My guy and I started a happy relationship thirteen months ago, but now it seems like a force is keeping us together verses our love and happiness. Now, I'm not the easiest person to get along with, but neither the worst. I try to do all that I can for him. So much has changed, lack of attention he gives me, the compliments, the passionate supportiviness.....the list continues. I haven't cheated on him and I don't believe he's cheated on me with anyone physically. I know he has an internet obsession and chat with different (big breasted regardless of beauty) women online. I think our attitudes have changed for each other b/c of his full-time relationship with my son. Since I work and he's in college he pickes my son up from school, take him to daycare, take care of him on weekends and days he's not with his biological father. Not only that I stay with him b/c of some financial issues. Okay, yes. He does alot for me. But, our arguements are horrible over the smallest things and our sex life is now crap and we're in our 20's!! I come home to a dirty house which I wash the dishes, clean the bathroom, wash n fold the clothes, mop, beach...the works and everyday the apt is back to its disgusting quarters. I'm worn out, he's worn out. I can't leave b/c I need him and he dnt want to break up b/c I will be assed out. The reason I have been staying with him the last 3 months is b/c in Jan08 I plan to quit working to focus on school. Anyone ever been in this situation? Are there questions I should ask myself? When do you know its truly over? Ho do you let go? Please help. I really love this guy and we have communicated how things are going. We change for a couple days then everything goes right back to the envitable.

Don't be scared. Reply. I need your responses. Positive or negative. I will appreciate them both.

Thats a lot of drama to read through.

It does not sound like a healthy relationship at this point. Great that you are going to concentrate on your studies but is it going to be a distraction for you to be in a relationship like this ? I really do not know you or your man but all couples fight about money and go through their ups and downs. You have to ask yourself .... are you staying there because you have to or because you want to?

Move on...
Put your mind to taking care of yourself and your son by yourself.
Nothing is worth the misery of fighting all the time. You can do so much better!

once you go white...then its dynamite ...yeah

At this point it does feel like I have to. I asked him today if he ever feels like leaving me and he said yes, but then the good times pull him back.



On the drama comment. I know, lol. Sorry, but this is the relationship advise section. LMAO.

I decided to post, bc this is not something I would discuss with parents and not serious enough to talk to a professional about.

So I figured a group of knowledgeable peers would do me justice.

why stay in a realtionship

if your not happy ?

Same answer...
You're more powerful than you imagine. Don't "settle" for something bad...

He is white and since the relationship is exploding I guess ur right.

Life was simplier when it was just my son and I, but since this is the first time I've ever been in love I felt this was the real thing!

Feels sinful to love yet lose something.

k...what has helped me in the past is a list of pros and cons...
on your man...on your relationship...
you seek answers, but you already have them...
also, what does your gut say??
relationships are work...if you are willing to work, and so is he, then you may want to seek some counseling, and some help with being parents, balancing life, work, & school...

It may not have anything to do with color/race...

From what you wrote it sounds like you both love and care about each other very much and he seems to love and care about your son. Those things are not things to be taken lightly nor thrown away. Being tired can take it's toll on people and it seems that each side always thinks they're giving just as much if not more, but neither really looks and appreciates the other and what the other does. Been there done that... I think that lack of appreciation and communication is a lot of times the root cause to relationships ending.

My suggestion to you is to communicate with him, let him know how much you appreciate him and all that he does, especially b/c he doesn't have to do it... But first you need to write down all the things he does for you.. Taking care of your son is HUGE and if you have to clean a messy house when you get home, so be it. I could be worse, you could be by yourself, doing everything without help... Been there done that as well... I'm not saying you don't bring anything to the table, from what you've written you do, you both do and you both need to decide if it's worth it to work together and move past the bump you've hit, try to work on the romance once you get the appreciate in place it should be right back where it's supposed to be....

JMHO...

maybe you where in love,

now just in lust perhaps?

I have a girlfriend and we were going through the same thing. Why are you going to give up on him? No. I say you stick with him. Tell him that things NEED to change or else its never going to work.

You really need to get your mind off of the idea that you need him. You had a life before him, you'll have one after. I went through relationship drama a few years back while I was going to school and, instead of focusing on school, I let my worry overtake my studying. I ended up withdrawing because of all the stress. You may not want to hear it, but you need to concentrate on youself and your son.

IndnPrncs, you're awesome.

We have had talks and he realizes he can be a bit harsh. This is his first relationship and of course first experience with a child. I think I attack him over things instead of explaining. It's that sometimes he makes comments to my son that as a mother it's painful and infuriating. For example, today my son said "Who's money is on the coffee table" my bf response was " It's not yours" This one may be petty, but it really set me off. I just pulled him to the side and asked him not to talk to him like that. He's just a kid. Sometimes he apologizes to me b/c he's only had a younger brother and doesn't know his exact role and how he's supposed to be. I can't explain it....this is a first for me too. If anything I can take this as a lesson learned, but is it really. My attitude and dominant ways have not changed. How do you change what is within you even if you truly want to change. Man, being an adult is extremely difficult. I don't know when I'm responding out of anger, or being petty. I'm just as confused as he is. Certain things that my guy does seem to just make me upset. Of course, he is too. Hence, devoting his time to porshe magazines, the internet, video games.... When he's frustrated "we" all experience it.

In writing out my pros and cons. I've done this before. More pros than cons then here recently that has changed, but it could be b/c Im frustrated.

My main question if this can be answered...How do I know if I should press on? Given his young age, how do I make him open up with major changes. Now I know I can't make him change, but how can I encourage him and who will encourage me?

My parents have been together for 30 years and my father gives their success to the leadership/role of the house. Where the father is the MAN and the woman is there to listen, support and follow regardless if she feels the man is wrong.

Im not that type. I'm a leader and my charactistics (LEO within) would never allow me to submit. Or am I being immature?

He has suggested that we take a break. Maybe that's best!!

I've been on my own since 18, never allowing anyone to help me. Never really needing help, b/c I always seemed to figure things out. He came into my life and changed my thoughts and it felt good not to always have the world on my sholders.

I do feel like I have lost a piece of myself, but everyone deserves a break, right?

My son's father is a great dad. He takes custody every other week (split shift) so it's not like I'm looking for a father-figure for my son. This is supposed to be for me.

Thank you

You're not being immature Cutie, you're learning about life and so is he.. He's young and has more learning to do than you, he's never had a kid so he reacts and says things without thinking (even 40 yr old men do that)... No one can make a relationship work on one side, both have to work at it. Sometimes a break is good but sometimes we just have to stand up and deal with things. If you guys talk and can't come to a compromise then nothing will work.

Only your heart can tell you if you should keep pushing on...

I went through something like this with my ex. I think the term could be familiarity brings contempt. We tried to keep communicating but it came out as fighting. A separation did seem to help for a while but I think we both liked the separation so much the divorce really was nice. Soon after I gained my friend back as long as we didn't spend too much time with each other because then the fighting would resume. Compatibility was just wasn't enough. Yup. Sex went next. I wouldn't think it would be good to dis each other. You just might not be right for each other.