Remember the days when you found that someone special and his or hers careers, goals, aspirations did not matter? When you just enjoyed being with each other and the chemistry was right, or the sex was just good (Hmmm rethink that one), but you where just together. I am referring to dating in your teens and early 20’s, when you thought people in their 40’s was old: Ancient actually…LOL Why is it that when we get older we start adding all the garbage into the dating equation?
Does he or she have an education, job, how many kids and how old? Do we like all the same things? What happened to opposites attract? How many divorces, lovers, are they strait or bi? Why are they single, divorced or separated? Is there anyone out there that gets me? Ha I’d say most likely not….Do we in actuality make it harder on ourselves to date in our 40’s? Remember the days of passing him or her note reading “I like you! Do you like me?” In today’s world we wink at each other online hoping that we connect at least for the moment. We go out on that first online date hoping for the best prepared for the worst…..sometimes we are mildly surprised and find a nice fit, other times we are calling for the check thinking God get me out of here.
In summary I have come to one conclusion about dating in my 40’s, it goes back to the game of our teens. Spin the bottle and hope like all hell that sucker lands on the person you want to kiss the most…..To all of you in your 40’s like me still out there dating I salute you because we are all in the same boat….or bottle…

All of the other stuff comes into play because we are wiser and now we have to answer for what we choose. When we were young we threw caution to the wind and let the chips fall where they may. However, as we aged we saw where we could have done things a little differnt and try not to make the same mistakes. JMO

Oh Lord, So true....lol.....

Thanks. I think I'll go stick a fork in my eye now.

You make some really valid points there and a good analogy. I've thought some of the same things myself.
I think some of it comes from past experience when we did just go with our hearts or our lusts and attraction and getting screwed over, though. Those 20-something relationships were a learning situation in the end. Now that we are older, we know more of what we DON'T want in order to have a healthy relationship.
I am concerned for my daughter. Got married at 19 and they already have a 6 month old in less than 2 years of marriage. She and her husband are still buds on the bloom and although they are two very fine, loving people and have already started on their share of being a real couple, I hope they learn and grow and share and care until the day they die. But, like me and most others, they are so young and naive and have no real clue what they are in for as a couple.
So, yes, it's a shame that when we get to our age that we feel we need to place mandates before engaging in a relationship, but by the same token, those mandates are there to better ensure a healthy forward relationship. I'm not talking about the superficial crap like "she must be blond and slender". But the values and such... must be there. I don't date for the sake of dating or not being alone. I want the real deal, dang it. Heart and soul and values.

sad, sad, but so true, never thought i would even live to be 40 but here i am and i am really afraid to get out there and date, some guys are almost scary

HECK NO!

Now this is coming from a male!

I have a very tough time dating in the 30-40 year age bracket because of having sins of past relationships applied liberally to me, the deceit, and in that age bracket I came across a lot of "I, ME, MINE!" in women's thinking in that age group. It all boil down to what YOU want and what us guys want doesn't matter a lick! We are supposed to have 100k a year jobs, we are supposed to be so clean and proper, we have to own our own home, and we are expected to support you. NO I am not saying YOU in particular and NO I am not intentionally trying to Stereotype women. A lot of women 30-40 suddenly become empowered and use it like a weapon against us. As long as we fit the image you jump like hell to land us just like prize fish!

I have been though this sh*t a lot and maybe it has to do with Living in LA CA but there just is no equity or equality in relationships any more. Only a hellacious bias against men.

If it were not for the few women who think like that I would never get laid because I am a working man who has to rely on his hands and whits to get ahead since I do not have rich parents to fall back on.

The only men you have a chance to get involved with on any period of time are the gold diggers (male version), the total lying losers, and the spineless sissy men who are willing to put up with the bull.

It does not take a lot to convince me to move on. I can take physical abuse more than I can take the emotional abuse. Right now I can't seem to find a date to save my life but then again I am scrambling to just make ends meet financially.
How attractive does that make me in comparison to a rich guy with a GF already?

Everyone has their predisposed notions coming into any situation.

At least you play spin the bottle with friends and not strangers. It is more like buying a used car on eBay! You don't know what you are getting until you pay for it and claim it! Then you get to find out what surprises the car holds for you.

Internet dating is a chance anyone takes since a lot of times women misrepresent age, weight, and other things like a craving for white powders and men lie about the same thing.

Some of us do try to tell the truth online while others lie like hell and the rest of us who are really good people wind up put on the shelf.

Please don't think I am trying to pull an Al Bundy on you. I am just as much in the game as the rest of you are. the play field is not level and the rules are totally unfair.


No more !


Maybe they should put a "Spin the bottle" game on this site!!!!!!
Then Online Dating will be a lot like it!!!

Exactly, for the most part. Most tend to apply their issues with past relationships to their current one, which only causes more problems. You try to keep your head above water and trudge along, but all that results in is the same thing- you're dateless and you're hurt.

And yes- dating in the 30's is just as hairy as dating in the 40's as well, if not worse.

I just want someone with their sh*t together by the time they hit 40. I steer clear of men who have multiple ex wives with multiple ex children....because I dont need the hassle. More comes into play....but I will save that for another Jerry Springer show!!

Yeah. That goes double for people who live like they're in their teens, too. You know... the binge drinking and stuff like that. Simply childish.

I only binge on wednesdays!!!

Good for you.

and sometimes on tuesdays.......but never thursdays and once in awhile on saturdays.......

You so do not look like you are in your fortys...

exactly!

Over the last few days I have thought a lot about dating...internet or otherwise. Given what I've had to deal with concerning lies and the preconceived ideas of what a woman is supposed to be and do. ( I hate lectures at lunch...don't you?) I have decided that I am all through dating or looking for a man for any reason.

Ya finding someone that isnt so emotionally damaged from the past is really hard.......there seems to be alot of walking wounded.

My pros and cons are;
I'm pretty settled, property owner, mostly set in my ways, a homebody, not very exciting or energetic, med. problems. Slow, but steady. Loyal, honorable, faithful.
The woman's pros, for her, cons for me. Homeowner, doesn't want to move far away from kids, mostly settled in their ways, very busy with career.
There is though, that needle in the haystack.

Well i stayed married for 16 years. It was mostly physical and she is still hot as hell if you ask me. The physical attraction is a big deal! It really helps a relationship i think, but hoping to find both...... The problem is i like the bad girls, they turn me on!!!! So i just keep looking, but i know there is an exciting, fun beautiful woman out there!!!!!

Im 43 and have been out of a relationship for a year now and trying to get back into dating again.and not having much luck oh well.

OP, I know exactly where you are coming from. I am 44 and came out of an almost 24 yr marriage. I haven't dated since I was 18!

Just from reading forum posts, the issues in the dating world today were not concerns for us when we were younger and they bring up legitimate questions. Some things are just downright scary and I feel like I am better off being alone.

Then there are days where the quiet is just unbearable and I miss the companionship and security that I thought was mine when I was married. I miss being in a relationship and feeling like everything was right with the world.

I don't miss the fact that mine turned out to be unhealthy for me and my children and I am afraid of repeating the past; therefore, by choice, I am single and using this time to get to know myself. You know what? I am not half bad! One day, I will find someone who feels the same. Just not today.