Just wonder if there are any out there who felt they were still married even after their spouse passed on? And how long did it take to get past that?

yes, i still felt married to my fiance'

for many years after he passed away ....


It was only until my children's Dad,

my ex-husband suffered a massive stroke

and died four years after my fiance' did...

due to diabetes and kidney failure

that i had to let my fiance' Richie go

and tend to my grieving children who lost their Daddy


good men & women are just tooo hard to come by...

anyone who really cares about people ~

can't just forget their loved ones...

because they are no longer here in the flesh...

my mom felt that way for 4 yrs...dad passed on 5 yrs ago

Way to long.Ya have to learn to let go.

yes we have told her that...she finally did

We have a local group that meets on Sundays. Yes, definately a process in letting go. This next month the third will be three years for me. I have been told that each one is different in the healing process in regards as to how long it takes.

yes im sure, just depends on the person and how long you was together...mom and dad was together about 38 yrs

Our local chair person who has been through the process for different members of her family gave me wonderful advice when I went to the first meeting. She told me that most men who came to the meeting were looking for a date. She told me that the widows were going through the same process as I was and you can't get a quick fix and fast replacement. She really helped me to understand the grief tears and how it is different from normal crying. The section on the grief ball really was interesting to me and how one can have all their feelings and emotions wrapped tight like a ball. It helped me to separate each feeling and emotion. Being male with a problem with communicating she told me that women have can have a better support group because they don't have to deal with the macho chauvinistic aspect like men do. It was strange because as bad as I was hurting because I was going through the grief process it was very interesting as well. The book they gave us, "From Mourning to Joy" is one I would suggest to anyone going through the process. It has many different points of views that laymen, religious and the scientific community have gotten together on to try to explain the process. But it isn't dogmatic or just pureluy scientific because many of the doctors and people from all walks of life have contributed to its publication.

I thought I might add a link to the site.

http://www.griefshare.org/

It might help someone.

Lost my soulmate of 28 years in 06/06...Cant talk about it too much...just have to say that you never let go...If you loved that person you will always love that person...My heart is big enough to love many....

When my children pressed me to start dating site..I was not interested....

I will never stop loving him...finding a partner that understands that he has no fight, that there are many chapters in everyones books...but the story never ends...

I believe that for those of us that have seen true love and lost will find it again, because we know how to love more...

I find that to be true. I still even love my ex before her. Strangely enough my job as an aide at the nursing home lets me share my love without letting the words become empty. Maybe it is a different kind of love but it is still love. I even have found a positive side to grief because it has made me more empathetic to the welfare of others. When I look at the pictures of the lost ones in their rooms I find it a comfort just as the picture I have of my departed now. It doesn't hurt to look it like it once did. Another positive thing about grief is that it lets me know if I did it right one time then it stands to reason that I can do it right again. Oh, speaking of children the daughter of the deceased was eventually was able to converse with me after she had dealt with the grief, too. That took a while just like it took for me to get over the early grief stages. She even sent me pictures of her children. One just become out of the family like one might think one might because of a departure. Oh, yeah. Can definately relate to that about never stop loving them. Which is why it might make sense to date another widow or widower. A divorce person might not understand as easily if you call out your departed's name in your sleep or mistakely call them the name of the departed. Also another positive side to grief I have found that once can bear to look at nature again. It took me a while. One can see the life like one can see the life and not the death of the departed. I got a new whole understanding of just how precious life really is. Another thing is that everything that my departed taught to me in being with her is still mine. That isn't lost and neither are those beautiful memories. They are something that I will treasure forever.

I dont focus on finding anyone in particular and Ive been told that filling shoes is hard for a partner to do...

My answer...you will never fill his shoes...I just want you to wear your own and love as I do, not as you think you should

What most people dont understand about widows and widowers is that there is no drama...no ghosts in the closet...just fabulous memories to share and new memories to create....

Why is it easier to deal with an ex than a late?????

Yup. Don't want to try the replacement trap. Got to look at it as a whole new person. I found that to be true whether dealing with a divorcee or a late. Who would like to be told that a potential partner reminds one of their ex or late. I mean who can fill those shoes as you say as the late or if it was the departed would still be bad but in another way I guess. Oh, my ghost was due to the grief. I kept up like she was still there for some time and then would eventually have to accept the truth time and time again. For me, it was easier to deal with an ex because eventually I accepted that the love had died. I mean the divorce pretty much decided it and the second divorced to her finished it. But the love still lives with my departed even though she is gone. And that love hurt for a while. A part of the grief process for me. For me, it was the better half angle. It was like the better half of me died and had to regrow to repair the damage caused by the departure. I don't buy into that better half way of looking at it now. People are whole. There isn't a better half to me in my way of looking at it.

Another thing I noticed when I was buying into that feminine side angle thing to a man was that my feminine side was like Vampira. I wrote some poetry that was so horrible to me that I won't even look at it anymore. It terrified me.

I was referring to a new partner when I referenced ex or late...

A guy would rather go out with someone who has an ex than a late...My thinking is that it is over....nothing is ever over, especially if you have children....

I have found someone who does not appear to be intimidated...He respects the partner I had and hopes only to make me happy in a new fresh way...No issues for him yet...We shall see...Im hopeful

A guy would rather go out with an ex. Hmm. Maybe is just me. But I have found widows to be more empathetic. I have found divorcees to tell me to get over it already. Some grieving take longer. Depends on the person involved and how long they were together. Yup. Nothing is ever over. I did however to deal with the divorce try the out of sight out of mind for a while. I was just fooling myself though. Another way I have been in denial. Denial affected me in my addiction. It affected me in my marriages. It affected me in my grieving. In all three cases I have found that the truth really can set one free. I just wasn't ready to accept some of it but once I did accept it it became easier to deal with. I did find what I call the power of powerlessness or as some call dealing with reality on its own terms. I have even read it mentioned in the serenity prayer.

No issues. Wow. Wish I could say that. Guess, I will always have issues. To be issue free. Wouldn't that be something. I wish you the best of luck.