ah thanks master you r very wise

Or better yet, from the mistakes of others.

Some people get enough of a view of having kids from raiseing siblings and or working with kids in their employment. No that is not exactly the same thing as being a parent but for many it is enough to convince them that they don't want to do it on a personal level; especially without having a good relationship to share the load.

Not everyone has the opportunity to have contact with desireable partners. Either they live in a very small community or have a career that keeps displaceing them before a real relationhip can mature to love and marriage. Military members or third shift workers are a good example of people who have particularly hard time dateing. People who are in the transportation industry that are away from their neighborhood for long periods have a hard time being available on demand. My late husband told me that several times he was attracted to women but they absolutely would not consider being a military spouse or he was reassigned before relationships really took off. Some people do not want to marry a co-worker and that is very tough for professions where big demands are made on time and where you life.

Some people are single because they have a disability that they don't necessarily find necessary to tatoo across their profile but eventually discourage relationships. Or have ended past relationships because not everyone is cool about differences. I know many great adults with responsible, careing, and courteous personalities that have been repeatedly been rejected because their potential partner or their family has been influnce to not "settle" for them. Some are even only potential health issues like genetic issues or surviors of one kind of illness or another like Cancer or seizures or an amputation.

It is hard to admit it but some people just have a tough time because they don't meet the typical definition of beauty or assets. Guys who are short, women who are heavy, people who have thin hair. Some people can't afford a car while they are educateing themselves or on a lower income and how many people really will go on a date on the bus. Not everyone can afford a home or living in a really desireable neighborhood. Sometimes it is just the competion. Guys who work and live where I met my husband had a rough way to go with the male/female ratio 5/1.

I don't buy the arguement that a person who has always been single can not live in a pattern that is not self centered. Many single people live in shared houseing situations where they have learned to be orderly and considerate and co-operate. People who have lived with others and run rough shod over them abound. Some of us have long endured the rather boreing pespective of always having it their way and would be thrilled to have another persons perspective reflected in their life. The only way to determin how a person's personality is is to spend some time with them and pay attention.

I also think it is terribly unfair to disresect people for being "Momma's boy's" or Daddy's Princess" because they stepped up and cared for parents or other family members in the early part of their life or are currently doing so. Not every inner-generational relationship is in fact disfunctional. Some people actually have the good fortune to have good family relationships. If you want to have a good idea how you are going to be treated long term in a relationship is to see how they treat other people they have long term relationships with usually their parents or siblings. Just living with kids who have no choice to live anywhere else does not necessarily make you a companionalbe person to live with.

It is not always the case but I generally have learned the more people a person has immediately involved in their life; children, dependent parents or siblings, ex-inlaws, ex's, room mates, and really close friends or even co-workers the harder it is to develope a relationship. You just have more people to try to be compatiable with. If they are trying to resolve issues such as financial matters, custody, or deal with loss you can bet there will be drama. I am much more likely to date a solo person than someone who a whole tribe to deal with.

Lot of time I get hassled about not dateing people who are seperated or adviseing against not dateing the recently divorced "walking wounded" but I have seen so many rebound relationships make everyone involved miserable I just don't need that kind of misery.

A person who has no negative history just seems like a better bet. Would I buy a person has "no negative history" on just their say so. Sorry no way. I might of been born on Thursday just not last Thursday. I start getting serious about a person I check them out. Does what they tell me jive with what they tell me or their friends? A person who can't produce a reference has a very hard road to be convinceing in my books.

Sorry I don't necessarily buy that. I don't have to do some things to necessarily be wise enough to know they are just foolish. Someone who has to learn every thing "the hard way" makes me really nervous. You kind of get tired of taking the lumps for other peoples foolishness even if they learn something from it. A guy who has three ex-wifes and twelve kids he is supose to be paying child support on might have experience but I wouldn't call that wise.

sigh! sigh! sigh! missing my point completely!!

I'm not going to get married!

how about the ones who are physically unable to have a child? how traumatic, i think, for a person to want something so badly, yet be unable to conceive, for whatever reason. i'm awfully careful with accusations and assumptions, especially in regards to people without children.

if they chose to not have children, for whatever reason, they represent a better man, in my opinion, than those who don't see their children and refuse to pay child support.

just because i have children, and he doesn't, it certainly isn't any indication that he would hate mine and/or mistreat them, or not be committed to them and help with the parenting.

ITS DA FEMALES

I DK

and neither would I...please stop reading too much in to what I say.

The comment was made that people who were married and divorced were not as wise as those who never married, and my comment back was that in mistakes wisdom can be learned.... That's all nothing else. Not that you have to be married a thousand times...there's not alot of wisdom in that either.

No you don't have to learn everything the hard way, I've never done crack and am wise enough to know i have too much to lose to do it now.

I met my husband when I was 19, we dated for 4 years then got married waited another 4 years to have a child, I chose my husband because he was a good person, someone with potential someone who I knew would be there when the chips were down, someone who would always take care of his responsibilities, and although we are divorced, he is still that person, but what I didn't know then that I do know now is that I didn't love him, nor did he love me, we loved the "idea" of each other. although I did make that mistake, I learned from it, I learned that I needed to put my needs above what society considers a "good mate" I am wiser from that experience.

They are the successful players... and no girl is good enough for them... until the quality of girls start declining, they will settle on someone.

Or a Perfectionist Control freak...

Or they are Nice Guys that never learned how to be a man.

Or Serial Killer that don't know how to socialize because they have a dead grandmother or dead boyfriend hidden in the basement.

Nicely said!!!

Ahhh, each person (man and woman) are different. Could be a multitude of reasons why a man is in his 40's and not married.

Got to flip the coin on you...would you rather date a man that was divorced 2 or 3 times?

Maybe I am jaded, but I used to introduce my ex-husband as my first husband. He now introduces me as his starter wife. Yes, we are stupid like that.

M