Tex, I think you've had a lot of wonderful suggestions here. I, too, am
divorced. But a month after our divorce was final, my son's father was
diagnosed with pancreatic cancer; he passed away a year later. So,
things could be worse. You never know, your son's father may come
around some time in the future; my son's father can't.

I wish you all the luck in the world.

Tex, I have been there, as well. It is so difficult to know how to
broach the subject with your children in a way that will leave the least
scarring. It took me a very, very long time, but once I had done it, I
realized it was for the best. I only wish I had told them earlier. Now
is a good time to start discussing "daddy". I don't feel the need to
tell my kids that he isn't into parenting, but I let them know "daddy"
has some issues that make it difficult for him to be a good and
attentive dad now. I let them know this is in no way their fault, and
tell them one day he MAY come around, and allow them their questions and
opinions. I believe honesty is best, because no adult wants to learn
that everything they believed to be true in their childhood was nothing
more than a lie.

honesty is always the best no matter what

i agree with what the rest of theese guys are saying especially about
not bad mouthing the absent parent the older your son gets the more he
will learn on his own and draw his own conclusions my son is 18 now and
will ocassionally talk to his dad but has his own thoughts on the
subject and i never ever put his father down no matter how hard it was
and how hard we struggled at times we always had "grandpa " and
"grandma" my sons father is really hurt cause my son will not call him
dad well he didn't earn that title

My ex-husband walked out of my daughter's life when she was 4 years old.
she hasn't seen him or spoken to him since. so, having been there and
done that, the most imortant advice i can give is to be honest. but,
keep in mind that at your son's age, he may not grasp the entire
situation. i agree that positive male role models are important. i
don't know where we would be with out my father. is there a grandfather
in your son's life? or even an uncle or close family friend.
explaining different family dynamics is tough with a 2 1/2 year old.
but, keep in mind that uncomditional love goed a long way. stay strong
and stay positive.

Bump

Im not sure if this would help you and telling your child about his
dad..The movie " Miss Doubtfire" at the end Robin Williams talks about
Mommys and daddys not both being with them together...I though he did a
great job explaining it..and made it where a child can understand it..If
you have not seen it..get it and look for yourself..I think it may give
you a few idea's on how to tell them both parents love them, but can not
always be together..Just an idea...for what its worth..Every child
desirves to know about their parents... Bad or Good..I was raised by my
mom and never got to see my father..so i can relate to him... NUFF SAID!

Texokie, I too am a single parent. My daughter's father lived 2 lives.
He was married and lied to me. He is not in my child's life by choice
and because now he is forbidden by the courts. I say let the child know
that he has a father but you dont know where he is. That is all he can
handle at this age. Then go to court and sue him for support. He will
still owe even if they cant find him. Dont let the father off lightly.
The child deserves, is entitled and should get what is due him. May God
bless him and you. My prayers for you both.

Tex, i know what you are going through. I have a 4yrs old son and his
dad does not visit him either. He accepted being a dad but does not come
around very often. At first my son used to ask about him. But now
nothing. Kids are very smart these days. They know more than you think.
They understand more that we give them credit for. He knows who is dad
is but that is about it. You might as well say i'm raising him by
myself. If he is asking questions just tell him the truth. If you don't
he could end up resenting you for it. It's just the 2 of you, keep that
bond strong. Good luck to you.

well my father left when i was onley 2months old! still don't know him
2-day but thankfully my step father has always been in my life and i
look at him as my real dad- we even 4-get he's not my real dad! i grew
up thanking it was my moms falt the reason why he left untill i grew up
and then she reaveled to me the truth why he in fact left! be honest
with him and love him! my husband left me and i have a 7month old
daughter and i know it will be hard because i dont want her to blam me
for him being gone! but i plan to tell her the truth and not cut her
father down to her because one day she may want to find him and i want
to her to not blam eather party's! sorry I can't help more!
vanessa

He does have a father, and tell him that when its age appropriate,
Some dads just cant be fathers... No sugar coating, Its sad that some
dads are like that I really feel for you. On the other hand its sadder
when mom make it so hard for dads that wanna be good fathers...

My son's father is on again off again and sometimes doesn't see him for
months at a time.He's six and misses his Dad but I just say that his Dad
loves him but chooses not to visit right now.
I hope you are getting child support from this man.Even though you may
not want the money ,it is for your son.Good Luck to you.single
parenthood isnt easy but it sure is rewarding.

my daughter is 6 she met her real father for the first time a month
ago..
he left when i was 3 months pregnant.. she started asking questions when
she was bout 3 .. so i just showed her his picture gave her his name and
told her he had something he needed to do..

found out later his family had been telling him lies.. said i didnt want
him around and that i said the baby wasnt his.. he didnt question it..
but now he knows different.. i never told my daughter a bad thing about
her father.. its not up to us to make up their minds about someone they
dont know..


they are now getting to know each other.. just let him know that you
love him and that is what matters right now.. never tell him anything
bad.. if by somechance is father does show up.. give it a chance unless
he's like really heavy into bad things.. or abusive.. if not.. see what
happens.. always good for a child to know their bioligical parents.. and
even if things dont work out.. have him keep in touch if he ever shows
up.. that way if something happens and you need him for medical
reasons.. you can reach him

This just goes to show that not ALL MEN make decent fathers. In their
life or NOT. What do you say to your youngin? Tell him the truth. Its
that simple.

He is not going to understand too much at that young age.

Simplicity is best initially. As he gets older give him a little more
info that is age appropriate. Be honest.

I agree pucks keep it age apprperiate

you simply tell him the truth, that he has a daddy but you and his daddy
had some problems and so his daddy moved or something like that lol..
kids can handle it much better than you think

I'm a single mother of 9. Have a few fathers for them. Long story. Plain
fact is I never belittled their fathers. My children knew their fathers
weren't around. They always know who was there for them.

At your son's age he really doesn't have comprehension of a family unit.
He just knows there are mommies and daddies. The concept of why is out
of his grasp.

Never lying is a great thing. Explaining when he's older that Dad just
isn't around is good. No excuses. No blaming. No bad mouthing. He will
realize what's up soon enough. All mine did. I didn't have to say
anything negative about them. They made that formation of thought on
their own.


You've received a lot of great advice. I am lucky enough to be dating a
wonderful man who treats my girls as his own. He gives them the love and
affection they need from a father figure. I was adopted so I also have a
different viewpoint on "who" the "real" father is.

You will be fine. Just follow what your heart tells you to say and you
can't go wrong.

my son is 10 and when he started kindergarten and noticed dads were
picking up there kids he started asking where his was. I left his father
when i was pregnant with him for very serious reasons. He is mentally
ill and didnt want my son around that so the best thing I could do for
my son was leave him. Anyway, he asks all the time and even cries about
it. It breaks my heart but I did tell him his dad was sick and wouldn't
take his medicine so I couldn't be with him. And told him when he is
older and he wants to meet him or find him then I would help him. Thats
all I can do. I didn't go into great detail cause he is young and he
wouldn't understand any of it and I don't want his dad pictured in his
mind as a bad guy. I think he can find that out on his own when he is
older..... Goodluck, I know how hard it is.

i have raised my girls since they were 2&3.. it is hard at first but
everything gets better.. trust me..