That's a great way to put it..here trying to decide if you want to go through it again..

I'm a huge poetry buff and new to the site so finding this message board is awesome for me :)

I was trying to reply to those who have had no replies because I know how that feels.
I'd like to give you some advice someone most recently gave me (and I'm trying hard at it..lol). I was told I use a lot of metaphors and bare graze the surface of what I'm feeling or the feelings I had instead of pouring it all on paper.
Its hard for me because that is like knocking down a security wall and letting anyone in that reads my writing. But I started with a biography poem that took me weeks to finish because I would only work on it one or two stanzas at a time because it took me that long to really get out what I felt about that stage in my life, not to cover it up with metaphors and other previous things I had used.

I would love to see this poem 'decoded' to see what you are or were truly feeling.. just spell it out. Obviously there was deceit and pain and hurt.. but from what?
Either way it's your writing.. just a suggestion that, I can say from personal experience, is difficult but does help, especially if you are using poetry to heal.

Laura

This is really sweet... very much a 'clean' love which appears to not have been tarnished or strained.
I would love to see it in stanza form so that I could see where one thought starts and ends..

If you wrote it for someone, you should share it.. It's beautiful.

I try to burn and bury you
your silence destorys, if you only knew
Rip you out of my soul, shred
Its your fault and how you’re bred
self-serving and self-idolizing prick
true emotions you can only memick
well guess what? Jokes on you
Because feelings I can still feel true
and your lies, they accrue
people can see, they view
Your facet they’ll see through
And all that will be left of you
Is a photo of a boy in lieu
of a man someone once knew
Better start crying, weeping
Falling on your knees receiving
While everyone else is leaving
You’ll be stuck griefing
One day you’ll understand
When you’re alone and can’t command
For another’s love, company
One day you’re long for a family
Something more than mere vanity
and yet all you can offer is insanity
For your actions won’t go unnoticed
and your happiness might be hopeless
And though it isn’t my true motive
Advising you of your fate is a bonus
Because you brought about my lowest
But I’m more than just broken

1/2/15

1/4/15

You think i’m so plain to see
you think you know me
Do I fulfill your preconceptions? Please!
You know absolutely nothing about me

Hell, i don’t know even know me
Sometimes I scream I’m no toy
But truthfully I don’t know if I can handle more
Can I even love or be loved anymore?

My emotions and temperament run free
I have no control over things such as these
I just want to be happy, feel safe
Is it to much to want to be secure?
In oneself, in another, in this world?
What is this life anymore?

Is it some random series of events
Followed by tears, regret and pain?
neatly disorganized segments
Of a life where trials have only stained?

Despite my neverending effort
Maybe it’s not up to me at all
a chance for this life to be better
and my efforts have that only stalled

A toy it seems I shall only be
Today, this is my decree
I can not argue nor do I agree
But this, well, this is me

Poetry can mean many different things to me. I write to keep from hitting people (anger), I write to keep from expressing myself (letting others in) and I write just for me.. just because i'm good at it and it reminds me of worth at times when I don't always feel of worth.

I love Poe and Thoreau and Whitman and even some of the early 1100's poetry by chinese women ( the name escapes me) that talk about oppression and sufferage. I'm not all that picky about poetry, I just don't like happy, go-lucky stuff where a writer seems to only see the word through fake googles of deception.

My muse can be my daughter, a break up, my horrible 10 year marriage seems to be a great muse and writing as helped me remember who I am through that and helped me forgive, grow and learn. But one day a stopper from starbucks was my muse and I used it as a metaphor about how we look and perceive things and how those are two totally different things.