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| Topic: What can I do? | |
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If you cant trust your partner then there is nothing!!!  I love this woman She's always right Well 99.9% of the time  
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I have no advice to someone who likes being abused. Sorry. I hope it works out for you.
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Edited by
Dionaa
on
Sat 09/13/08 02:00 AM
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Bottom line..the only behavior we can control is our own.
You asked "what can I do"? Time to look at yourself and ask if the woman you've become, while with this man, is the woman you want to be. I've been around long enough to know that clinging and begging only makes it worse. Last time I cried and begged was in high school, when my b/f said he was going to date another girl. (Many, many moons ago! lol) Then one day, my inner strength kicked in and I told him "Fine..date her, we're through". Guess what? I was a sophomore and within days of dumping him, I had seniors hanging around to walk with me after classes. He saw that and suddenly decided he didn't want to date that girl. I never had that experience with him again. Like the Sting tune "If you love someone, set them free..." They will either come back and be the person you can trust and live happily with or they will keep on going. And NO loss to you, as that person never loved you, if they choose to keep on going. Men AND women want a strong partner, that they can't crap all over. Give an inch and a mile will be taken. You've already given a foot! You're pretty, young and as one of the other posters above me said, you will NOT believe the relief you feel once you move on. Sure, you'll hurt for awhile..but you will also gain strength and learn from the experience. It always comes down to what we will or won't except in a relationship. Boundaries must be set for a relationship to be healthy..and you've set none..and are suffering deeply because of it. Don't look at the glass half empty..you tried and he isn't who you thought he was. You are seeing "the good" you say..what you are seeing is "potential" and many, many times that potential never manifests. Over the years, I've made my share of bad choices..seeing that potential that didn't manifest. But I learned to move on..and each time my life was better for it. So, what you can do..is ask what will make YOU happy..not HIM. It's obvious he has no intention of changing...and nothing YOU do will change him. So, since you ARE able to change your own behavior...tell him "Sorry, this is not acceptable to me. Good luck!" And either you get out or kick him out...don't know what the living situation is. Life is too short, we are only promised today. Don't waste it on someone who has no respect for you and treats you badly. And don't assume all men have "crap". All PEOPLE have different behaviors that some deem okay and others won't tolerate. You have to get to know YOU and set your own boundaries..just what you will accept in a man and what you won't. And don't write off all men as the same, because of this self-centered man. Dig deep and you'll find that inner strength. And just get away from him! If he told me the stuff he told you..I'd be gone..plain and simple. Pretty obvious that you DON'T know him, or are choosing to overlook the ugliness and dwelling on the good part you enjoy. Or you DO know and think that somehow you can "fix it". Not happening! This man sees you as a fool, that he can treat shabbily. Not nice and not fair. Kick his sorry butt to the curb and you won't regret it. What are you losing? Nothing but a daily heartache..that's what you'll lose. If you can live with a cheating and lying man..then stay. If you can't, then leave. It's that basic. As YOU can do nothing to change him, hon. Can only change how you react to his bad behavior. And don't rebound with another man..give yourself time to heal and start feeling good about yourself. Date? Sure. Have fun..but give yourself time to grow into the strong woman you can, before you jump into another relationship. It will pay off in the long run. Good luck! |
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Bottom line..the only behavior we can control is our own. You asked "what can I do"? Time to look at yourself and ask if the woman you've become, while with this man, is the woman you want to be. I've been around long enough to know that clinging and begging only makes it worse. Last time I cried and begged was in high school, when my b/f said he was going to date another girl. (Many, many moons ago! lol) Then one day, my inner strength kicked in and I told him "Fine..date her, we're through". Guess what? I was a sophomore and within days of dumping him, I had seniors hanging around to walk with me after classes. He saw that and suddenly decided he didn't want to date that girl. I never had that experience with him again. Like the Sting tune "If you love someone, set them free..." They will either come back and be the person you can trust and live happily with or they will keep on going. And NO loss to you, as that person never loved you, if they choose to keep on going. Men AND women want a strong partner, that they can't crap all over. Give an inch and a mile will be taken. You've already given a foot! You're pretty, young and as one of the other posters above me said, you will NOT believe the relief you feel once you move on. Sure, you'll hurt for awhile..but you will also gain strength and learn from the experience. It always comes down to what we will or won't except in a relationship. Boundaries must be set for a relationship to be healthy..and you've set none..and are suffering deeply because of it. Don't look at the glass half empty..you tried and he isn't who you thought he was. You are seeing "the good" you say..what you are seeing is "potential" and many, many times that potential never manifests. Over the years, I've made my share of bad choices..seeing that potential that didn't manifest. But I learned to move on..and each time my life was better for it. So, what you can do..is ask what will make YOU happy..not HIM. It's obvious he has no intention of changing...and nothing YOU do will change him. So, since you ARE able to change your own behavior...tell him "Sorry, this is not acceptable to me. Good luck!" And either you get out or kick him out...don't know what the living situation is. Life is too short, we are only promised today. Don't waste it on someone who has no respect for you and treats you badly. And don't assume all men have "crap". All PEOPLE have different behaviors that some deem okay and others won't tolerate. You have to get to know YOU and set your own boundaries..just what you will accept in a man and what you won't. And don't write off all men as the same, because of this self-centered man. Dig deep and you'll find that inner strength. And just get away from him! If he told me the stuff he told you..I'd be gone..plain and simple. Pretty obvious that you DON'T know him, or are choosing to overlook the ugliness and dwelling on the good part you enjoy. Or you DO know and think that somehow you can "fix it". Not happening! This man sees you as a fool, that he can treat shabbily. Not nice and not fair. Kick his sorry butt to the curb and you won't regret it. What are you losing? Nothing but a daily heartache..that's what you'll lose. If you can live with a cheating and lying man..then stay. If you can't, then leave. It's that basic. As YOU can do nothing to change him, hon. Can only change how you react to his bad behavior. And don't rebound with another man..give yourself time to heal and start feeling good about yourself. Date? Sure. Have fun..but give yourself time to grow into the strong woman you can, before you jump into another relationship. It will pay off in the long run. Good luck! |
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best advice I heard all day!!!!
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masturbate like a canadian
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(((Unique)))...
First, let me tell you how sorry I am that anyone is living this. It's hell on earth. But listen to me, please, baby girl. I did this...what you are doing...for over 12 years. I tried to hold a relationship together when there was no real connection, no real love and no trust. In the end, what I lost was 'me'...the person I really am...the person he fell in love with in the 1st place. I devoted nearly half my life to a lost cause, so I lost all of that time, too. Here I am now, middle-aged...finally myself and living my own life, again...trying not to think of all that I might have done with my time and efforts. Don't give up a minute of your life to keep anyone in it...that's my advice. Live it, share it, but don't give it up! You are young...there are so many opportunities for you...ones disappear with age. Life is short...don't wait until you are my age to decide to live your own life! Don't give up who you are for anyone. Don't give up your life to stand outside & watch his or anyone else'. Decide now what you want from a relationship...what type of people you want in your life...what it is you must receive from someone to allow them access to you, your heart & your life. Set your boundaries and stick to them. Otherwise you will lose yourself, and what is the point if you lose it all? |
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I hear what you're saying. And yeah, I fear that all the time. But something in me still wants to believe him when he said that he's going to stop doing that stuff and that he's not going to cheat on me. I know that prob'ly sounds pathetic. But I just truly believe that some where in him is a good man. He may only be 2 cm tall right now, but... he's not GOING to cheat on you he already IS cheating on you calling/texting/emailing other women and asking them to meet you IS cheating, as far as i'm concerned |
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I hear what you're saying. And yeah, I fear that all the time. But something in me still wants to believe him when he said that he's going to stop doing that stuff and that he's not going to cheat on me. I know that prob'ly sounds pathetic. But I just truly believe that some where in him is a good man. He may only be 2 cm tall right now, but... he's not GOING to cheat on you he already IS cheating on you calling/texting/emailing other women and asking them to meet you IS cheating, as far as i'm concerned she's right. when a man has cheated in his mind, he intends to do it in his heart. I also know that you are a security blanket for him. Your relationship (trust me on this) is already dying in his eyes, but he knows you "won't leave", so he's looking for that newness in someone else. Of course things are great when your not talking about what he knows he's doing wrong, he has you hooked and he knows he can do what he wants because of that. Do you really want someone thinking of you that way? Didn't think so... respect yourself enough to know that your love is not being cherished. I know it's hard to believe now, but not only can you find love that will be more fulfilling, but love that will give back what you put in. You're a beautiful person, don't waist your time trying to make sour milk taste good 
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Biker votes boot him to the curb.
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Biker votes boot him to the curb. And if there happens to be a full trash can near the curb so much the better. Empty the contents out on his sorry cheating ass (and the rest of him for good measure) |
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I used to be clingy like that. What helped me was to cling to friends. Just like on here many friends helped me. What you need is a good friend but what is even better is a whole lot of friends. Good friends can help you to get your ego back up to where it needs to be.
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all i can say is that a had a woman like this and she was so nice to me and then we had a child together and then it got real bad. now after the break up 4 years later she still makes my life livening h@@@ and for the child.she now is on boyfriend no 7 and this is the 2 guy this year that wants to get married to her. get out of this relationship next thing you know you could have a child and then you have to deal with this person for life. now you can walk free and clear.life is way to short to have someone that says they love you to do this to you.if this was your friend and she came to you and said her boyfriend was doing this what would you tell her?you are blinded by love .just gather up your stuff and find a place and walk out that door never look back.you have to enjoy life each day and with this person you will never will do that.
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For some people the l... word comes to easy.I believe that actions speak louder than words.I am conserned that you said you met him on this site so I'm sure that he has read what you have wrote here,is that part of your plan to get his attention? Just curious! I have been caught in the web of a controling person and once they know what buttons to push they go to work on your vulerability.It took me three attempts to stay away from this man and now thank god I did. Good luck to you.
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People can only treat us the way we allow them to treat us. Sounds like he needs to make some kind of decision or you do. Sounds pretty shady... I dont know that I would trust him. You can only call a prince a prince for only so long. If he is a toad its gonna show. I agree
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He is treating you that way because you allow him to.
If you don't like it ...move on! He doesn't treat you right... you know it... I know it... We ALL can see it! Better get stepping before he gives you a NASTY STD  He sounds GROSS- I don't care how sexy he is! You should stop for a moment and think about yourself. Be good to yourself. |
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The only person that can turn this whole situation around is YOU. He can only walk on you as long as you get down on the ground and allow him to step all over you...and I do believe thats what you are allowing him to do to you!! If you really believe he was going to meet someone else, why would you even want to be with this guy? I think you need to wake up and realize that you are way to good for this guy!!
Are you sure you are IN love with him or is he just a security thing? Sometimes we tend to hang on to someone because we are afraid of being alone. Trust me, you are better off being alone then being with a cheater!! In the long run, your best bet is to get out now before he ends up bringing home a disease that you can't get rid of. Obviously, you care more about him then he cares about you...move on!! |
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I'm wondering how Unique made out. Seems she dropped out of this topic.
Anwywho, am hoping for the best for her! |
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