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| Topic: Double Standard? | |
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It seems to me that men feel it is perfectly all right to express their excitement about a woman in ways that would send them running for the hills if a woman said the same thing. Example of things men have said to me are as follows:
Did you read my profile, cause you are the exact women I have been looking for! You are perfect for me, i want to make this happen. Will you marry me? I will drop whatever I am doing to meet you, just tell me the time and the place. Yes, i know that this is playful banter. But my question is why are men allowed and feel comfortable doing this while women saying the same thing would be seen as desperate or just plain crazy? |
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I bet my money on cultural stereotypes.
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Yes I agree with you. Its kinda funny when you tell a guy how you feel and he gets scared, but when he tells you how he feels you are to be excited! Those are the ones that you need to be careful with, they may be telling everyone the same thing just to get somewhere. But you are very right, they see things in two standards! Good luck in finding a good one.
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I guess I must be getting old, when I sound like something my Dad would of said.
Maybe its the change of the normal mating practices changed by movies, and shows like the pick up artists1, and 2. Unfortunately insensitivity is abound. What happened to a quiet dinner, a couple of flowers, and long talks by the lake, getting to know the personality, not the impression of a pic. 
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I guess I must be getting old, when I sound like something my Dad would of said. Maybe its the change of the normal mating practices changed by movies, and shows like the pick up artists1, and 2. Unfortunately insensitivity is abound. What happened to a quiet dinner, a couple of flowers, and long talks by the lake, getting to know the personality, not the impression of a pic. wanna go on a date? 
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I guess I must be getting old, when I sound like something my Dad would of said. Maybe its the change of the normal mating practices changed by movies, and shows like the pick up artists1, and 2. Unfortunately insensitivity is abound. What happened to a quiet dinner, a couple of flowers, and long talks by the lake, getting to know the personality, not the impression of a pic. |
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I guess I must be getting old, when I sound like something my Dad would of said. Maybe its the change of the normal mating practices changed by movies, and shows like the pick up artists1, and 2. Unfortunately insensitivity is abound. What happened to a quiet dinner, a couple of flowers, and long talks by the lake, getting to know the personality, not the impression of a pic. wanna go on a date? Do you live near a lake? 
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Edited by
Mr_Music
on
Mon 11/17/08 05:53 AM
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Let's be realistic: physical attraction is naturally pretty high up on the initial attraction scale. Despite the people who insist that "it's inside what counts, not the appearance", a person always goes first for what attracts them by eye. Let's face facts. Nobody wants to be with a bow-wow. However, looks are subjective. What one person may think looks hideous, another may find attractive.
The next step is determining whether or not that person is "out of your league". Again, there are folks who will just say to go for it. That isn't always possible. I know for a fact that there are a lot of uber-gorgeous women out there with incredible personalities, but they're still single due to the fact that guys find them to be unapproachable, generally due to the lady's beauty. Most men would feel as though that woman already has a million guys knocking down her door, and she can have her pick of the litter, yet in reality, she's alone. One cancels out the other. Attitude and finances also play a huge role, whether anyone agrees with me or not. If someone is "well-connected", or is financially well-off, or both, a person who does NOT have those attributes will most times not even engage in conversation with the other because of "not being in the same class". A person who is into all the latest fashions or attends all the hoity-toity social gatherings, compared to a person who enjoys wearing a t-shirt and jeans and enjoying a beer on the deck with a few friends, or working on their own car in the garage....how often does that go over well? Mutual compatibility is key. From there, one can determine if further steps can or should be taken. You have to kind of look into your own personal crystal ball a little bit. |
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It seems to me that men feel it is perfectly all right to express their excitement about a woman in ways that would send them running for the hills if a woman said the same thing. Example of things men have said to me are as follows: Did you read my profile, cause you are the exact women I have been looking for! You are perfect for me, i want to make this happen. Will you marry me? I will drop whatever I am doing to meet you, just tell me the time and the place. Yes, i know that this is playful banter. But my question is why are men allowed and feel comfortable doing this while women saying the same thing would be seen as desperate or just plain crazy? Playful banter? Nope, not at all. It is desperation and men not having a clue that they are coming on too strong and being stupid. A double standard would imply that we are okay with them saying it because we would be expecting it as normal behavior from them. But most of us run the other way when we see those statements. |
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Let's be realistic: physical attraction is naturally pretty high up on the initial attraction scale. Despite the people who insist that "it's inside what counts, not the appearance", a person always goes first for what attracts them by eye. Let's face facts. Nobody wants to be with a bow-wow. However, looks are subjective. What one person may think looks hideous, another may find attractive. Yes you do need to have the attraction and everyone doesnt see the same way. I am very attracted to my boyfriend in which I met on here. But someone else may not be. But what got me the most was who he was and how he treated me and our kids. My point would be even if someone isnt what you would find the most attractive person doesnt me he or she cant make you the happiest person ever. And maybe they will be more attractive to you with thier personality. It sure is nice to find someone with both things going...as I did with him! |
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I think we are getting a little side tracked. I want to know why guy think they can say that stuff?
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Edited by
Mr_Music
on
Mon 11/17/08 06:17 AM
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Because they're stupid and don't think before putting their mouth in gear.
There's your Reader's Digest version. |
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welll madam dnt u thnk one shud speak up?its good dat male speak atleast coz ,most times females want d same thng but ther dnt speak out|
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I think we are getting a little side tracked. I want to know why guy think they can say that stuff? I think because your are not right there in their face to kick them to the curb. I don't send an email that I wouldn't say to someones face. This online stuff is supposed to be fun, not an aggrevation. |
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The few times I have said anything remotely like that. men have high tailed it out of there. Even though I qualified it with, "what I want ultimately"
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It seems to me that men feel it is perfectly all right to express their excitement about a woman in ways that would send them running for the hills if a woman said the same thing. Example of things men have said to me are as follows: Did you read my profile, cause you are the exact women I have been looking for! You are perfect for me, i want to make this happen. Will you marry me? I will drop whatever I am doing to meet you, just tell me the time and the place. Yes, i know that this is playful banter. But my question is why are men allowed and feel comfortable doing this while women saying the same thing would be seen as desperate or just plain crazy? Playful banter? Nope, not at all. It is desperation and men not having a clue that they are coming on too strong and being stupid. A double standard would imply that we are okay with them saying it because we would be expecting it as normal behavior from them. But most of us run the other way when we see those statements. I agree. It falls into the desperation category, not playful banter. |
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I guess I must be getting old, when I sound like something my Dad would of said. Maybe its the change of the normal mating practices changed by movies, and shows like the pick up artists1, and 2. Unfortunately insensitivity is abound. What happened to a quiet dinner, a couple of flowers, and long talks by the lake, getting to know the personality, not the impression of a pic. wanna go on a date? Do you live near a lake? No, but I know how to bake! 
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I guess I must be getting old, when I sound like something my Dad would of said. Maybe its the change of the normal mating practices changed by movies, and shows like the pick up artists1, and 2. Unfortunately insensitivity is abound. What happened to a quiet dinner, a couple of flowers, and long talks by the lake, getting to know the personality, not the impression of a pic. wanna go on a date? Do you live near a lake? No, but I know how to bake! Nothing says Lovin like something from the oven!!! |
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Men don't realize women actually listen to them and read what they write. They don't reciprocate, so they don't see it as a problem. The fact that they are presenting as a derranged person does not compute.
 It doesn't matter anyhow, they don't read the response, just the fact that you respond gives them hope....
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Men don't realize women actually listen to them and read what they write. They don't reciprocate, so they don't see it as a problem. The fact that they are presenting as a derranged person does not compute. It doesn't matter anyhow, they don't read the response, just the fact that you respond gives them hope.... Some guy yesterday asked me why I responded when I wasn't interested. I told him I pretty much respond to everyone in some way, even if I'm not interested. He said it only gives a guy hope and makes them think someone is interested, because most don't bother. My thing is if they'd actually read the response, they can tell right away if I'm not interested. So yes, I guess that's true that most don't even bother to read what you write. |
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