Wow, some really good answers here.

Okay. Fair enough. But what about the next man you date? You say that you will trust him 100%, but in the back of your mind you will always fear that he could cheat on you like your last man did. That could make you "say" you trust him, but then you drive yourself crazy over the "what if".

Would you want your privacy violated?

Let me add that I am not saying that if I did suspect something that I would do this, cause in all honesty, I wouldn't. I just feel that privacy is just that...PRIVACY. Plus, you can read the signs if someone is cheating on you.

The open season idea would be tempting intially. But someone disrespecting me is on them and doesn't make me want to do something deceitful just because they have. At that point I feel the harshest thing I can do is leave and not a second look back. They have cease to have value in my eyes so why do I waste my energy to care if they suffer? I want to be able to look in the mirror and say they have no hold on me ever again. That I not only left them in the dust but I moved forward serene and in control of myself. Some things and some people just don't deserve your anger.

Trust is earned. I will continue trusting you as long as you continue to earn it. I would expect the same treatment. As soon as I would give him a reason to think I'm cheating, he has a right to find out too. Until then, he should trust me.

If you're being deceitful and cheating around... then you should lose your right to privacy. Why does the cheater get to keep his / her right to privacy and at the same time... be a deceitful, lying, no good cheater?

Of course.

Seriously, I am playing Devil's Advocate here. But, I do respect privacy, not cause I have something to hide, but because I trust who I am with 100%. But, if you have suspicions, then yeah it does go out the window. I still wouldn't feel good about doing it if I decided to. But that is just me.

Interesting point but I was thinking more about the broken trust. If I have so little trust that I have to prove a betrayal then the relationship has pretty much died and no sense sticking around for that.

I disagree. If she suspects me, I would prefer she just leave anyway. If she thinks that I would then she doesn't know me well enough to stick with the relationship anyway.

I'm not saying I would feel good about it. I would use it only as a last resort. AFTER I talked to him about it, asked him what's going on. Pointed out my suspiscions... and if that didn't solve it, then I would do more digging. However, if I did snoop... and I found no evidence of him cheating on me. I would confess to him that I did it and take the consequences. ALL actions have a reaction.

How would you feel if they had done it to you?

Uh.. might read their email, but would never pose as them =/

If I was actually cheating on him and he snooped around to find out... I'm still the one in the wrong. It would be me taking my right away to be trusted as soon as I cheated on him.

yeah seriously.
a girlfriend of mine suspected her bf of cheating so she asked him for his password to prove he wasn't...turns out he used the same password for all of his accounts so when she found pick of some girl wearing HER undies (eew) she sent a mass email to everyone on his yahoo list about what a cheater he was and how stupid he was for giving her his password. It's mean and perhaps unnecessary but damn funny that his mom got that email.

I have nothing to hide... if he went thru my stuff I would only be pissed because he didn't ask.

No I think I would be out the door on that alone. I would know that just doesn't wash with someone who says they love me to accept a gift card and not show it to me immediately and explain the circumstances. Trust is built on acts of faith not betrayal or lying by ommission. First off my partner would have not been broke and if he was he would have not expected me to buy his family gifts. And if it was a legitimate gift it would have been shown to me out of respect of not being selfish or regifting it to another especially me. He might share the gift but out of respect for me he would earn what ever gift he gave me himself. If I feel someone is lying to me I rarely see a need to prove it. For one thing it is too easy to manipulate things to make them appear truthful when your instinct very rarely misleads you. That is something that comes with experience and I am very sorry that you had such a painful one. You seem like a very loving and honest person and it probably didn't make sense to you because I don't think in normal circumstances you operate that way. My guess is you were hoping to be proved wrong but knew in your gut the real deal.

ok im done in this thread, no because of anything anyone said, just personal stuff...


i guess im just resentful for what happened in the past...



have a good night everyone :)

all deserve and receive complete trust from me. my first clue was when he exited out of whatever page he was on whenever i walked into the room. if you have nothing to hide this should not be an issue. the minute you tell your first lie you lose all rights to privacy.

I have had subsequent relationships after a cheater and I can't honestly say wheather I really had doubts in the back of my mind because of him or just the frequency that I see cheating in the general population. I agree that if you are alert you can often see signs but the truely accomplished cheats are pretty good at covering their tracks. That I have always had the "as one" concept in relationships and know what and where my spouse is most of the time to include our finances it is a little harder to get by with baloney. We both had a great respect for instilling confidence in each other and kept very little to ourselves that was meaningful. Yes we had our seperate interests and friends and played many a practical joke and surprizes on the other but we did not see a need to ever lie to do it. We also saw a need to appear not to be doing something wrong either and there were things that we just did not do out of respect. My husband was deployed many long periods for instance and I never had a man in my home when there wasn't other people to prevent a compromiseing situation. Some where very dear friends who were totally trustworthy but it was just a courtesy that my husband knew he could count on when some people tried to razz him about what some waiting wives do. He would not go in a bar with out me knowing or frequently joining him. And while he was a devoted volunteer to the community at large he always made sure it was not a situation that could be construed as compromising. Part of that was because he was a senior officer and would not risk his career but it also was leadership by example of showing the junior enlisted people that with trust goes responsibility.

No. I wouldn't. Had a girlfreind use the net to cheat on me. But I did not use it to be a vengeful jerk. I work hard to hold privacy and security. I'm not giving out passwords, bank routing numbers, account numbers, SSI number, or any information. I shred everything.

Mistrust, builds mistrust, builds mistrust leading to mistrust and destruction of a relationship. If you don't trust them, how can you love them? Mistrust is the truest form of Hypocrisy (using another topic)

You cant say you love someone and still mistrust them.

That being said, don't ignore the Lier signals.