I have a recurring issue that I'd like to get your thoughts on.

Many times, I've met and befriended women- platonically- whom I've been very close to. We spend time together, we share intimate thoughts and experiences, we work out together; the kind of things you would find normal with any good friend.

Regardless of how long this situation persists, eventually these kind of friends of mine "shift gears" and either express a desire for more or make romantic advances on me.

This is the kind of thing you see in the movies all the time, and everyone I've spoken to pretty much agrees that "good friends, then more" is the preferable way of going about "landing a keeper".

I like to think I'm pretty competent when it comes to social interraction, so I'm baffled by my usual response: I fail to register the advance (until much later, thinking back... ugh) and continue treating them the way I always have.

Now, understand... Some of them I've even had intense romantic feelings for. None of them have I found unattractive. They don't make me feel nervous or insecure; in fact, every time it happens a strange sense of calm settles over me. I just completely fail to capitalize on the opening I'm offered. Then, of course, they feel slighted, and we usually part company shortly after.

I can't seem to shift gears! Does anyone else have a problem with that? And what do you do-- I'm tired of letting the ones I really want (and that want me!) get away!

Sounds like you have a fear of relationships to me. Stop throwing up walls and open yourself up for what someone could offer you. You will be glad you did. You could miss out on something great.

How about communicating, and if you have romantic feelings.... TELL THEM.

definite intimacy issues *nods*

May I suggest you avoid them knowing their intentions and the outcome and....RUN FOR YOUR F*CKING LIFE!!!! Girls are yucky and mean, and disfunctional...thought they taught you that in school.

LMAO

Nancy reagan says...."Just say NO"!

I'd like to point out that I've had several serious relationships (most between 3-5 years long), so I don't think that's an issue. I just seem to have an issue with being romantic with someone whom I've had a friendship with first.

Obviously not an issue with other people... hm.

These days, I'm more apt to stay in low gear or hit the emergency brake when I get to know someone I'm attracted to. Too many red flags. Perhaps they can see similar red flags?

Tim - I feel the same way for the most part. I have numerous platonic female friends.

You must be a pretty classy guy to find it hard to switch to a romantic mood after being a friend for so long. Nice character quality.

You just need to fine tune some things and add a couple of rules of your choosing.

Protect your heart. If you develop feelings for a friend, tell them ASAP. Regardless of how they may feel, you need to to be honest.

Do you ever feel like just a bystander in these friendships? If you know what you want to be to a woman, when the moment comes you must force yourself to be that to them. That is usually the start of a firey romance!

Being a good friend is one thing, being the source of passion in her eyes is quite another!

my problem is when that happens i can't help but wonder if she is not intentionally creating an opening or if, possibly, i am just overthinking a sign that isn't really there. so i don't do anything...

Yet generally with those that might have presented an opening have told me previously that we're just friends and i accept that and don't expect it to change. yet i still wonder if it ever does change for others sometimes...

I've been in that situation quite a few times -- only I never recognize that they have feelings for me until they tell me, which is generally 2-5 years after the fact, by which time their shelf life has long since expired.

Knowing what I know now, there are at least three I would like to go back in time and try it with....alas, too late....!