let me start by asking to whoever reads this, have you ever held your tears back so much that when pains pierces your heart like a spear running thrue a soldiers chest, when pain strikes you unexpected, and you wanted to cry for a moment, or maybe for a second, maybe just to drop a single tear drop, and let that tear drop hold the pain of your life, just one single tear drop, powerful enough to take you down, but when you tried, you couldnt, or you just forgot how to.....

yes i tried to, all my life i held my tears back, showing no type of emotion, showing no type of fear, it was my dads discipline in my heart, telling me, no cross that out, yelling at me, saying, a man will shed no tears, a man will not cry, for a man is strong to stand against all kind of pain, so i followed....

yes i tried to, i tried following, and it worked for many years, i mean all i could remember from crying was, i think i was 3 years old, i think it was when i seen my little puppy die, yeh, i was a little kid, and that was my little dog, so i cried in pain, but then he gave me that talk....

yes i tried to, no, i applied it, its like when i fell down the stairs of a two story building when i was 4, i could have cried, but i didnt, i was shocked....

or when my older sister left out of my life, leaving me with my dad and mom fighting each other, leaving me take care of my little sister alone, growing in every blow that came towards me

or when my father came drunk from the club, shredding the place into broken pieces, when the mirror fell on the floor, in front of me, i seen my image, no tear drops from me, i grew angry, but i grew

or just maybe it could have been when i broke the window with my hands, cut so deep i could've had stitches, we couldnt afford it, no tear drops came from me, just blood drops

i let go of my pain when i got jumped into one of the gangs i was involved in, all that anger i had in me exploded, but only a small portion surfaced me, i did enough to survive the beatings

but then......

tell me why, why did i came to see so much pain, that when i had an argument with my grandfather, he then had gotten operated for an ulcer, came back home, we where still mad at each other, but, it was that night, a sunday night, well sunday night going to monday, i noticed a bad smell coming from my grandparents room.....

i woke up, and heard a lot of comotion, i heard alot of talking, voices that seemed concerned, worried, scared, so i walked up into the kitchen, and they told me that his wound had gotten infected, i was like "what", with a blank stare, like if i still didnt show emotion......

i went outside, looking into the stars, and then saw him and the ambulance peoples come out the front door, taking him into the ambulance, which was taking him to the hospital, i got heated, i got angry, i slammed the wall........

i let out a yell that everybody heard in my street, fell on my knees, and looked up into the stars again, instead of light, i saw darkness, i slammed the floor, i slammed it harder, so hard i cut my self, i saw my bloody hands, and i let out......

yes i let out......what i held for so many years in my life, i cried.......

yes i cried, i was down, i was weak, but somehow i became stronger....

yes i tried to, i tried to hide it, but i just cried out even more, and my mom and sister noticed me, they cried with me aswell, not because they took my grandfather, somehow they had hope, i didnt, but they cried because......i was no longer that heartless person showing no emotions.....

that night, i became a man.......

If we cannot cry, we cannot laugh

thanks for the comments, and yeh, all those incidents happened, but i thank God that my grandfather is ok now, that night was a scary night, it was scary because i thought that the last thing that i told him, was indeed the last thing i could have told him, without saying sorry, but yeh, like i said before, i thank God for everything being ok now, and that was a lesson learned

your story shows that by allowing our emotions to show we become stronger