her alive.

Dennis was a guitar player who often joined our little group at Willy
and Rachel’s place for dinner, drinks, and music. I wrote a song to
eulogize Tammy, and Dennis wrote the music. We recorded it at a local
studio with drums and bass inserted into it.

We played the song on the sound system at Finnegan’s, and complete
strangers stopped at our table to offer condolences.

I have been fortunate enough to have met two extraordinary women to
share my life, only to lose the prematurely. The scars will never
completely heal, but I cherish each moment, good or bad, that we had
together.

I remarried in 1990. This marriage did not work out because the lady was
not as honest as was Tammy and Francine. I bear her no ill will, but I
felt that the comparison was necessary in this narrative. Had she been
forthright, we would still be together.

I have been content many times in my life. I married my beautiful
Francine, who made me happy and very proud of our little family, and of
our relationship. I lived with Tammy, who also made me happy.

I think it was because both women made me feel needed, wanted, and
loved. I hope, someday, to find another love, such as theirs was.

As for my ex-wife, Sharon, drugs claimed another marriage.
For a time, Sharon made me happy, but I was not willing to go through
another ordeal with drugs, and their aftermath.
*********************************************************

I would like to share with you the song we recorded for our beloved
Tammy.
**********************************************************
We Shall Survive
For; Tammy Des Shanes


In days of old, when spells were cast.
That's when I met you; In the past.
Down valleys green, over misty hills,
Your spirit soars, it always will.

When monarchs ruled, and dragons roared,
The knights set forth with shield and sword.
They gave their lives to keep us free,
And save the world for you and me.

Gaze into your crystal ball,
And you'll see armies rise and fall.
You can witness worlds collide,
Or surf the never-ending tide.

Though you've passed on, you're with me yet.
A love like yours, I can't forget.
I loved you then, and I still do.
And every day, I dream of you.

We'll meet again, dear, you and I.
Perhaps not under earths blue sky.
But no matter where or when,
I'll love you still, as I did then.

As long as love remains alive...
You and I, my love...
We Shall Survive
*************************************************************

From: "The Life And Death Of Tammy Des Shanes"
by Bobby7

With music by Dennis Grand Montagne




The End…The Beginning

Bobby, I have read this story twice once by self and then two my
Daughter over the phone each time I have cried, smiled and cried again
with alot of You go girl inbetween,,, WoW! What an Incredible Story, I
am so sorry that she was two taken from your life,,, God Bless You My
Friend,, For being the Unconditional Friend she needed,,, You will
always be in her Heart in Spirit, and she remains in your Heart for all
Eternity..

God Bless You,,, You are an Amazing Man

Aw, that was really beautiful. Such a wonderful symbiotic relationship.
Recovery and the quality of life is really awesome. I very much enjoyed
the story and it truly touched me. I am glad you shared it with us
because it was truly inspiring. I see people trying to make something of
their lives at the meetings all the time. We encourage each other to
stay clean. The friendships one can make can be closer than family and
some refer to it as family. This was how I was feeling in my sanctuary
and chakra poems.

Make Me A Sanctuary

Great Spirit of love and passion make me a blessing of compassion.
Build me big enough to help others but small enough so I am a brother.
Guide my footsteps on the right path so that I am not consumed by my
wrath.
Give me the knowledge that I need thee and pure light so others can see.
Mold my will into thy will for power so that I won't be a corrupted
flower.
Make me a beacon that shines light in shadow and through darkest night.
Form me into a friend with a hand that can share love in your land.
Teach me how to know thy truth so that I don't need reproof.
Transform me pliable and strong and give me a happy song.
Shape me into a lighthouse of victory and make me a sanctuary.

Unlock The Chakra Of Your Heart

Love everything that you say and do.
Let your love be an expression of you.
Let your hand touch the fertile earth.
Caress mother nature for giving you birth.

Awaken your heart by looking deep inside.
Love the child that is inside you with pride.
One moment of ecstasy can transform you.
Listen with your heart and your inner you.

Learn to dance the dance of happy fools.
Let the shackles of guilt fall from you.
Give the world a beautiful smile of you.
Let the world smile love back at you.

Expand not only your mind but heart, too.
Enjoy the high of life as love frees you.
Let Shiva and Shakti transform you in beauty.
Ride the wave of joy in life not duty.

Become one with mother nature and expand the me.
Learn to set all your emotions and feelings free.
Rediscover your life as it was meant to be.
Deepen your intimacy and let your heart see.

A few years ago I would have stopped reading after the first paragraph
or two. I would have decided at that time it was just another Love story
and since I didn't know what love was, it wasn't worth reading. Today
however it took me quite a while to read. Each time I read another
paragraph I felt a part of me in your story. Its hard to express how
much this story reminds me of what I have spent a lifetime looking for,
for that I Thank You. The only way I can expres my feeings of today is
"Tears on the Keyboard"


G

Thank you, my friends, for your very kind words.. I trust, as I I said
at the beginning , that you have come to admire Tammy's courage..

A special thanks to Roy, for the very moving poem you inserted here. I
hnow that it was from your heart.

As I embark on a new relationship, I have been reflecting on my past; a
lot. I find that I still have a lot to offer, and once I have committed,
I am there, forever..

Tammy lives on, she shall never perish, and will be with me
always.

Bobby, That was a wonderful story...Thank you for sharing
it...

Wow, Bobby, quite a story.

My hat's off to you, Tammy and your courage.

Thank you, Alada and Shendra..I must ask..Did you gain a certain respect
for Tammy, after having read this story?

"A few years ago I would have stopped reading after the first paragraph
or two. I would have decided at that time it was just another Love story
and since I didn't know what love was, it wasn't worth reading".




Gryphyn, my friend..I once stood in those shoes.. Women like Francine
and Tammy changed my perception of love and loyalty.. I am so much
richer for having had them in my life..

Write on, G..

What strength in you both!

Thanks, Katie..She, and Francine have tempered me.. I am shielded from
harm by their love..

Love Ya, Kiddo..