im not sure if this goes here or has been discussed,but you know how ppl say in order to care for someone-you must care for yourself first?! how do you do that if you're weak and been scared and can't...i dont know-ashamed care for yourself? <btw-this is hard for me to put out there in public-on the real>

By " putting it out there " you just took one VERY large step to getting past it.

There is no way that you could let it go without recognizing what it is.

If you want someone to talk to who has been there....I'm here.

You CAN care about others without caring about yourself. Its just a cliche when people say otherwise.

I did it with the help of others. I sought out self help groups for the problems that I was having the people there helped me work through things. I also went to see a counselor at times when I felt I needed a much more professional opionion. It takes a lot of time and work. Be patient with yourself and things will get better.

Sometimes, it is good to have someone to share the care. If someone, like in your position, has problems caring for themselves, it is always good to find someone that will care for you. That way, you will grow to appreciate them as well as yourself. And then you can share what you have received to someone else that may go through it.

I'm not sure if I'm making sense...it's late where I'm at and I tend to babble when I'm tired. Sorry.

I think that is a really good topic for discussion. It is one of the reasons I now believe in friendship first. I think I am now going through one of the slowest relationships on record. I think it has evolved almost to the point of activity partner. It is as if she wants to go do something or if she wants to answer the phone. It is as if I really loved myself would I put myself through so much torture? Is this like some kind of karma thing going on where I am making up for something I did in the past or some former reincarnation? Or is it like I have exhausted the point of how far this relationship can actually go? I wonder if I am even being a friend to myself by letting it continue. It really doesn't feel like any kind of natural relationship I have ever had. I am being to wonder if there are unnatural relationships.

k well-ive always been proud to not lie about my looks or personality. its hard and shameful-but i know i can be more moody than 50 women on menapause! ive been to therapy. but i know i have to do it within myself for myself. im scared and weak and shy it effect any interest i might have on a guy

I would look into getting professional help if you think you are hitting rock bottom. The fact that you are reaching out means you recognize your problem and you want to do something about it. Are these current feelings based on a recent break up or has this been going on for years?

I am saying this because I have been there. It has been a long road but well worth the travel.

Yes, it will affect any interest a guy has and to be blunt it isn't fair to any guy you date. You have issues that you need to work on first before putting yourself out there. Your happiness should never depend on being with a certain person. What if they leave? Will you no longer be a happy person?

If you have been to therapy, I would look into getting a diagnosis and see if medication will help. You have some work ahead of you.

Rainbowtrout,
Have you made her aware that you want the relationship to go to another level? Does she know you are attracted to her in that way? If it is going this slow, you need to have a heart to heart talk with her.

I`m reading a really interesting book right now called,..

" Women who love too Much "

it explains how the dysfunction that goes on in families,.follows one into adulthood,..

like no matter how bad your childhood was,.you might try to duplicate the same scenerio over again until you get some help to clear your past,..

it`s not your fault and if you can examine the past,..it might set you free

The greatest love of all is easy to achieve, learning to love yourself it is the greatest love of allllllllll cough hack! You get the point.

Of course you can care for others but to be able to have a functional relationship with someone, both parties need to have self respect and self worth.

I have been in relationships with men who were insecure and it is not only heartbreaking that they don't believe in themselves but also maddening because their insecurity undermines the relationship.