Email you

??? got what in an email?

goodnight wichita, sleep tight, won't see you till the morning light (which for some of us is probably not such a good thing when it comes and we see who we are next to)......

jus playin wichita, you know i love ya......

Good night, NoJoke. I like who I wake up next to every morning.







ME!

It was this information I got in an email. Explaining what I'd done wrong, from her point of view. Haven't heard from her since, and I'm not sure I care to.

How'd the study session at Denny's go?

It didn't. I fell asleep after dinner with my ex and him trying to get my shoulder back in socket.


Man, if Tish is overreacting to a playful banter, you are better off, hon.

Basically what I was thinking.

P. S. I'm going out tonight, don't wait up.

Um, okay?

Didn't know I was supposed to wait up for you?

have fun?

Sorry, didn't mean it literally, just something to say.

Anyway no big deal, back to hex and bi.

he he you said bi.

I am busy redoing my nails and fixing my face so I am not so old looking.

Tuesday is Rosh Hashanah! AWESOME!

Hey, Jer, you doing gaming night tonight? May I join you guys?

Wish you'd asked earlier in the week. You'd be welcome at the table, but the consensus is that we need to have a character for you to play (which I'd be more than happy to help you do) so that you'd be more involved in the game. I'm leaving in 30 minutes, so I don't have time to do it now. Call me during this week, and we can get together and build you characters so next time you can.

Really wish you'd said something earlier.

Remember posting times are all Californian!

Dude, I told you last Friday. Not my fault you keep friggin forgetting.

Slept since then. Sorry I sounded so short earlier, I've had a lot of things on my mind this week. Didn't realize you'd sent a text until we packed up for the night.

I've had a lot on my mind. If you want to go next week, call me sometime and we can knock up a character for you to play to see if you like it. All it takes is a little time and effort.

I'm going to pass out now. Talk to you later.

Forget it.


Apparently your only excuse for anything I have ever tried to plan with you, be it church or the stupid gaming night has been, "Slept since then".


So no. I will not be making any plans to hang out with you anymore.

Because I sleep also, but I never forget my plans I make.

Make another lame ass excuse again and I will just go ahead and cancel on everything.

Enjoy your sleep.


Hope you don't forget anything during it, like calling your mother....

You text me after gaming would have started last week, and said I should have invited you when we canceled because we were short one. That's the first time you'd mentioned it in a month or more. Then I don't hear from you for the entire week, except on the forums and you don't mention it there either. A call every once in a while wouldn't be amiss. Do you even know where the gaming folders I gave you are? I tried for a couple of weeks to help you build a character, and familiarize you with the game, but all you wanted to do was talk about the relationship you were in at the time. I may not be assertive enough to talk over you to get my point across, but it would have been nice for you to show some interest when it didn't involve trying to make me feel sorry for you.


Hope things work out for you!



No hard feelings though. Feel free to call me if you still want a ride to the airport.

I spoke with you, oh, the Friday I asked you how gaming night went and you said it had been cancelled.

It is obvious that you could care less if I join, because you would have made an effort too.

Especially seeing as how I am hurting in school, you seem to think that the game is in my list of top priorities.

I have texted you throughout the week. Apparently you don't remember that. You know, the day of my exam, various points during class, etc.

But whatever.

I finally relocated my shoulder and am very happy cause now I was able to do laundry cause I could finally pick up my basket.

Shane says hi. You know, my ex? We still hang out and he doesn't forget when I ask him something a week in advance and then he goes and sleeps between then and now. Hm.

See, Shane and I? When someon e asks us if we are free to do something a day, a week, or a month in advance, we remember. If we know we will forget, we right it down. But we don't blame us forgetting on "sleeping since then". If we forgot, we straight say, "Sh!t, I'm sorry, I forgot."

Own up to your forgetting. You have done this more than once.

And when I have forgotten our plans, I tell you, "I'm so sorry, I forgot" but then I bust a$$ to get ready and get our plans done.

That is with School, Nicole, Yaniv, surrogacy and study all on my shoulders and in my brains. You? Are your days packed full of yummy forgetfulitis items?

I tried to be there for you and Bish (Sorry, old joke between Shane and I), but apparently I must have done something to make you guys separate? Don't worry, I am used to people blaming crap on me, I can take it.

I tried to be supportive of all your dates in fact.

And I even told you when you Phucked up when you went to Amber's (?) house.

Never once have I asked you or anyone to feel sorry for me. Mom taught me long ago that doesn't work. Trust.

The only time I would have expected a shoulder to lean on was when I lost Nicole.

I never expect it when I forget sh!t, nor when I politely remind you we forgot to do something.

BTW, I had texted you earlier than that. Cricket is communistic bastards, remember? Sometimes I get texts hours after sent, and apparently, so do you. So I try to remind you before you go, not my fault not all texts go through.

But whatever.

Who's the one having a private argument in public where others can take sides, instead of in person where only those involved are settling things?

I am glad to hear your arm is feeling better. It's also good to hear that Shane is there for you. Not something you ever felt I was good at.

Um, Shane has known me for a year and a half. We dated for 8 months. We are still best of friends. Of course he will be there for me, as I am there for him.

You have prior commitments. You have friends you have known longer than I.

You also didn't know Nicole that well. I would never lean on you about things involving her. You only hung out with her a few times. You didn't get to know her like the members of my church or my temple or Shane.

And then, there are somethings that are not quite appropriate to tell you.

Remember how I told you I keep certain things for certain friends and I try my best not to get everyone involved? See, there are somethings that Shane is good at that I can trust him with that you will not be comfortable with or could possibly destroy what friendship we do have.

But whatever makes you happy. You want to be there for me? You want to be involved like Shane? Be prepared to meet the ugly side of me. If you think my road rage is bad, you have not seen the vicious and attacking side of me. I know how to hurt with just words. That is why I save the raw anger I have for when I am with Shane. He knows how to deflect and he knows when my words are just meant to sting and take the hate out of me and I am not meaning to actually hurt him.

You, my dear, have not known me long enough to know when I am just trying to get the anger and evil out. Ever notice how I try to show you only the more gentle side of me? That even in my anger you have never heard the more dangerous part of me come out? The more vicious and hateful?

You want to have this in person? This conversation? Then pick up the damn phone and call. I am usually the one making the first effort. I am usually the one saying hi first.


I have tried to coach you through dating. I have tried to help you make the best first impression, I have been there to answer your questions about anything and school you in the no-no's of dating single parents.

What more could you want from me?

You want to be there for me? You want to be in Shane's place?

I am saying this here for all to know. There is a reason I stay single. Few can handle me by themselves. And I choose to make it that way. I am not doing to another child what happened to Nicole. I am not losing another child like I was forced to do with Katy.

Therefore, the few people that can handle me and not get upset or scared are the ones that I keep close to my heart and my side and I would bend over backwards and walk on fire for.

Shane is one of them. You want to be included? Just say the word and the initiation into my circle will commence.

BTW, Shane has to hear about my various outings too. Don't think you are alone in this. Only he knows why I am the way I am. You don't. Maybe that is why you are so confused. maybe that is why you don't quite understand why I keep you at a safe distance. Maybe you and Shane should go have lunch. Talk about geeky stuff together. He will let you know what it is like to be a part of my life.

Maybe then you will also learn about the hell I have dealt with my entire life and then not be so upset when I do not come to you about certain things.


Your choice. I am going to finish putting away my laundry and make a quick snack while waiting for my soulmate to show up and forget I don't speak Hebrew and draw me funny pictures and tell me about how mean I was to leave her with her father and how badly she wants to come back to Kansas.

Then I get to sit and take it while the lovely ex husband reminds me why everything is my fault and that I am just a piece of sh!t and a bad parent.

Want to walk in my shoes for a day?

Maybe I will call both sets of parents in front of you sometime too. See how you can handle them.

You have gotten more attention from me than most my friends. Including the ones I have known and loved since I was 13.

Be happy.

I called. Didn't realize what time it was.