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| Topic: love first then sex? | |
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sex to soon? right ... if I meet someone that I am attracted to and think I want to know them better I just let things happen naturally.. maybe there is sex right away maybe not.. I have been in that spot plenty of times that the woman wanted sex before I did... so where is the harm? If you want to know someone as a possible long term commitment then sex is part of knowing them.. you have to know if your compatible on all levels... physical, mental, and emotional... we aren't in high school anymore. So it is necessary for you to have sex with a woman before you can fall in love with her? I'm not judging....just asking for clarification on your answer. I truly believe for some, it is. |
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sex to soon? right ... if I meet someone that I am attracted to and think I want to know them better I just let things happen naturally.. maybe there is sex right away maybe not.. I have been in that spot plenty of times that the woman wanted sex before I did... so where is the harm? If you want to know someone as a possible long term commitment then sex is part of knowing them.. you have to know if your compatible on all levels... physical, mental, and emotional... we aren't in high school anymore. However I do kind of resent the insinuation that it is immature to want to wait to have sex which is what your last line implied. |
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I have always waited.
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Edited by
mariposakc
on
Wed 12/24/08 12:48 PM
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So let me see if I understand....
Let me help you from hurting me by having sex with you before you love me so you know if it is good enough sex to avoid being unhappy in the long run. Classic!!!!! sex is to much an integrial part of a good relationship.. so It would mean I would be unhappy in the long run...but I am glad I know of this before my heart let me love her totally with out reservations... all I would end up doing is hurt her then. [/qoute] |
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waiting is fine I didn't say or implied that it was immature not to wait or to wait till you fall in love... I have to ask how can you put each and every situation into one set of rules? to each their own if a woman wanted to wait then I am fine with that... but I will say again.. at some point you have to find out if your compatible.... AGAIN on all levels
when and how you choose to do that as always will vary .. some women are aggressive some are not same with men and I make no apologies for it.. again "let nature take its own course" as adults we can and do make our choices good bad or just down right thoughtless.. but on apersonal note... I would like to know if the person I think might be a partner for life is compatible with me... practice safe sex is the responsible thing to do. |
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So let me see if I understand.... Let me help you from hurting me by having sex with you before you love me so you know if it is good enough sex to avoid being unhappy in the long run. Classic!!!!! That's what bothers me about this scenario too. I (the woman) have to give this part of myself to a man hoping that I will be worthy of his love. If its not that great for him than I'm just out of luck. And even if it is great he still may not hang around as it wasn't a guarantee he would fall in love with me. |
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I see sex as icing on the cake...... And I want good cake first! |
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So let me see if I understand.... Let me help you from hurting me by having sex with you before you love me so you know if it is good enough sex to avoid being unhappy in the long run. Classic!!!!! That's what bothers me about this scenario too. I (the woman) have to give this part of myself to a man hoping that I will be worthy of his love. If its not that great for him than I'm just out of luck. And even if it is great he still may not hang around as it wasn't a guarantee he would fall in love with me. Exactly why I have my rule. |
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Marriage before sex.
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waiting is fine I didn't say or implied that it was immature not to wait or to wait till you fall in love... I have to ask how can you put each and every situation into one set of rules? to each their own if a woman wanted to wait then I am fine with that... but I will say again.. at some point you have to find out if your compatible.... AGAIN on all levels when and how you choose to do that as always will vary .. some women are aggressive some are not same with men and I make no apologies for it.. again "let nature take its own course" as adults we can and do make our choices good bad or just down right thoughtless.. but on apersonal note... I would like to know if the person I think might be a partner for life is compatible with me... practice safe sex is the responsible thing to do. Where did you get the idea that I thought everyone should abide by any rules? |
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no maria you don't but would you stay with a man if the sex was terrible? would you stay loyal? please do not misunderstand my view point.. I am not here to judge or be judged..just answered a simple question and gave my viewpoint nothing more... its up to the two (repeat) two peopleinvoled in the courting/ dating process to decide if they want to have sex before or after they may or may not fall in love... again each situation has a different choices.. you take the fork in the road to the left you have certain things happen.. take the onme on the right and only good things happen... yet you have no idea which fork offers what.. so how do you choose? flip a quarter draw straws make a wild guess?.. make choices on the information at hand?... gee I like someone and want to see them again and again and want to find out if we are compatible then I will try my best.. I respect the others wishes and values and morals so its "not expected" as you seem to think.. sorry
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Marriage before sex. Well I don't ever want to get married again and I do want sex again. But I can certainly understand why this is viable policy for some people. Just to reiterate to everyone....I am not saying that there is anything wrong with however you decide to conduct your sexual relationships. I guess I am just trying to clarify some things in my own mind for myself. |
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Compatibility for relationships and/or marriage is measured in many dimensions. Sexual compatibility is just one of them.
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The only thing I will say if she smells she's gone.. As for bad sex. I haven't had a girl keep up with me yet, hopefully as I age, I will be suitable to get off...
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bravo angleindarkness.....
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no maria you don't but would you stay with a man if the sex was terrible? would you stay loyal? please do not misunderstand my view point.. I am not here to judge or be judged..just answered a simple question and gave my viewpoint nothing more... its up to the two (repeat) two peopleinvoled in the courting/ dating process to decide if they want to have sex before or after they may or may not fall in love... again each situation has a different choices.. you take the fork in the road to the left you have certain things happen.. take the onme on the right and only good things happen... yet you have no idea which fork offers what.. so how do you choose? flip a quarter draw straws make a wild guess?.. make choices on the information at hand?... gee I like someone and want to see them again and again and want to find out if we are compatible then I will try my best.. I respect the others wishes and values and morals so its "not expected" as you seem to think.. sorry Actually the very first line in your very first post did imply that it was expected. And you did say that you would not pursue a relationship without making sure you were sexually compatible. And if that works for you then that is fine. |
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no maria you don't but would you stay with a man if the sex was terrible? would you stay loyal? Actually, I did fall in love with someone who wasn't great in bed for various reasons. Would I have been loyal? Eternally. His other attributes overweighed this aspect of our relationship and he in my eyes and heart was a magnificent lover of thoughts, words, and deeds. I am not motivited to love through my libido. |
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Good sex is very subjective. If I was in a relationship with a man I loved and who I knew loved me there wouldn't be much I wouldn't do to meet his every sexual desire and need.
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no maria you don't but would you stay with a man if the sex was terrible? would you stay loyal? Actually, I did fall in love with someone who wasn't great in bed for various reasons. Would I have been loyal? Eternally. His other attributes overweighed this aspect of our relationship and he in my eyes and heart was a magnificent lover of thoughts, words, and deeds. I am not motivited to love through my libido. Right. It is a give and take. A trade off. Each person decides what are must haves, dealbreakers, what they can accept/tolerate. Hopefully there is enough spark on many levels, physical, emotional, mental, sexual, spiritually, values, goals, integrity, and more to make it worth it. |
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Wow, it seems this gets a wording discussion and a search for difference in opinion. That's fine and there will always be differences in opinions. I am glad there are differences; each has its own rules he or she lives by. I think that's great, the world would be so boring without it.
And when should we have sex? Before, during or after love? For ME there is one rule: It always take two to tango so when both are ready and want to, there will be sex. When someone thinks it's too late or too soon they always have a choice to bail out of the relationship. All the best and happy holidays. |
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