No, it is not about judging them... it is about people being self aware.

I'm not here to fix anyone.... I am responsible for me. If a friend needs help, I'm there. But no way am I going to allow a person who acts in this manner to get enmeshed in my life as a potential mate. I worked hard to get over my issues and did not date until I was ready. I simply expect the same.

Having compassion for a person in pain and having a person interested in dating me and then trashing their ex straight off the bat... that is apples and oranges.

This is hardly something that bothers me the most about others. It is just commonality I observed. And walk away from. For me, it is more about the Golden Rule... and knowing yourself.

good question lilith...what a turn off...i can see evenutally in a relationship whether it be friends or more that this will come out...but when you first start talking to someone, last thing you want to hear is thier tales of whoa....we all have them. there is always 3 sides to every story...yours, thiers adn the truth that lies somewhere in the middle....

I also see it as a read flag, for one I believe it takes two to make and it takes two to break it so everyone needs to take the responsibility for the relationship going bad. I think men who trash the ex's have issues with taking on personal responsibility and also if they talk bad about her behind her back what will they say about you behind yours?

Big red flag. I think they do that cuz they are not over their ex

just to vent I'm pretty done with all that

hi Lilith - limited vocabulary and limited life experience comes to mind. If a person has nothing to say save for the spewing of negative info on another would just show how limited they really are. To assume someone would be interested and find that type of talk attractive or becoming is beyond me.

kinda pretty dayummm stupid in my opinion, remember grade school gossip lol

Hiya Fran..... Yes, I do recall the drama. I just wish it had an age cap.

You wish for an age cap, I wish wisdom and intelligence were a prerequisite for all adults.

Ahhhh, you are far more hopeful than I, dear lady.

I agree with this and meant to add it before. While gaining the ability to have empathy for others is a growth step for ourselves, that certainly doesn't mean we must martyr ourselves and tolerate their baggage in dating. Hence the part about "just move on"; and kudos to you in your development and healing, as you mentioned you no longer find yourself drawn to those that are still in the midst of their bitterness, regret, self-anger, and pain.

If I find an appropriate article or saying on this, I will be glad to post it to your thread.

Love & Light.

Thank you, but I am sort of against posting articles in threads. I trust those reading can do their own research if they are so inclined.

Thanks for all your posts...

whats up with that I never have been able to chat with you

I believe this is a normal thing, but if if takes up most of the conversation ,that is not cool.women and men alike do this. I know I did it every once in awhile during my dates , I was was married 20 years so she was a big part of my life. And openly admit that I love her and always will, but not in love with her if you catch my drift,and if a person I date does not like this ...then move on !!!

Yeah, and you are taken, too. Plus, you always catch me while I'm working...

do you have a book of excuses sitting in front of you?

BTW I never talk about my ex's unless a direct question is asked. I am more concerned about the future than what happened yesterday

all i can say is.... i can only take 2 min of it then move on to next subject please lmao! even if its not trash......

Why must we feel compassion for anyone? I don't feel compassion for someone who brings on their own hell, and keeping grudges to the point where you dwell in them, is their very own hell. That's not something I have compassion for.

Grow up, put on your big girl or big boy panties, and act like an adult and not like a child that didn't get their way.

My compassion is reserved for people who deserve it, not for those that don't help themselves out of it.

but when i wear the pull ups then i don't have to get up until the commercials

Agreed...perhaps this is why some find me to be cold, meh...I've Pull-ups.