After two weeks of participating on this site, I've come to find many trends. Please read this humble view and respond with your criticism. Thank you.

'Playing the Game' by Gianni

There is a game to be played through online dating. Getting to know someone and allowing yourself to be exposed via such an easy, unaccountable method such as the internet entails strategy and deviousness whether intentional or unintentional. With no body language and with ample time to think and to formulate responses, internet dating removes the surety of sincerity and sets up the perfect platform for elusion. Indeed someone wanting to make a good impression can easily devise a strategy with regards to what approach to take in order to win someone's good favour. Many questions are raised to this avail. Among the most straightforward are:
Which side of myself do I show? Do I show my genuine self or do I show who he/she wants to see? At what rate do I expose myself? Do I show as little as possible so that he/she is forced to show him or herself first? etc.
Each of these questions can entail many more. The reason why you would ask yourself these questions is that exposing yourself renders you vulnerable; a feeling that most people are uncomfortable with. For the honest and sincere who understand that a meaningful relationship can only happen when both parties are so exposed and so vulnerable that complete trust is absolutely necessary, this concept is easily understood. But to the selfish and to those who don't understand that love is about surrendering all rights, vulnerability is a problem. This is precisely why the online dating game exists. As a matter of fact, it is very conceivable that two people who would be a great couple can never end up meeting because of the lack of savy that one may have with regards to how to play the game. In order to get to know one another, both members interact through conversation while trying to avoid problems such as communication barriers and misconceptions. Moreover, there is a tone and a tempo to the exposing of personality. If one person is exposing him or herself too quickly, the other will think that he/she is too needy and may be scared off. On the other hand, if one of the two members opens up at too slowly of a rate, the other will think the he/she is too reserved and unpassionate and might therefore lose interest. This simple example merely skims the surface of how intricate the dynamics are in this game called 'online dating'. However, all this can be very easily avoided if one or even both members know how to play the game well. In this case, people can be dishonest, caniving, and sly (whether intentionally or unintentionally), and comply with the tone that the other person sets, in order to gain favor and win hearts. If the end justifies the means, then there is no problem to lying to a potential match... but does it?

To finalize my point, online dating greatly favours those who are manipulative and takes power away from those who are sincerely here to give their hearts to someone with hopes that he/she will return the favour. Of course such success stories do happen, but are not a dime a dozen and should not be taken for granted.

Being honest always is the first part.

Also, being respectful of the other person's opinions and stances is a must. If a person tells you they just want to be friends, for example, pushing the issue will destroy that friendship.

You can't cloak that pushiness by saying "well, I was honest", or think that you just did not have enough "game" or "savvy" to "pull it off".

Conversations should be casual at first and progress as both people feel comfortable. If you sense the other person isn't where you are, it is respectful to back off. As well, assuming things based on typing is never a good idea. If you just don't "get" the other person, over and over, then you just aren't on the same page as them. Simple.

It's not one person's fault or another, but trying to be open minded is important. You can't assume a tone.

oh....OK

Sadly, I had the misfortune of learning all this the hard way.

Thinking that I had nothing of value to offer someone who I was interested in, I unintentionally tried to impress her by being the man who I imagined she would be attracted to: 'strong backbone, relentless, determined'. I just ended up being insincere and made an idiot of myself. By that time, it was too late to regain any friendship; her opinion of me was made...

Which is why I've taken the time to write this post as well as I could so that others will not make that mistake.

I see a lot of what you say is true. I've had one guy who I think was lying to himself and to me inadvertently. I think he wanted "us" so badly that he thought he was up to the task of a relationship, but he simply wasn't.
I have also had the great fortune to get to MEET some of the local fellows here to get a better gauge on who they really are or to see if there was a connection.
One tool I use is to look at people's posts, if they are a poster!!! It's indicative of their views, silly side, etc.
I find it hardest with long distance interests. Like you say, no body language and plenty of time to think before writing.
So, I'm on here for friendship. I want to know the person on that level.

That's wise

Very wise words for one so young. The internet can be your friend or your enemy. But one must remember you still need to be you. Don't try to be someone just because that is the person they are looking for. Once a lie is told it is hard to uphold. Then it leaves both parties with a void. The one you told it too due to you are not what they had expected and now the trust has been broken. And the one that told the lie for now there is no way to go back in time and correct what they wish they had never said. Anytime someone tries to be something they are not it will surely sooner or later crumble.

That's nice of you to say TxsGal

I have fears of what you're describing and ask myself and him many questions when the conversations are going along at such an agreeable manner that it doesn't seem possible.

I think it would be easy to concentrate your conversations on issues you agree on and never venture into territory that might force argument or resentments to form.

Though you seem to be getting on swimmingly, you could both be slightly skewing the bigger picture just enough to avert reality and you would both lose to let it continue once you know it's there.

(((Gianni))) Thanks so much for sharing your experience. It takes a lot to stand up and point to our own fallacies. You are tops in my book hon. Just watch out for yourself and move slow.

Also, I don't think that good and honest matches made anywhere are exactly a dime a dozen either hon. I think it's very rare indeed in any given arena. JMHO.

life is fun. so have fun and meet people.
but as Cyrano de Bergerac found out, you
can't really have fun unless you are yourself.

now, go forth and party!

Thank you so much for your feedback. It's always nice to be encouraged.
I know it's overused, but I don't overuse it... you definitely deserve a flower
What does JMHO stand for?

J-just
M-my
H-Humble
O-opinion



Dude, no one actually meets on dating sites, that's just what they say in the ads.

The real truth is, this place is filled with the heartbroken and jaded. There's a nice combo for finding "the right one."

Look, if your honest you stand a slim chance, if your dishonest you stand no chance. The fear of the internet (not just dating sites, but all of it) is that there is nothing "real" on it. Eveyone is out to steal your identity, or cheat you or scam you. If your getting something from the internet it's probably just a virus waiting to download your credit card info.

The level of trust that a person has to build on a site like this or any other is huge. Much larger than someone you'd meet on the street. For an honest man, that is willing to take his time in getting to know someone, the internet isn't even an option. Sorry, people associate computers with "quick" and there are no "quick fixes" in the love department.

Good luck man.

Online dating is just as you say and those who are mild and shy are going to get run over...just as in life.

Those who are boisterous and flamboyant are going to get noticed and find response. (empty and numerous response)

but those who are mild and shy are gonna attract the people better suited for them. It takes longer and more patience but those are the ones who will find success.

Highschool exists here and now online, and we all have a second chance to be genuine or a popular kid. My guess is that most would rather be popular.

I've heard from people who have met on this site... and I've heard of people who regularly get dates off of here. But yea, I somewhat agree with the rest of what you said.

Then I'm definitely not most.
Thanks for your response.

D@mn you mean to tell me I get to be ignored and bullied again? I am not going to help anyone with the tests though. I learned my lesson in high school, letting the hot chick cheat off you in class will not get you a date!!

Wow I totally disagree with you but then hey my opinion and your opinion is to each our own.

I have known those that have meet the love of their life on the internet and in no way was it a quick fix. It took many e-mails phone calls trips ect to get to know them.

In life there are no quick fixes for anything. If one is looking for a quick fix it will only last a short time whether it be by internet or in person. You see life is what we make it we must take the down falls along with finding cloud 9. It has it's ups and downs and if you're lucking you will find that happy middle.

But to say it can never happen is so wrong. One never knows what is around the next corner in life. I myself have meet some off of this site we ended as friends only but who is to say that I want find someone.

If one always looks for the negative in life that is what you shall find.

Let me guess.... Psych major?

Who me? No my major is accounting. I just enjoy analysis of any kind, but especially with numbers and mathematics. I like accounting because it's business math.

I agree