Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept. 22)--

This is the MOST confused sign on the planet. This sign is pretty
realistic: No Frills. They love to fuck in showers not because it's
kinky...but because of hygenic reasons...they are big into sanitary
issues. Every Virgo I have ever met has issues...always going back to
hygiene. They have to arrange time in their busy scheduals to have
sex...But when a reservation is made...You had better be there on time,
if not a little early. With flowers. And Clean.
Virgos want to make their partner happy. That's it. USUALLY. You will
always get a freaky Virgo. Even so, they will TRY to get YOU to cum. And
if they can't make you cum, they will buy someone or something that
will.
Yes you read that right.
They LIVE to masturbate...whether its you rubbing them, them rubbing
you...them rubbing against your fox fur coat...whatever! Some Virgos
WANT to be punished. They will do naughty things to be caught so they
can be punished. They are perfect for Aries who want to punish SOMEBODY.
Anybody! Pretend rape scenes also turn on Virgos. As long as they know
they are secretly safe. If you have ever seen the Carnival Rape scene in
'Henry & June' this is a Virgo wet dream. Also all Virgos like to see
Camel Toes...what's up with that? Sherlock Holmes was probably a
Virgo...or a repressed Gemini.



Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

--Don't tease them. It will only piss them off. Taureans are realists.
If you say that you are horny: Prepare to be fucked. Taureans are heavy
indulgers, though. All forms of indulgence:
Sex-drugs-wine-food...whatever their vice may be: they simply cannot get
enough. They do not believe in moderation. They will fuck until they are
sore. Taurus likes to have sex just for the sake of having sex. What
they lack in originality, they make up for in stamina and endurance.
Okay...so they may not be into bondage, okay? But they WILL lick you
until you have at least three orgasms or until you pass out...whichever
comes first. Taurus uses their tongue for EVERYthing...and I mean that.
They love to lick people in whipped cream, alcohol, chocolate, flesh and
candy???Bring it on! Caution: They are looking for a relationship so be
kind to them.
They also have a BIG wet thing for scent. Sometimes they don't want a
lover to bathe before sex. Or you may find them shaggin in a garden or a
greenhouse...to smell the dirt: After all, they are Earth signs.



aries (March 21- June-5)

LIVES for head massages. ANY part of their head: Lips, Eyelids, Eyes,
Tongue, you name it! Aries also likes to fuck in public places during
business hours. You need to be open minded with an Aries...If you don't
feel like being duct taped to a wall and beaten with live ferrets: Tell
Them. Be warned! IF you don't want to be kinky, don't be with an Aries.
If you say 'No' too often to them you may lose them as a lover forever.
Aries Idea of Heaven Is: Participating in live sex shows for money.
Having their favorite human toy win first place in a pony boy/girl race.
Fucking as an art form on display in a gallery. They secretly crave to
be strippers or Annie Sprinkle. Aries LIVES to be jealous...they also
like to coordinate other people fucking. Secretly desire to be fluffers.
Aries owned a Violet Wand before it was popular. They are also Sadists.
The best gift to give an Aries is designer colored nylon rope in their
favorite color. They live to tease and torture...HEY...Somebody's gotta
do it, right? They like hair pulling. Beware of their 'toy' collections.
Don't tease them...they will rape you. They love pony boys and girls...I
cannot emphasize this enough! They like it doggie style especially if
they are steering. Give an Aries 100 feet of rope and a 250 dollar
flogger, they will follow. As long as they get to be the one holding the
handle.



Gemini (May 21 - June 21) --

Ever heard the saying "Been there. Done that?" chances are it came from
a Gemini. They are always changing...they are the eternal Chameleon. You
never who you are fucking that day.
They have had sex.
A lot of sex.
Probably because they are in a constant state of flux...always looking
for the new high.
The biggest turn on for a Gemini is: LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION.
Here is just a smattering of places that I know Geminis have fucked: In
the elevator of the moseleum of Forest Lawn Cemetary DURING A FUNERAL.
Wine cellars in nightclubs. Vip Areas of Theatres. Public Parks. The
18th Hole of a private golf course. In the center of a race track just
as the flag was going up. On various Gym equipment at numerous health
spas. A football stadium during the SuperBowl. A Balcony railing at
Mardis Gras in the French Quarter...just to name a few.
If it's shiny...they will want it. They are big on DRAMA so be prepared
for them to set the mood for sex no matter WHERE you might end up. They
WILL take the initiative. They live off their charm. If they are male
and gay they will still be the greatest fuck your female friend has ever
had. Go figure. They are also Voyeurs but always willing to lend a hand
... or any other part of anatomy. If they are depressed, suck on their
fingers, that always seems to cheer them up. Their goal is to fuck in
the front row of the OSCARS when the cameras pans on them so that they
can wave.


Cancer (June 22 - July 22) -- 69

This is the sign that needs to be cuddled. They may believe that they
were born in the wrong period or century. They DWELL in the
past...Victorian...Roman...Medieval...You name it.
They usually will only fuck at night...come to think of it...they fuck
better at night anyway. Maybe its because they are ruled by the Moon.
This is a sign that is looking for TRUE love...I mean REAL TRUE DEEP
LOVE...that 'Romancing The Stone' Frikkin 'Wuthering Heights' kind of
love. They probably cry at the end of any Jane Austen flick. They want
to be swept off of their feet. They really do deserve it, too. They are
constantly dumped on by previous past fucktard ex lovers that think they
own them. Sometimes Cancers pick the wrong guy/girl and get beat up or
emotionally hurt. Why? They think its what they deserve. Which is
bullshit. They are wonderful people. They love water sports
(jacuzzis/pools/showers/saunas/bathouses...) They want to be comfortable
while fucking...oh sure the foreplay may have had you bent over a
barstool...but when you get home they want comfy couches, beds, fluffy
pillows, anything soft and fuzzy that is not a pet. Cancerians also have
a horrible tendency to misplace their clothing. Highly Exhibitionistic.
They live for Oral...as long as it tastes good. Karma Sutra honey dust
is a good start...mints...ice cream..anything with sugar...fruit...Don't
rush them they smolder. But when you get started, be ready for a long
night. They like to play with ice cubes, too. Also nipples are a BIG
thing for Crabs...they all secretly wish to get their nipples pierced.
Can be submissive highly. Masturbation is where they get their bonus
points at. Be warned: They like 'em YOUNG...so you better be ready to
dress up like an Animation school boy/girl with a whip to keep 'em.
haha... it's all true !! lol

Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 23)--

Let the games begin! Libra will try anything once. Twice to make sure
they liked it. Three times to be absolutely sure. Do not touch a Libra's
head during oral sex...that may work with an Aries, but not here. Libras
LOVE giving oral - They LOVE getting it , too. But don't feel like they
get enough...too bad, because they sure as hell are getting enough of
everything else. They will buy toys to make YOU use it on THEM. Libras
are mental creatures that believe in living and fulfilling fantasies
that they haven't done in real life...which is rare because they have
done almost EVERYTHING. They have no problem sploshing. To them, sitting
in a pie COULD be fun. Porn? Bring it on! Sex, video AND food? ALRIGHT!
They are heavily exhibitionistic by accident. They are accident prone,
they lose bras, underware, condoms....they also accidentally end up in
bed with people. Amazing how THAT works! They like to cross dress. Both
sexes do this quite well, actually. Male Librans are mistaken for women
all the time, and Female Libras are mistaken for men every now and again
too...its because they are under the goddess Aphrodite. They are never
just ONE sex. They can always feel what the opposite sex feels. Which is
why they are rarely clingy, except in rare circumstances when they have
been led on, then watch the manipulative side of the scales swing. They
love to role play and play dress up. They like to dress like hookers or
Queen Elizabeth (This is the men, too!) Who are they really? It depends
on what day of the week it is. They believe that life is too short to
date ugly people in more ways than one. So if you are being shagged by a
Libra, there is a good reason. Whether you are attractive physically,
emotionally, mentally or have a fantastic sense of humor, there is
always a reason for a Libra to be fucking you. But they HATE vulgarity.
They despise feeling like they are on a waiting list to get your
attention...worse yet, feeling like they are your groupie. That won't
last long, then. They have already figured out HOW to destroy you...now
they are biding their time to see how long until they throw YOU
away...with nothing. But, if you get past all that, expect long
luxurious nights talking and playing Strip Tarot or Naked Chess. They
are the Graceful Slut...but not slutty and yet accident prone. If you
are going to fuck a Libra: Get mirrors. Lots of them. They have more
vanity issues than a Gemini. Nothing is TOO kinky for them. They are the
eternal Courtesan or Concubine. They are sex therapists, porn writers
who knows?

LEO (July 23 - Aug. 22)--

If you fuck up just once with a Leo...That's IT. Don't be expecting them
to take you back. They are not willing victims, after all, they CHOSE
you...you screwed up? They can UN-Choose you just the same. They live
for Menage a Trois...or Qua...or Cinco....anything in a group is okay as
long as they are in the middle. Leos also like bubble baths. Once you
start with a Leo...do not think you can just turn their emotions on or
off like a switch...they demand satisfaction. NOW. All the stress in the
world ends up in the Leo neck...They need neckrubs...they feel like they
have the entire weight of the world on their head. If its kinky, a Leo
has probably done it..You know Madonna's a LEO, right? She masters the
Madonna/Whore/Goddess thing pretty well, huh? I wonder why? Could it be
cause shes a fuckin' LEO? yep. Valmont was probably a Leo. They probably
have the movie at home. Get out your furry gloves and faux mink whips
for this kitten. they love soft floggers and there is a specific spot on
their back right above their tailbone that is heaven to them where if
touched right will actually make them purr...you think I'm bullshitting
you? Try it, I dare ya. Leo likes doing doggystyle that's a given. As
long as it feels good, but leos also like missionary if they are in love
with there lover that is the most intimate position as you two look in
each other eyes. Their underware is always..er..interesting to say the
least, if they are wearing any. They LIVE for boudoir photography. They
LOVE to be photographed. If they can afford a nude or semi nude photo of
them..do it now. Leos are born and bred to be porn stars...even if they
act prude about it..they have thought about it. The best sex partner is
a Scorpio leos love them... Rubies jewels usually are their love. Love
to have their hair brushed and played with. You had better be vocal in
bed with them...they want to hear how well they are doing. If a Leo has
chosen YOU as a mate. Just accept it and enjoy the ride. Be prepared for
anything. They have no problem tying you down. They ARE the naughty
school teacher, the pirate captain, the gypsy king and Cleopatra all
rolled into one.

SCORPIO (Oct. 24 - Nov. 21) --

HOLEE SHIT! here comes the masters and mistresses of FUCKing
Sorry Leo, but Scorps ARE the leaders in the Kink O Rama factor (Leos
are in second place, so don't worry that much leos)
Scorpios KNOW how to seduce.
They KNOW what is kinky.
They are highly manipulative.
They KNOW how to get you to do what THEY want.
They KNOW how to fuck.
And they are making room for modifications.
All they have to do is walk into a room and look at you, and you WILL be
on your back assuming the position.
Anne Rice (During her 'Beauty' phase) wants to be a Scorpio. Leos and
Scorpios make for a fabulous tryst.they are the BEST in bed
together..but if the emotions are not there then that's a different
story. Don't dare TRY to make a Scorpio jealous...they will duct tape
you to a chair and make you watch them fuck your boss..or your
sister/brother..or Mother...hell, that's their idea of a typical normal
Thursday night. They love to use gag balls. They always have carpet
burns on their knees and back...this is from their constant rutting like
a wild weasel in heat. They are also very cunning and secretive. They
have a fetish for riding crops and bridles. Most Scorpios have mastered
the Binaca Blowjob for heightened and elongated pleasure. I hope you can
go the distance and can make them come...otherwise gods help ya.
Favorite Song: Master and Servant.
Most female Scorpios have a horrible tendency of being Alcohol
Lesbians...get them drunk enough they will kiss a girl...or two....or
three...or five....
but beware their sting!

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21) --

Right out the chute I am going to tell you...THEY LOVE TO BE SHAVED.
True love is being shaved.
Sagittarius love is being shaved by someone they love.
And they LOVE to travel.
They are constantly moving.
They are always packing and going somewhere. They are the outdoorsy
type. Why fuck in a tent when you can be surrounded by Sequoias under a
moonlit night and have sex? Sags will Fuck Everywhere! Most Sags flash
body parts and are closet nudists. They will be the first to register
for nude volleyball at the nudist resort. Don't get me wrong, they have
a TON of provocative clothing at home, but they like to be naked.
EVERYWHERE.
They don't know why its against the law to drive naked in a convertable
especially. It just doesn't seem right. Downright Anti-American to them.
They are also bleeding heart causefighters. They believe that sex is a
biological function amongst friends...why fight it when you can fuck it?
A perfect night for them is to :
Talk. Fuck. Talk. Fuck. Go out and look at sea otters..Pick some
flowers...Talk. Fuck. Laugh. Have a drink. Talk. Fuck. Dinner. Fuck.
Sleep. Fuck and Fuck some more!
Male Sags have more fetishes than a female Sag. Foot
fetishes...Lingerie...Female Sags are nature lovers: Do it in the
bushes, Sex on the beach, in the ocean, hell behind the local
laundrymat! Kinky? they Love Kinky. Wear that pirate getup for these
girls, they'll be on their knees in a heartbeat. They'll dress kinky and
skip the panties under a short skirt if you're going out on the town,
just to get you going, and I do mean going~ these girls want it all
night long! Whipped cream, body oils and bondage,Licking and sucking,
whatever it takes to keep the party going! . They believe in doing it
and doing it often! fucking before the movie starts..., fucking at the
theatre during the previews and maybe a quick blowjob on the way home.

Sag females love sexing up your whole body! Give them a chance, there
won't be a body part they haven't sucked licked or fucked!You can touch
them anywhere and they got hott cause they're freaky like that! They
love leg rubs and jacuzzis, this is because their thighs are a hot
spot...They'll be the ones holding you up fucking in the closet at your
friends housewarming party at two in the morning. They are built for lot
and lots of sex in any way shape or form, kinky or slow teasing, fast
and hard or slow and easy~ if you want to get your freak on,
Sagittarians are the way to go! None of the other signs love Sex as Much
as a Sag!


Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19) --

Just as I was writing this one, my Capricorn friend proceeds to call
me...Capricorns are psychic by accident. They have no idea the fates
smile on them from time to time...they just accept it an move on. You
can turn on a Cappie just by breathing on them. They are strong and
responsible and have dignity. But they are too easy to turn on
sometimes. And watch out when they are horny...whoever is in the room
better have protection. They are natural screamers and leave bite marks.
they like sex a lot as a favorite past time. Usually durinig commercial
breaks is perfect. Its nothing for a Cappie to fuck seven or eight times
during commercial breaks in an hour long T.V. Show. They like to do it
in the shower...on the furniture...on other peoples furniture...on other
peoples beds...Cars...Tents...boats....yep, if they are in the mood...it
could be at the Presiden't inaugeration...get ready for some nookie!
They love to bite.
They might seem at first sight of them rather cold and insensitive.
But when they warm up?
There is no stopping them.
They like to have the back of their knees licked.
They live for tongue massages.
They think porno is just SILLY...who thought THAT up? But they will
watch it to see if they are missing anything.
Give them dim lighting, a roaring fireplace and a nice bottle of
wine...you might as well reconcile yourself to the fact that you better
leave the phones off for the entire weekend and order food in.
They like to play games...as long as they are in charge.
This is a misunderstood sign...they can be very kinky. As long as it is
with people they love.


Aquarius (Jan. 20- Feb. 18) --

MY favorite sluts are Aquarius. Why? Because if you don't expect
anything in return, you won't be disappointed. Sounds easy, huh? They
will get under your skin though, so beware. It's easy to be hurt by an
Aquarius because they don't want you to know what they are thinking. If
they are silent but you are in the room with them...chances are they are
in heavy thought. But don't worry, chances are they are thinking about
you...and fifteen other things. Water bearers look at sex like it is a
form of recess. They can turn you on by simply walking in the room. They
are the Rain Man of the Zodiac. They give too much of themselves to
others that don't give a shit...then get shy to those that care about
them.
Go figure.
They like kinky. They are easy going. To them, it's a learning
experience. Male Aquarians like to tease and live life in a fantasy
world. Female Aquarians can't masturbate enough...Males never get the
chance to masturbate because everybody wants a piece of them. They like
their ankles nibbled. They love back massages. Their ultimate adventure
is the "But we might get caught" game.
They will fuck wherever they run the risk of being seen or found by
another lover. Don't expect faithfulness from these creatures...it's
just not in their DNA. They are open minded to the point that anything
shiny will derail their train of thought. Fucking while standing or
leaning is a plus here. Fuck with their mind and they will follow you
anywhere. They enjoy being fucked in groups of three. Think being Jack
Nicholson in bed with the three Witches of Eastwick? This is a Aquarian
dream. They need you to make the first move. Not to be dominated. But to
bring them back to earth now and again for a little physical funtime.
They get lost in the clouds a lot. Don't derail from your personal
pleasure course, however, otherwise you will be just talking to them all
night. which can be stimulating just as well too. Beware! They are the
flirts and teases from HELL! Never take one on a trip to a Home Depot
when you are both horny. This can lead to nasty things.


Pisces (Feb. 19- Mar. 20) --

Get out the boots - Stilletto heels - foot creams and panty hose...here
come da fishies!
They are the LEADERS in foot fetish. Masturbation in shoes? Okay. Toe
masturbation...bring it on! They love using their feet.
Suck on a Pisceans toes and SEE what happens!
Fucking in the water and see them squirm.
Pisces have probably done it in a sex swing. Or at least considered how
strong the ceiling beams are on their house to put one in. Pisces men
break furniture when they fuck...things get flung everywhere.
Pisces can be turned on by the wierdest things...Trains...Water
fountains...Jump rope...Whatever. They are the sirens calling you to the
beach where you will end up on your back on a towel with water all over
you and not wanting it to stop.
I have heard it said that its the pisces that will cross the darker
kinky side at least once...just to say "YEP. did that. Not that great"
OR "What do you MEAN you never......" SAM from sex and the city should
be a Pisces. These babes are perfectionists. You will have a perfect
orgasm with them...so will they..in fact, they strive for perfection in
everything they do...it's all in th details for them. There will not be
ONE hair out of place with a Pisces. All of their fetish jewlery will
match a specific whip or dress or shoes.
EVERYTHING MUST MATCH! I have one Pisces friend that has nipple tassles
that match for every pair of underware and whip that she owns! NO SHIT!
You might think they are shy! HA! They are just planning something. I
had a Pisces Friend (Same Pisces friend with the matching tassles by the
way) who was at a nudist beach in Brazil (You will always find a Pisces
at a beach...its inbred in them) A middle aged man in his early 50's or
so came up to her and immediately saw her body and BABING! got a hard
on!
Not feeling shocked in any way, shape or form, she walked right up to
him and put her hand on his cock for a moment , then with her same hand
took her sunglasses off , looked him RIGHT in the eye and said "DAHLING,
your erection is SUPERB!" and she walked off never to see him again.
You never can tell what the hell a Pisces will do, but I guarantee that
it will be SUPERB!
SECRET: Pisces women fall for a man that can wear a high heel and
garter. And look good

i think you got that right atleast for me.....leo

yeah what she said:)

i kinda rejoiced when i came across a sentence which didnt have fuck,
oral sex, erection, masturbate and anal sex in it.

go figure.

Andrew Wee
www.WhoIsAndrewWee.com

i am so glad u started w virgos bec evrybit of it is true and if it was
uthat wrote that then i would really love 2 pick apart ur brain

gald yall like

These are awesome!

I am a Scorpio and I don't think I have ever felt so violated in my
entire life! LMAOOOOOOO

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Yeap thats me hahaha never gets enough

absolutely right on about the fishes march 20th love you lots
P S I have great feet

I am NOT telling which sign I am, but I'll admit that it's me to a
"T"!!!

Need to copy and paste that to my victims...

yup im a leo and this is so freakin true its scary

you are right on with those horoscopes

im a gemini need i say any more lol I beleive in pleaseing:) jerry