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| Topic: question for the guys... | |
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OK so I'm dating someone and he ALWAYS picks up the tab wherever we go. He recently spent quite a bit on us going out to the bar, he bought my daughter a very nice bday gift, and took us out to lunch. So when we went out to dinner I got in front of him in line to and whipped out my debit card and paid before he had a chance to dig out his wallet. Right there he makes the comment "I coulda paid you know" and I said "well... you always pay" and he responded "well it is my job" I think he kinda got offended that I paid... he almost seemed embarrassed for me to be paying instead of him. But since he ALWAYS pays I thought I would contribute too, as I don't believe it's ALL HIS job to pay for everything for us. So guys... what do you think? Would you be offended or embarrassed if a girl bought your dinner? some of us are programmed that it's the guys job to "provide". i've done the same thing as your guy. it's not uncommon. explain it to him that you don't need someone to pay for you all the time and that it makes you feel like you owe him something when he's the one spending all the money on you. tell him that you're looking for a partner, not a provider. Actually, that's pretty good advice. |
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as long as I can always open the door for you (unless my hands are full carrying your groceries)..I'm cool
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OK so I'm dating someone and he ALWAYS picks up the tab wherever we go. He recently spent quite a bit on us going out to the bar, he bought my daughter a very nice bday gift, and took us out to lunch. So when we went out to dinner I got in front of him in line to and whipped out my debit card and paid before he had a chance to dig out his wallet. Right there he makes the comment "I coulda paid you know" and I said "well... you always pay" and he responded "well it is my job" I think he kinda got offended that I paid... he almost seemed embarrassed for me to be paying instead of him. But since he ALWAYS pays I thought I would contribute too, as I don't believe it's ALL HIS job to pay for everything for us. So guys... what do you think? Would you be offended or embarrassed if a girl bought your dinner? IMO, and this is just me, it kinda sounds like a control issue, but I could be wrong. |
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OK so I'm dating someone and he ALWAYS picks up the tab wherever we go. He recently spent quite a bit on us going out to the bar, he bought my daughter a very nice bday gift, and took us out to lunch. So when we went out to dinner I got in front of him in line to and whipped out my debit card and paid before he had a chance to dig out his wallet. Right there he makes the comment "I coulda paid you know" and I said "well... you always pay" and he responded "well it is my job" I think he kinda got offended that I paid... he almost seemed embarrassed for me to be paying instead of him. But since he ALWAYS pays I thought I would contribute too, as I don't believe it's ALL HIS job to pay for everything for us. So guys... what do you think? Would you be offended or embarrassed if a girl bought your dinner? IMO, and this is just me, it kinda sounds like a control issue, but I could be wrong. In some cases, it very well could be. But, like has been said here, some guys are just ' programmed ' that way. It doesn't necessarily meant they are trying to control everything. |
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OK so I'm dating someone and he ALWAYS picks up the tab wherever we go. He recently spent quite a bit on us going out to the bar, he bought my daughter a very nice bday gift, and took us out to lunch. So when we went out to dinner I got in front of him in line to and whipped out my debit card and paid before he had a chance to dig out his wallet. Right there he makes the comment "I coulda paid you know" and I said "well... you always pay" and he responded "well it is my job" I think he kinda got offended that I paid... he almost seemed embarrassed for me to be paying instead of him. But since he ALWAYS pays I thought I would contribute too, as I don't believe it's ALL HIS job to pay for everything for us. So guys... what do you think? Would you be offended or embarrassed if a girl bought your dinner? IMO, and this is just me, it kinda sounds like a control issue, but I could be wrong. In some cases, it very well could be. But, like has been said here, some guys are just ' programmed ' that way. It doesn't necessarily meant they are trying to control everything. |
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Unless you arent going to use it against him one day.then i wouldnt feel embarasd.however its better to always talk it over before doing that.maybe he could pay for the drinks while you pay for the meal or you tell him before going out that jokingly honey am footing the bill.there nothing there.except the man got a truck full of ego inside him
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it depends on the situation .. if I invited you out I got it.. and i would get offended if you didnt let me
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Edited by
darkowl1
on
Thu 02/26/09 09:02 PM
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nobody's ever offered, and i've always paid. it's never been a discussion, and i didn't know it happened,....................... unless the guy was a deadbeat, i have heard of that.... then it's commonplace, and the only time they go out is when the girl pays,.....for everything, including the heart-ache later when he cheats too.
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Edited by
Jill298
on
Thu 02/26/09 09:03 PM
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Unless you arent going to use it against him one day.then i wouldnt feel embarasd.however its better to always talk it over before doing that.maybe he could pay for the drinks while you pay for the meal or you tell him before going out that jokingly honey am footing the bill.there nothing there.except the man got a truck full of ego inside him |
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Most the guys I date feel the same way about paying, and I think it's very sweet. I'm "old school" enough that I appreciate a man who likes to be the provider. I don't NEED them to be, but I do like the sentiment.
That said, I like to "contribute" too, so I will cook dinner for him, rent the movie, get concert or Rockies tickets..things like that so we can have a special evening that is my treat without the old "battle for the bill." He's not embarressed or uncomfortable, I feel like I'm contributing too, so for me that's always been a win-win! 
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Edited by
darkowl1
on
Thu 02/26/09 09:13 PM
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well jill, you're a jem. i've never come across that.
i've actually had ladies say,"you're rich, pay the man. and give a good tip too(i always tip over the top) i hate cheap tippers!" |
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Edited by
darkowl1
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Thu 02/26/09 09:10 PM
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wow, you gals will do that for guys? unheard of!
 
i guess i'm way too old a school..... 
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Jill, I sent you email.
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Its not offensive at all.
Have a good weekend. 
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Jill, I sent you email. |
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After so much money and so many women, I feel complimented when one pays. Although I dont feel its my job, Im always willing to pick up the tab on a date, no problem.
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OK so I'm dating someone and he ALWAYS picks up the tab wherever we go. He recently spent quite a bit on us going out to the bar, he bought my daughter a very nice bday gift, and took us out to lunch. So when we went out to dinner I got in front of him in line to and whipped out my debit card and paid before he had a chance to dig out his wallet. Right there he makes the comment "I coulda paid you know" and I said "well... you always pay" and he responded "well it is my job" I think he kinda got offended that I paid... he almost seemed embarrassed for me to be paying instead of him. But since he ALWAYS pays I thought I would contribute too, as I don't believe it's ALL HIS job to pay for everything for us. So guys... what do you think? Would you be offended or embarrassed if a girl bought your dinner? IMO, and this is just me, it kinda sounds like a control issue, but I could be wrong. In some cases, it very well could be. But, like has been said here, some guys are just ' programmed ' that way. It doesn't necessarily meant they are trying to control everything. That is pretty much what I figured, Jill. like I said, just talk to him about it before you decide to just spring it on him next time. With it being a matter of pride, the last thing you want to do is wound a man's pride too many times. |
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With it being a matter of pride, the last thing you want to do is wound a man's pride too many times.
I just don't want him to feel like I don't contribute. I also don't want him to feel like he HAS to spend all that money on me everytime we get together you know? |
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Edited by
JustAGuy2112
on
Thu 02/26/09 10:36 PM
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With it being a matter of pride, the last thing you want to do is wound a man's pride too many times.
I just don't want him to feel like I don't contribute. I also don't want him to feel like he HAS to spend all that money on me everytime we get together you know? Trust me. I can relate. The thing is, you have to let him know how you feel about it. Let him know what you just said. Let HIM be the one to determine whether you " contribute ". It's possible that just being with you is " contributing " enough for him. You need to determine his stance on it. Not just that it's his " job " but why he feels that way. THEN you can work on letting him know that it doesn't necessarily have to be that way. I am kinda tired, and I hope I am making sense here. |
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Yes, you are... and thank you
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