I am a single parent and my kids I take care of better than a woman would so tell me the friends and lawyers (Actually wanted to nominate me for the single parent of the year last year in California I refused I don't like publicity)
Lets not generalize I am very good with kids If I have 2 another 2 more aint hurting no one Generalization and exaggeration is short sighted

I wasn't generalizing. I said some, not all. My ex-husband left when he realized that I would always be there for my children if and when they needed me. I have 5 children, and he is father to all of them. He just assumed that once they became adults, there would be no parenting left to do. I disagree.

I dont blame you. I would have been just as blunt! Good Girl
Do not approach a stranger and expect everything to be to your liking.

I dont have a problem finding dates...but when things start to go the next level...

Ive noticed men like to be the center of their womens attention...

and seeing as how I dont let guys come around my kids...not a risk Im ready to take right now..

then my TIME becomes a serious issue...

ok Robert first off I am not generalizing IF you read I said "these" men meaning the men that the OP was talking about and secondly don't say you'd do better than a woman.. You aren't a woman and don't know all women so you cannot state that... that was just obnoxious and silly

As a man who has never been married, and has zero children, I think I can answer this. Fear. Single men that have never had children, have no idea how to act around them. My word, as much as I swear in real life, there is no way I'd want to be around another person's children. I don't want to be blamed when they come up to you and say F*** for the first time.

Also, when your children are messing up, we have to just sit there and watch it, can't do anything about it. Have you ever had a guy you were dating correct your children? What was (or would be) your reaction? Think about it, your first reaction would be to protect your children (I'm not talking about a physical abuse situation either, I'm talking about a verbal repremand).

Also as a man, when you see that situation, you know that you have to work twice as hard. You not only have to gain the woman's trust and affection, the children have to be won over too. That is a daunting task. A guy like me, I can't even get a single woman to like me, how am I going to get a woman and her children to do it?

Here's another. Now I can't attest to what a single Dad, or a divorcee might think, but as a bacholer I can tell you, there's a lot of people involved in a relationship with single mom. Me, I've lived alone, not even a roommate, for over 15 years. Now you want me to let children invade my space? My house isn't child proof. I have expensive things that look like toys. I leave loaded weapons in my living room (sorry), I don't have any child saftey things anywhere. How can I let your kids into my home?

And ladies, if your children have children, taking a man from no wife, no kids to "this is my girlfriend, her children and grandchildren" is huge. Look a ready made family is one thing, but a jump from "single" to "grandpa" is a real leap. Some of us, that's just scary. You have to ease men into that.

Look, if you've found a guy you like, all you have to know is two words: time and patience. We're men, we are so easy it's ridiculous. If you ease this stuff on him, you'll bag him. Most men, we just need a little push.

See this is also the kind of attitude that throws single guys off. If we love you, and love your kids, we will want to be, not a daddy, but an influence. We'll want to take them fishing, or teach them to throw a ball, or take them to soccer practice. To us, it is the whole package. Apparently to single moms, it's "you get me, but you have nothing to do with the children." What's the adage... you can't have your (beef)cake and eat it too. If you put your children between you and him, you'll drive him away every time.

I'm a single dad and have no problem interfacing with other peoples kids. If I didn't have a child it probably would be different since I wouldn't have the experience I do. I'D be AFRAID to screw up their kid.

Divorced Dad here,yeah finding a woman near my age without kids is close to impossible. But its cool because I have kids. Not everyday-day in and day out. But I will have them more with me this summer when they are out of school. Its going to be awhile before I get serious about a woman anyway, but she won't be meeting my kids for a long while. They don't need the additional drama, being teenagers and experiencing the recent divorce.

Well, seeing as my daughter doesn't live with me anymore, I don't bring her up until we've talked quite a bit and known each other,,,but then i've already slipped and at least mentioned her name once.....lol


My main concern is finding a guy isn't terrified of meeting a retired Marine.......at least until i can get the hell out of here and into my own place....

I'm a 34 year old male who has never been married and never had children.

I dated a single mom once. She had a 2 year old and was also going to school for pre-law. Her parents were well-to-do and thus took care of her and her son while they got her an education so she could provide for herself in life.

The problems hit when she just didn't have or wouldn't make time for me. We'd talk every day on the phone, but I only got to see her 2 times over a month and a half. Whenever I politely brought this up, she would get mad and defensive. I also was irked when she did get SEVERAL free nights and immediately would be out partying with her girlfriends at the clubs...with me as not even a thought.

I ended things with her, but this is one of the biggest reasons I am very very reluctant on single moms. Any of the ones I've met just don't have any time to date. They're working, house stuff, parent stuff, etc. I've met others who could even spare one night a week to get together (despite how much interest they showed me). My heart goes out to them for their dedication and such, but if they can't spare time to be my girlfriend, then they're better off just putting dating on a long break til their lives more "calm down" and they have time for themselves.

I also don't care for the ones that are trying to hurry a man down the aisle. Talked to one single mom who had one child and literally told me she wants to find a guy and get married within a year and then have more kids. She was so wound up by the biological clock fears that she basically was looking for any male to be a wallet and sperm bank for her. I'm not saying this is all single moms, but I ran into one of these, my friend ran into two of them, and I hear other stores like this on these boards.

Finally, another thing is that I have not met a single mom whom I found as "ideal". The woman who maybe got married, started a family, then ended up divorced and alone, but she's got a job, takes care of things, and only needs a man for companionship...PLUS...she's got time to be his girlfriend.

What I've seemed to only meet are what I call "burned out party girls". These were the women who spent their 20s rejecting guys like me because we weren't "alpha" enough for them. Then one night they got knocked up by some bad boy they have been drooling over and now look to guys like me to "save them" from being seen as the failed knocked up woman.

I AM NOT SAYING ALL SINGLE MOMS ARE THIS...SO DON'T START ATTACKING ME!!

I've met some of what I call the "good single moms" that are wonderful women who happen to have a kid or two, but they all seem to live far away. So that's out for me. One some of these sites I've had single moms contact me that really were not women I'd want even if they were childless. Just not attracted to these particular women.

Now I've heard many say that the chances of finding a childless woman around my age is very difficult or impossible, but I'm also not in a big rush to find someone and marry. I'd rather she be Ms Right than Ms Convenient. I still don't rule out single moms, but I've yet to meet one locally that I call a good woman. The ones I have seen in those other states also have no problem finding men...God bless em too because they are great women and I'm glad they all found love.

I think there are some guys who hate on the single moms, and they shouldn't, but they do because they more fear that the pool of attractive childless women will shrink up to nothing and thus be stuck with choices they don't want.

As for the rest of us, we don't hate the single moms, but we're not just going to jump into anything because we basically want to be a little selfish. I know I've spent a lot of time getting rejected by many women in my 20s, the kind who now pine and try to get me to take care of them. I feel personally that I don't deserve to be someone's "last resort" as in the cases of these particular women.

I want to be a little selfish. I want to be able to see her, date her, spend time with her, and not have to perform a juggling act with trying to find time around her parental responsibilities. In many ways, I don't even think I want children in my life. That I'd rather just work, travel, spend my money on me, and focus my spare time on me. Some say that's selfish, but it is my life...and I am in charge of it.

In the end for all the guys who hate on single moms...stop. That's like hating on your own mom. Worse if she was a single mom too! You don't want to date these women, then don't. Just don't get involved with one and then hurt her by running at the first sign of the kid, when you knew she had one. Don't waste their time because I'm sure there are men out there who would date these women.

Alpha Male Sydrome

I'd say screw'em, but better yet, don't screw'em. You're a package deal, and probably know full well it takes selflessness to be a parent. You want someone who is also like minded, or at least willing to be a friend to your kid too. As you are a package deal, it's probably a good idea to have pictures of you and your kid too, to reinforce it.

Some people are selfish. Or, they think they won't get enough of your time and attention. Maybe they worry about not being the top priority in your life. Others are afraid of the exes. Some fear they will be suckered into supporting your children. There are people who have had bad experiences and fear the brat from Hell. Others simply don't like kids or don't have any parenting skills. A few aren't mature enough or "together" to be good role models and they know it. There are probably as many reasons as there are people.

I have two teenagers that live with me, and I have plenty of room in my house and heart for more.

MsCarmen - we all have issues as humans and sometimes reasons are not deemed necessary neither are explanations hence the non-responses.

Take it with a grain of salt and be happy they were honest.

My question, does it matter if they were to explain themselves? What would it solve/help/ease?

agreed .. but sure glad when they say it from the gate .. not 3 mos into a relationship yanno?

{{{{fade}}}} I'm w/you girl!

I dated a guy with a daughter once. I was soooooo touched that SHE liked ME. She was the sweetest little girl. Kaiya was her name. That was about 18 yrs.'s ago and I still remember her like it was yesterday.

I get the point of not wanting to date a single parent because they feel time would be taken away from the relationship because of the dedication to the child/children, and realistically in the beginning, it would be. But if you really like that person, and if you're patient, then once things progress enough to bring the child into the picture, then there will be more time allowed for the relationship.

And granted, your outings would include the child more, but if you pursued the person knowing that they already had a child, then you should expect this anyway.

I can also understand why some shy away because of an ex and having to deal with "is the ex going to think that I'm trying to "take over" as the new father or mother" (whatever the case may be). In my case, that isn't a problem because my daughter's father has passed away.

Which brings me to my next point. Some of you are saying that your child doesn't need a father or mother because they already have one, or that you are doing a good enough job by yourself (I'm one of those people). And I agree with that to a certain point.

But don't you think it is realistic to say that once you get into a serious relationship with a person that they will be taking on a father/mother role because they are going to be a permanent part of the child's life? I mean one of the biggest things us as single parents look for in a potential mate is are they suitable for my child.

So wouldn't it be safe to say, that when pursuing a person, we look for a person who would be a suitable father/mother role model for our child/children as that would really be one of the main roles they would play if the relationship were to get serious?

And could it be safe to say, that this could be one of the number one reasons people shy away from dating single parents?