Best Divorce Letter Ever

Dear wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.
I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it..
These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you
quit your job today & that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had
cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of
your soaps.
You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything
that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me or
you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to
Virginia together!
Have a great life!



Dear Ex-Husband

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you
& I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from
what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining &
griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that
came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised
me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't
comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused
with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99
price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my
sister had just borrowed $50 fo m me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it
out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my
job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you
were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope
you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that
the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take
care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was
born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.

Oatmeal..........It does the body good!!!

I feel soooooooooooooo healthy now!!!

Dear diary............I need to......














MAKE

















UP
















MY MIND!!!

I need


















a day off!!


my kid is driving me bananas already

on what to wear today??

I need Valium

No.....scrubs are scrubs......

Ok you go to work for me and I will take your kid!!!

done deal!!!!
I'll hop in the teleporter mommentarily.....

If it could be sooooooooooo easy.......

I DONTTTTTTTTTTTTT WANNA GO TO WORK TONIGHT!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~~~~~~

<---goes into fetal position and grabs blankey.....starts to suck thumb!!

I would like to call in sick today...

sorry kids mom didnt come in today.....

Hey catch......how did your meet n greet go with Polson??? Tell the diary everything!!!

omg there is a comic on tv right now that is taking songs.......and using other artists styles of singing like rae charles etc........

I thought I was the only one who did that???

Dear diary, everyone bought me drinks last night. Don't remember much.

Sometimes its best NOT to remember

go go Power Ranger.......

mighty morphin power raAAAnger.....

Dear diary........you know you have a fabulous coat when your son wants it and tries it on.......the sleeves came to his armpits!!!

my eldest son and I have the same *Remington hunting jackets (we dont hunt , its the best in stalker gear)

aNOTHER day in Paradise