Hey Sheila rmind me not to IM you until this thread gets a little
longer

" Nusalor, it depends on where they're from. If they're from here, then,
yes, they mean in real time.

I turn them down, of course, but I did at one point try to negotiate
with a yardwork tradeoff. For some reason, they quickly become
disinterested :


Hey SHeila luv, do you still need domestic work done? I am free most
week days, although the weekends are kinda tight to schedule around. I
am also very open to payment options if you cant or dont want to pay all
up front at onetime. I will gladly take several smaller payments over
time

was her name SNG???LOL

I miss her sometimes....

i never get IM's like that... i get long life stories sent to me via
email, telling me that i am gorgeous, they are in love with me, they
want to move me with them.... all of this before they have ever spoken
to me.... C'MON now... dont be ridiculous...

But Tameka doll, I knew from first sight that you were the only one for
me. It doesnt take a genius to know that someone as good looking as
yourself is the only one compatable enough to move in with me and
fullfill my every fantasy......

uh, maybe I better stop now lol

Ya know I luv ya babe

cute daniel... but i wasnt going to tell everyone that it was you i was
talking about... LOL

Sorry, hun i wont ever message you again

Oh, I get all of those, too, Tameka...

And here's one of my favorite Nigerian ones from a couple years ago that
I got such a kick out of I saved it:

ME: (8:44:01 AM): Name withheld? ummm, are you female?
ME: (8:44:39 AM): i've never heard of a man named (_____)
ME: (8:45:00 AM): not to mention, either way, I'm hardly your "beloved."
LOL...i don't even have a clue who you are


HER: (8:45:30 AM): lol
HER: (8:45:33 AM): I am mrs XXXX XXXX “Something like Smith)
HER: (8:45:37 AM): 55yrs old

ME: (8:45:38 AM): well, i see your pic now...
ME: (8:45:49 AM): ok...so did you IM me by accident?

HER: (8:46:05 AM): i am presently in the hsopital suffering from breast
cancer and the doctor says i have a short time to live...


ME: (8:46:21 AM): well, i'm sorry to hear that...my sister had a double
mastectomy not long ago

HER: (8:46:32 AM): but i would want to do something that God would
appreciate before i die...

ME: (8:46:41 AM): that's admirable

HER: (8:47:07 AM): I and my late husband didn't have any child before he
died...
HER: (8:47:26 AM): and he deposited some fund in a security company in
germany....
HER: (8:47:51 AM): I would want to distribute this fund to the
needy,less priviledege and churches

ME: (8:47:59 AM): wonderful

HER: (8:48:06 AM): including those affected by the Hurricane in
FOLLICULAR LYMPHOMA

ME: (8:48:23 AM): sounds great

HER: (8:48:34 AM): Beloved what is your name?

ME: (8:48:38 AM): i'm on the phone...keep talking...jean


HER: (8:48:47 AM): Ok...
HER: (8:49:54 AM): beloved i would want you to know that i selecting you
is divine and it is from God.....
HER: (8:50:35 AM): I found your ID after praying to God to help me in
search of the right person that would carryout this divine assignment
and i was lead by the holy spirit to choose you
HER: (8:50:40 AM): and i know you would be blessed
HER: (8:50:43 AM): are you there?

ME: (8:51:04 AM): yes...hold on phone..keep explaining to me..this
sounds great!

HER: (8:51:38 AM): I would want to know if you are a christian?

ME: (8:51:44 AM): since i was five

HER: (8:51:44 AM): have you given your life to christ?

ME: (8:51:50 AM): for 42 years

HER: (8:51:58 AM): Ooh that is great....

HER: (8:52:12 AM): since i gave my life to christ i have been hearing
from him
HER: (8:52:28 AM): and since then i have known peace, happiness and joy
HER: (8:52:44 AM): beloved now i know that wealth is vanity upon vanity
HER: (8:52:50 AM): are you married?

ME: (8:52:57 AM): no

HER: (8:53:05 AM): any kids?

ME: (8:53:14 AM): a daughter, who's almost 30

HER: (8:53:46 AM): that nice

HER: (8:54:14 AM): Beloved my health is getting worst day by day
HER: (8:54:29 AM): And i don;t want this fund to go to the german
govt...
HER: (8:54:47 AM): I would want this fund to be distributed to the
needy...

ME: (8:55:38 AM): great...then why don't you distribute it to the needy?

HER: (8:55:39 AM): Without any further delay i would want you to contact
my family attorney who is based in the u.k, who is going to legalise
this transfer hereby making you the beneficiary to this fund
HER: (8:56:13 AM): Beloved i would want you to know that i am a dying
patient
HER: (8:56:32 AM): waiting for my heavenly father to come and take me
home
HER: (8:56:48 AM): i am doing his will not my will...
HER: (8:57:49 AM): beloved are you there?


ME: (8:58:00 AM): sorry, trying to hold phone conversation and talk to
you at the same time

HER: (8:58:10 AM): ok...

ME: (8:59:47 AM): so tell me what God has planned for me to do with
regard to your proposal?
HER: (9:00:48 AM): Beloved he wants to use you to save a soul....
HER: (9:00:53 AM): He knows best

ME: (9:01:19 AM): wow that's awesome! He told you this? :-D

HER: (9:01:33 AM): He spoke to me...
HER: (9:01:55 AM): since i gave my life to him, i have been hearing from
him....

ME: (9:02:13 AM): well, what do you need from me? What can I do to
help?

HER: (9:04:09 AM): I would have wanted 90% for the Needy, but i am
willing to offer you 20% and 80% for the needy...
HER: (9:04:22 AM): I would want you to contact my family attorney who is
based in the U.k
HER: (9:04:43 AM): who is going to legalise this transfer making you the
beneficiary to this fund

ME: (9:05:02 AM): what's the phone number?
HER: (9:05:20 AM): here is his contact informations
HER: (9:05:28 AM): NAME withheld
HER: (9:05:41 AM): E-mail withheld
HER: (9:05:54 AM): TEL: withheld
HER: (9:07:18 AM): Beloved i know this documentation would involve fund,
but that is no problem i would be responsible for any payment that comes
up...
HER: (9:07:39 AM): But i would not want the attorney to know that i am
the one responsible for it

ME: (9:07:44 AM): Okay, this is great! But before I do this, I'm going
to forward this information right away to my attorney here in the United
States to make sure all of this is legal and everything is done in the
proper manner.
ME: (9:08:19 AM): brb, okay?

HER: (9:08:33 AM): cos if he does he would discourage me from entrusting
this fund to you by saying you are not capable of handling this fund
HER: (9:08:53 AM): beloved i would to deal with you personally in this
transaction
HER: (9:09:10 AM): This is my fund and i will say the way it goes..

ME: (9:11:33 AM): well, no, I'd have to have my attorney advise me on
this situation
ME: (9:11:56 AM): i emailed him all the information and he's going to
call me back
ME: (9:12:37 AM): you still here?

HER: (9:14:16 AM): Beloved you are not paying any fee
HER: (9:14:21 AM): i am responsible for it...
HER: (9:14:43 AM): So there is nothing to be scared of

ME: (9:15:36 AM): No, I'm not worried about paying a fee; just wanting
to make sure the transaction is legal and everything. No big deal; just
getting some legal advice. I've already sent the content of this
conversation to my attorney and he's supposed to be calling me back
shortly. I'm sure your attorney there in England would have no problem
with this.

HER: (9:16:50 AM): My family attorney is here to legalise this transfer

ME: (9:17:06 AM): great..i'll have my attorney contact him or her

HER: (9:17:16 AM): I don't want this transaction disclosed to anyone...
HER: (9:17:24 AM): And that is final

ME: (9:17:36 AM): wow that sounds somewhat threatening

HER: (9:17:37 AM): it is my fund and i am to say what happens here...
HER: (9:18:12 AM): No...i am not but this is my last wish
HER: (9:18:31 AM): and i have a short time to live
HER: (9:19:53 AM): So Jean you are to contact my family attoney alone
HER: (9:19:59 AM): is that clear?

ME: (9:21:02 AM): ok, i won't contact my attorney, but I will contact my
brother, who is an FBI agent, and see what he has to say about this.

HER: (9:21:30 AM): ok........
HER: (9:22:11 AM): Beloved are you doubting me..?

ME: (9:22:31 AM): No, I just want to make sure I'm not violating any
American laws.

HER: (9:22:44 AM): Beloved you are not

ME: (9:22:51 AM): You know, the Patriot Act and all, and International
Banking is really crazy now, because of it...

ME: (9:23:04 AM): Well, with all due respect, you're not an attorney, so
I'd have to make sure

HER: (9:23:07 AM): That is why i want this transfer legalised by my
attorney

HER: (9:23:53 AM): Beloved i don;t want you to disclose this transaction
to anyone until the fund is transfered into your account....
HER: (9:24:03 AM): Including your brother
HER: (9:24:12 AM): you are not spending a dime
HER: (9:24:31 AM): then why do you want inform the whole world...

ME: (9:25:22 AM): I don't think God would have a problem with me
contacting my attorney...also, if the money's in Germany, why wouldn't I
be contacting a German attorney?

HER: (9:25:28 AM): Beloved i am just doing all this just because of my
late husband and God...
HER: (9:26:25 AM): after the documentation is done i would send the
contact info of the security company including the transaction code that
was given to my late husband

ME: (9:27:06 AM): ok, and you're just going to entrust a complete
stranger to help you with this transaction? why not just distribute the
funds to some charity here or abroad?

HER: (9:28:05 AM): Beloved i am a servant of the most high God and i am
doing what he asked me to do...
HER: (9:28:11 AM): He knows best..

ME: (9:28:20 AM): he asked you to contact me personally?

HER: (9:28:37 AM): I was lead by the holy spirit.....

ME: (9:29:14 AM): I mean, did he say, "Thou shalt go to Yahoo personals
and seek out the member by the name of ME: to help you with this
endeavor?"

HER: (9:29:35 AM): He said in his word that he would send the holy
spirit to direct us...
HER: (9:29:51 AM): Are you a Believer?

ME: (9:29:52 AM): and he directed you to me? Out of millions of people?
Wow.
ME: (9:29:54 AM): oh yes
ME: (9:30:28 AM): are you?

HER: (9:30:41 AM): Beloved i am...
HER: (9:31:05 AM): My belief would not allow me to hurt my fellow sister
in the Lord..
ME: (9:31:35 AM): Tell you what I'll do...if you truly believe in the
Lord, then I want you to do something for me...

ME: (9:32:34 AM): I want you to promsie me that if any of this is going
to get me in trouble, or hurt me financially in any way, that you will
be willing to forfeit your own life...that you will kill yourself if I
get hurt by this.

HER: (9:33:57 AM): Beloved I am a child of God...
HER: (9:34:33 AM): Like i said earlier on i CANNOT hurt my fellow
believer..

ME: (9:34:47 AM): but will you make that promise to me?

HER: (9:34:47 AM): my belief and trust in God would not allow me...
HER: (9:34:58 AM): I am making it to you and God...

ME: (9:35:10 AM): that you will kill yourself if I am hurt by this

HER: (9:35:24 AM): Yes,you cannot get hurt
HER: (9:35:29 AM): take me for my word
ME: (9:35:41 AM): no, I want you to promise me that you will take your
own life if I get hurt by this
HER: (9:35:58 AM): I promise

ME: (9:36:00 AM): I mean, there's a lot at stake here, ya know.
ME: (9:36:06 AM): you do?

HER: (9:36:18 AM): Beloved there is no problem...
HER: (9:36:35 AM): I am giving you the 100% assurance

ME: (9:36:40 AM): well, okay..then I'll have my attorney contact your
attorney and we'll go from there

HER: (9:36:51 AM): that this transaction is risk free...
HER: (9:37:27 AM): Beloved i don't want you to disclose this transaction
to anyone until this fund is transfered into your acct\

ME: (9:37:40 AM): well, of course you'll have to transfer funds to an
account set up by my attorney; i, of course, will not disclose my
personal information to anyone.

HER: (9:37:45 AM): i would want to witness what you will use this fund
for, before i die

ME: (9:38:01 AM): oh, that's no problem, my attorney can provide you
with that information
ME: (9:38:25 AM): and ensure that the money is going to good use and you
can die in peace

HER: (9:39:10 AM): Beloved i am getting weak....
HER: (9:39:38 AM): My attorney is here to get this transaction legalised

ME: (9:39:45 AM): Well, he's supposed to be calling me back any minute
now. Do you think you can hold on until then?

HER: (9:39:49 AM): Don't disclose this to anyone
HER: (9:39:59 AM): is that clear....?
HER: (9:40:18 AM): I don't know

ME: (9:40:21 AM): Too late. I already have. I told you he's calling me
back.
ME: (9:40:34 AM): Don't die on me!

HER: (9:40:52 AM): the doctor has warned me not to sit long.........

ME: (9:41:01 AM): oh then by all means stand up
ME: (9:41:06 AM): or lay down
ME: (9:41:26 AM): I have to go feed my dogs..ok if I get back to you
later?
ME: (9:42:12 AM): by that time I should have some information back from
my attorney

HER: (9:42:25 AM): contact my attorney..
HER: (9:42:30 AM): asap

ME: (9:42:40 AM): i'll have my attorney contact your attorney ...asap
ME: (9:42:50 AM): take care...gotta run for now! bye!

HER: (9:43:09 AM): Beloved you are not doing wht i ask you to do...
HER: (9:43:38 AM): I am having double mind entrusting this fund to you
HER: (9:43:56 AM): u there?

The End

oops...follicular lymphoma is supposed to be "florida.." yikes..that's
one of my auto text entries. lol

jean, when do you find the time to write so much,,?
I couldn't do it!! get fingers stift

I don't write/type that much...mostly what i do these days is
editing..ever since I got hurt by the SOB who stole my car back in 2000.
(He damn near ripped my fingers off getting my car keys) among other
significant injuries.

As a freelancer, though, I do my work whenever I want..today was a slow
day and it was pouring rain outside. So some days I have more time than
others.

That exchange above I had saved a couple years ago and I just copied and
pasted it here.

I used to type about 10 hours a day, nonstop, with no problem. Now,
nowhere near that much. It hurts my hand too much.

hate typing, Im so glad my job is just listening lmao!!

I used to love it...I don't like it since I got hurt, though. That's why
I do mostly editing now.

I can still type a single line of type at about 180 wpm though.

I've had a lot of practice over the years in various jobs in which I
typed a lot....newspaper editor and legal assistant, primarily.

I have never used the name Bob!

Also, the last IM I got, she said she was an emotionally stunted, drug
addicted, husband battering control freak.

Shame really ... she looked so nice in that policewoman's uniform!

LOL @ Duncan..

Okay, here's one I just got....

Him: Want to see me get naughty on my webcam?

Me: Oooh, probably more than anything else in this life.

Him: (Rolling eyes emoticon).

Me: I mean, doesn't everyone?

The End

HEY JEAN CAN I SEE YUR HIGH HEELS ON CAM. LOL

lmao @ seahawk...

LOL HEY TAMEKA HOW RYA XXOO

i am great... how are you sweetie?