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| Topic: "IN YOUR FACE" - part 2 | |
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snap out of it woody....shes hooked up with billie jean king!!!!
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Dang!!! That's just my luck!!!
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Dang!!! That's just my luck!!! 
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merry christmas all
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MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL
AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT |
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Merry CHRISTmas!!!!
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((((((((Wolfie)))))))))
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stiring except for a wolf....... The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, As the wolf ate the treats and no one came out if they dared...... The ladies were asleep and warm in their beds...... While visions of wolf takeovers danced in their heads.... And mamma in her neglegee and I in my cap, Had just settled down for a long winters nap. when I heard a loud howl and almost took a crap, When out on the hall there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. Away to the hall I flew like a flash, threw open the door and came face to face with a knash. The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow Showed me the wolf with teeth bared looking up at me from below, When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a that big bad wolf who took a bit of me with a great big tear, He was a scary wolf, and mean wolf so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be me that he picked. More rapid than eagles his coursers they came, And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name; "Now, Daisy! now, Donna! now, Patricia and Vixen! On, Carrie! on Chris! on, Debbie and Betty! To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall! Now come to me! come to me! come to me all!" As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky, So all the ladies going to porch, and down the stairs they flew, With the that wolf right behind with me as a witness this he knew. He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot, And his teeth were all white and his fur was tarnished with ashes and soot; A bundle of toys he had flung on his back, And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack. His eyes -- how they twinkled! his grin how merry! And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow; The meat that he took was held tight in his teeth, And anyone in his way would surly feel grief. A wink of his eye and a twist of his head, Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread; He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, pleasing all the ladies; then turned with a jerk, And laying his finger aside of his nose, and giving a nod, out the door he did go. He sprang to the forest and gave a loud howl, And away they all flew like the down of a thistle. But I heard him exclaim, ere he ran out of sight, "Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night." |
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love it Deb!!!!
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  Merry Christmas Wolfie-meister |
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I do remember a somewhat different version though.....
something like....... Mom at the whorehouse and Dad smokin crack. I just climbed on top of a nice piece of azz!! ?????????????????????????????? he filled all the stockings with pretzles and beer, and a big rubber **** for my brother the queer. he rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart, the bastard blew the damn thing apart. I heard him cussing as he rode out of sight, piss on you all and have a hell of a night!!! ....you can fill in the missing parts ...thats all I remembered |
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Edited by
feralcatlady
on
Thu 12/25/08 09:29 AM
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lol lol lol your such a wolf
arrrrrrrrr NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS 'Twas the night before Christmas, and gee it was neat. The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat. The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook, It was time for some nookie, by hook or by crook. Momma in her teddy and I in the nude, Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube. When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner, and momma went dry. Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself. The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, Shoved a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer. With a fat little driver, half out of the sled, A sock in his ear and a bra on his head. Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite, And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right. "Whoa ****head, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz, Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts." "Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree, Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee." They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub, Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub. And then from the roof we heard such a clatter, As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder. I was donning my jockeys, to cover my ass, When down the chimney Santa came with a crash. His suit was all smelly with perfume galore, He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore. "That was some brothel," he said with a smile, "The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay awhile" He walked to the kitchen for himself poured a drink, Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink. I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee, The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee. Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack, But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed. The first thing he found was a pair of false tits, The next was a handgun with a penis that spits. A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find, And six pair of panties, the edible kind. A bra without nipples, a penis extension, And several more things I shouldn't even mention. 50 condoms, a G-string and all kinds of oil, And a dildo so long that it lay in a coil. "This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will ****, So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split." He filled every stocking and then took his leave, With one tiny butt plug stuck under his sleeve. He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead, Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead. In time he was seated, took reigns of his hitch, Saying, "Take me home, Rudolph. This night's been a *****!" The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout, "The best thing about nookie is that you can't wear it out!" I HOPE I DON'T GET IN TROUBLE |
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lol lol lol your such a wolf arrrrrrrrr NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS 'Twas the night before Christmas, and gee it was neat. The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat. The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook, It was time for some nookie, by hook or by crook. Momma in her teddy and I in the nude, Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube. When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner, and momma went dry. Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself. The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, Shoved a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer. With a fat little driver, half out of the sled, A sock in his ear and a bra on his head. Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite, And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right. "Whoa ****head, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz, Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts." "Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree, Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee." They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub, Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub. And then from the roof we heard such a clatter, As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder. I was donning my jockeys, to cover my ass, When down the chimney Santa came with a crash. His suit was all smelly with perfume galore, He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore. "That was some brothel," he said with a smile, "The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay awhile" He walked to the kitchen for himself poured a drink, Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink. I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee, The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee. Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack, But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed. The first thing he found was a pair of false tits, The next was a handgun with a penis that spits. A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find, And six pair of panties, the edible kind. A bra without nipples, a penis extension, And several more things I shouldn't even mention. 50 condoms, a G-string and all kinds of oil, And a dildo so long that it lay in a coil. "This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will ****, So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split." He filled every stocking and then took his leave, With one tiny butt plug stuck under his sleeve. He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead, Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead. In time he was seated, took reigns of his hitch, Saying, "Take me home, Rudolph. This night's been a *****!" The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout, "The best thing about nookie is that you can't wear it out!" I HOPE I DON'T GET IN TROUBLE
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lol lol lol your such a wolf arrrrrrrrr NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS 'Twas the night before Christmas, and gee it was neat. The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat. The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook, It was time for some nookie, by hook or by crook. Momma in her teddy and I in the nude, Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube. When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner, and momma went dry. Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself. The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, Shoved a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer. With a fat little driver, half out of the sled, A sock in his ear and a bra on his head. Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite, And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right. "Whoa ****head, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz, Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts." "Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree, Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee." They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub, Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub. And then from the roof we heard such a clatter, As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder. I was donning my jockeys, to cover my ass, When down the chimney Santa came with a crash. His suit was all smelly with perfume galore, He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore. "That was some brothel," he said with a smile, "The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay awhile" He walked to the kitchen for himself poured a drink, Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink. I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee, The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee. Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack, But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed. The first thing he found was a pair of false tits, The next was a handgun with a penis that spits. A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find, And six pair of panties, the edible kind. A bra without nipples, a penis extension, And several more things I shouldn't even mention. 50 condoms, a G-string and all kinds of oil, And a dildo so long that it lay in a coil. "This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will ****, So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split." He filled every stocking and then took his leave, With one tiny butt plug stuck under his sleeve. He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead, Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead. In time he was seated, took reigns of his hitch, Saying, "Take me home, Rudolph. This night's been a *****!" The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout, "The best thing about nookie is that you can't wear it out!" I HOPE I DON'T GET IN TROUBLE HOLY CRAP THATS TOO FUNNY
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(((((((missy))))))))))
(((((((((Lee))))))))) |
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((((((Debbie))))))))))
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Edited by
feralcatlady
on
Thu 12/25/08 10:19 AM
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How are ya darling.....ok stories are flying this morning
A Letter to Rudolph Dear Husband, It is time that I must have my say, I've taken your **** day after day. I've kept the home peaceful year after year Now there is going to be changes, so listen my dear. So you're famous, everyone knows your name, And you're a specialist by gum, in the transport game, You think you're so grand with your important job. But I'm telling you my dear you're a worn out old yob 363 days a year, You sit on your arse drinking scotch, rum and beer, You claim it is to keep up the shine on your nose So Santa can see where he bloodywell goes. One night a year is all that you work, You and your eight reisty mates - they're all jerks. Dasher and Dancer - Speed freaks I say, The sleigh wouldn't go that quick any other way. Prancer and Vixen - Just cheap little tarts, But they look like angels once Comet starts. Cupids on some freaked out damned power trip, And Donner...well, she should just get a damned grip And Blitzen, I almost don't need to say, Is here getting blitzed with you every day. All of these years at the front of the sled, Has gone, I'm afraid, to your crusty old head. You're a layabout and a drunkard, with a big shiny nose, And a weakness for elves in black pantyhose. I'm telling you husband that one Christmas song, Has made you think that you can do no wrong. So this year while your out with old Santa's sled, I am eloping, my dear, with your friend. - Mr. Ed |
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How's everything tonight? Dang that was best version fo "twas...." that I ever heard!!!!
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This never gets old as the stories are told!!!!
Santa popped down the chimney Christmas eve and there on the couch was the most beautiful woman, dressed in a bathrobe. Santa stared on his way to the tree, bent over and placed the presents under it. He stood up and on his way back to the chimney, she stood up and asked "Santa? Can you stay for awhile?" Tempted, Santa replied,"Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go! Gotta get these toys to the Kid's you know!". She removed her robe and exposed all off her beauty and pleaded "Pleeeeeaaassee Santa? Can't you stay?" Santa dropped his sack and said "HEY HEY HEY!!!! Gottta stay, gotta stay! Can't get up the chimney with my **** this way!!!!" |
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