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| Topic: A serious question. | |
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its been 9 months since brad n i started dating. and im still waiting for the other shoe to drop.. still wondering exeactly when he will realize what all the others have and know that im totaly unworthy.. i just take one day at a time.. and reasure myself that i deserve happiness just as much as anyone.  You certainly do! |
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positive thinking results in positive results This is true. I do that with almost every other thing in my life, or try to. |
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I guess from being divorced three times, I've learned to compartmentalize the past and put it out of my mind and that leaves me free to concentrate on the euphoria that comes from a new relationship You are wise my friend. |
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I think there are alot of scared people on this site. They want a relationship yet dont because they are afraid to get hurt again, which is understandable. Thats why Ive been single for 3 years. But in those 3 years Ive done alot of soul searching instead of holding onto hatred. When we let go, we make ourselves vulnerable to other people and what they can do. And that is scary, almost unbearable to some. But.......what if......you opened yourself up and its good???? Really good????? You have to take the chance......but go into with eyes WIDE OPEN!!! to you for being serious when I asked for it. It's good so far......and you are wise as well.
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I do get like that when things start to get serious. I seem to think the other person wants somthing they arent telling. Its important to tell someone you are involved with what you really desire. If this never happens then you are fooling your partner and your self. then the lies will come, to cover what is really desired.
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For those of you that have had long relationships (or even short ones) that failed....... Do you ever get the jitters when a new relationship is going great? Kind of like maybe you don't deserve it, or that something will surely go wrong? I'm not talking about insecurities, we all have those about one thing or another. It's more of kind of forgetting how it feels to have a good thing. Am I the only one who analyzes stuff to death, almost to the point of sabotaging myself? This is not a make me feel good thread. I want some serious advice on how you deal with the "feelings". What you are experiencing is not uncommon. In fact its even a trait found in some cultures. It is instilled in people that it is in fact tempting the forces of nature to appear "too happy" or "too fortunate" and to do so will most certainly bring about a devastating reversal of fortune. So its very real and something that can be instilled in people from their friends or family or cultural upbringing. In those cases it would be external forces that are recognizable. In your situation it might simply be that you personally are battling some kind of perceived wrong doing or guilt in your past. This is causing you to feel that you do not rightfully deserve your happiness now and that you are temporally relishing it only because you have somehow "stolen" the happiness to begin with. Is this true? If it is, what do you feel guilty about? |
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I can relate to this. I had "it all". Then my husband was diagnosed with cancer and died 10 months later. I have found it difficult to accept that not everyone will be diagnosed, or get hit by a bus just because they are running late. I'm saying all this to say, that in some form or another, for one reason or another, I think it pops up for just about all of us. I think we all work within our frame of reference.
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Edited by
heathersaysgobucks
on
Sun 12/07/08 06:46 AM
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Ok Krimsa......Auburngirl brings up a good point that may help me to answer your question. (I'm so sorry about your husband too btw Auburngirl)
What do I feel guilty about? And I wasn't ignoring your question yesterday. I was trying to think about what I would feel guilty about and was that indeed the case. To answer, yes I feel guilty. I feel guilty about failing at my marriage. I feel guilty that my kids are now in a broken home. I feel guilty that I picked a man that 1.5 years after a divorce has little to do with his children when previously one of the children was a daddy's girl. I feel guilty every time she cries her little heart out over another one of Dad's disappointments. Furthermore, I'm just a little bit scared to take that chance again. Oftentimes we are so busy blaming the other person for leaving the marriage or relationship that we choose not to remind ourselves that we placed our self there. Even through some really sh*tty scenarios I have always maintained that it was 50% my deal too. Yes, people change (and bad unforseen things happen) and we can't control that. Marriages fall apart. But I always have in the back of my mind the fact that I too could have done better. I did talk to the guy I'm seeing about all this. I don't want to talk it to death though, as that's a sure way to end it quick. Above all I just asked for some patience as I work through the crap in my head. I can only hope by posting this someone else who's feeling that way can work it through too. I see a lot of similar mind frames around Mingle and so many lovely people who are "afraid" to try it again. Human nature is a mysterious thing. |
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I did talk to the guy I'm seeing about all this. I don't want to talk it to death though, as that's a sure way to end it quick. Above all I just asked for some patience as I work through the crap in my head. This was the problem I had with my last relationship. He got sick of me always asking if things were okay, of me bringing up issues that he thought were resolved. I sort of self destructed that relationship, but he was also not honest about his feelings for his ex wife and it ultimately ended with him going back to her. |
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I did talk to the guy I'm seeing about all this. I don't want to talk it to death though, as that's a sure way to end it quick. Above all I just asked for some patience as I work through the crap in my head. This was the problem I had with my last relationship. He got sick of me always asking if things were okay, of me bringing up issues that he thought were resolved. I sort of self destructed that relationship, but he was also not honest about his feelings for his ex wife and it ultimately ended with him going back to her. Awwwww, I'm sorry. He definitely was not the one for you then! I think communication is key in any relationship but I also say actions speak louder than words (well someone else said that WAY before I did obviously.....haha). I think I'd take a man who speaks less and does more any day over one who sits and proliferates goals and ideas which he can't produce. |
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