I really don't know what to say. I've been married now for 24 yrs. and
the last 2 gone sour. I haven't had a friend of the opposite sex since
I've graduated high school in 1982 (Pathetic isn't it?) not even 1. My
spouse is very jealous and goes into a rage if I even talk to another
girl, I feel she's very insecure about herself. About 2 yrs ago my
spouse told me that she loved me but wasn't in love with me anymore
which by the way crushed my heart. But what she said next floored me,
she told me she would live the rest of her life with me as long as she
didn't have to have sex with me. She told me I was a great lover but she
hated sex. Now saying that in the back of mind I think 1 she's already
eyeing her a stalion she picked out or 2 she's already put a saddle on
him and rode him, I'll probably never know. Now realizeing that I've
lived the past 24 yrs for someone else I've come upon the question "What
about me?" I don't want to come across selfish but I feel I've missed
out on alot in my life. Now living without any romance or compassion,
and a long time without any kind of sexual relationship I would like to
get back into the dating scene but I don't want to come across like a
low down cheater or being unfaithful (I have been faithful for 24 yrs)
but I've realized I have needs and desires that I would like to fufill.
I have a wonderful 8 yr old son and that's the reason I'm where I'm at
today. I would love to hear from some of you women and get your point of
view, maybe I'm missing something here?

Counseling for both to see why she has had a change of heart

Pray and put it before the Lord and he will work it out.

Coming from a similar situation I have to say that wanting a
relationship with sex is not unreasonable. It is a natural response to
not only fill that need but to have a connection with a person on a
deeper emotional level. There is nothing more special than allowing your
vulnerabilites to show to another and still be loved. It sounds to me
your ex has probably been having issues for a long time. Maybe she is
going through a mid life crisis or something because I can't understand
why she wouldn't want that connection with you especially after the
length of time you have been together. I agree with Kojak, counseling
can help get to those issues underneath those feelings.

aw ..... I waisted 17 years with an idiot ,,3 wonderful kids was the
only positive product... it is really sad and it really sucks..........
but you deserve better and you sound like a good person , I know it is
hard to be flung out into the world but you'll be fine !!! Good luck ...
I try to laugh at every thing ..it is hard at first but it will get
better

Hi & welcome to the site.

yes Counceling, buy some books & toys!
try romancing her again. she might need to see her DR.

JMO If you are still married you have a commitment.
can you live with yourself having sex with some one else & sleeping in
the same bed with your wife or husband & not feel like you still have
sex all over you.

there is many people that are single & still don't get laid,
Marriage is bad on romance. We seem to for get it.

Bought some toys she thought they were gross and wouldn't try them.
Bought nightys for her she wont wear them, I know I'm sounding negative
here but I've tried to give more romance amongst other things with no
response.

some women ,,doubt men ,,but some lose interest or never had a lot of
interest ,, but it is HUGE if she does not want it ,,both members of the
team should be into it or the other is doomed , it would not be fair to
live your life with out cause she 's not into it ,,,she is really
selfish to think you should just cut that part out of the relation ship
,, love with out making love ,,she might as well become your sister at
that point . sad that the PARTNERSHIP did not work out ,,but I would
select a new mate at this point.......not that it is that simple but
.......... your current contract is looking pretty one sided.

when its gone its gone let it go she done that and you must learn, to do
the same, counceling wont work as she has already made up her
mind,[trust me]you have to figure out whats your next move im pretty
sure she thought of hers already and im not female bashing but thats how
some of them are,start thinking about you and whats your next move and
make it your best move!

Yea it's easy for me to say things. the only thing is your son.
then you have to look at it as is it better for him to grow up thinking
thats the way a marriage should be.
I know i lost respect for my husband & there is no way to ever get that
back. to buy toys or sexy things even it has to be something fun to do
together. women have a problem of thinking sex as a chore in alot of
marriages & it's really sad.
it should be something that comes with a girl when she reaches a age
that they need to learn their bodies.
HOW TO HAVE A ORGASM! that would save alot of marriages

Sorry this is one of thoes hart felt things that brings a lot of pain
.I must say the only thing is you two need to talk with eachto the root
then decide togeather what you can work and live with.Sorry

She didn't have a problem having orgasm's, and yes I think after the
time we've spent together she does see sex as a chore not something that
comes natural. I like the comes natural thing it's alot more exciteing.
My son shouldn't think marriages is supposed to be that way but I also
don't wont to have to live without him, it would destroy him to have to
live somewhere without his DA DA. That's the reason I don't wont to seem
so anxiuos to try and find someone else right now. But my hormones are
very anxious and tired of waiting on something I feel will not happen. I
haven't given up just given myself another way of thinking.

Catchme may I ask how after time you lost respect for your husband?

I got the same after 16 yrs I got I been doing everything for everyone
my whole life now its time for me and I dont want to be married anymore.

I'm real about everything & he would manipulate everybody. I don't
like liers. I stayed because thats what i believed was right to stand by
my man. He would say you treat a stranger better than you do me.. I
said true! I still respect them.. It was time to go, there was nothing
healthy there...


spell ck plz!

BOBBY BEEN WHERE YOUR AT AND HAD TO SAY GOODBYE.
BUT, I found mine with another,,,
Yours is still MAYBE workable, you both need a third party to debate and
counsel you both, then if she still feels that away, ITS OVER DUDE...The
inbetween sh-t can go on,,like you BOTH find another but I would and
could NEVER go there,,,I would just say we can't and im sorry that YOU
fell out of love wih me and work on what I would tell your son and
through this whole damm thing you TWO are into with YOUR love,,,,HE will
be the TRUE hurt one here,,,no-matter how you to break apart!!!
Life is sometimes OVER DRAMATIC but we all have to GO-ON!
my is out for you both and if ya need someone to talk to,,,email
me anytime! I'll give GOD a prayer for you both and just hope for your
both,,,BEST!

she might just have a hormone problem..

Thanks Iam4U I just might take u up on that. Right now I feel I need a
friend of the opposite sex to sit down with and try to figure out what
women feel when they have been in a relationship for a long period of
time. I don't think it's a hormone problem I could be wrong she see's a
dr. reguarly for check ups and all. Counseling I've suggested and get
"we don't need a stranger to tell us how to live our lives." I hope u
all don't think that I just keep throwing excuses after excuse at ya,
that's 1 of the reasons I've opened up today like no other point in my
life. Don't know what posessed me to but it did make me feel better. I'm
amazed at how many men e-mailed me saying they went thru a simular
situation, thanks for all of your support, please keep them coming.
Ladies if you lived close to me and seen what I'm writeing also knowing
I'm married would u consider going out with me or would u consider me
scum?

Its gut check time dude. Start living for yourself. I tried to hang in
there for as long as I could, but I realized that I'm a person too and
giving 100% was never going to be good enough. Life is too damn short,
go live it. I'm willing to bet they're are many women who'd treat you
much better.

I think it's awful the way some women are with husbands like you. She
has what I would do anything for, and I do mean anything. After 2 years
of nothing I think it's safe to say it's time to move on. Your son is
young and they adapt more easily when they are younger. Just always make
sure he knows that his Da Da still loves him, at least as much as she
will let you. Don't give up hope, there is someone out there for
everyone, it's just finding them. And to answer your last question,
would I consider going out with you or think of you as scum. I'd go out
with you, but not til after you started the divorce, just so I'd know
you were for real. And sorry, that's not about you, it's just the way
the world is today.
I wish you all the best in whatever it is you decide is best for you.
And if you want any female advice from me, your more then welcome to
email me anytime.
PMS