The ember

Of a life once tried

The December

Of each time you lied


Leaving your soul

Upon each step

Of the one .. below

Your most recent depth


And you learned not a bit

From each try

Your soul .. slowly dismantled

To be dead is to die.


Vitsec.

I'm a huge poetry buff and new to the site so finding this message board is awesome for me :)

I was trying to reply to those who have had no replies because I know how that feels.
I'd like to give you some advice someone most recently gave me (and I'm trying hard at it..lol). I was told I use a lot of metaphors and bare graze the surface of what I'm feeling or the feelings I had instead of pouring it all on paper.
Its hard for me because that is like knocking down a security wall and letting anyone in that reads my writing. But I started with a biography poem that took me weeks to finish because I would only work on it one or two stanzas at a time because it took me that long to really get out what I felt about that stage in my life, not to cover it up with metaphors and other previous things I had used.

I would love to see this poem 'decoded' to see what you are or were truly feeling.. just spell it out. Obviously there was deceit and pain and hurt.. but from what?
Either way it's your writing.. just a suggestion that, I can say from personal experience, is difficult but does help, especially if you are using poetry to heal.

Laura

OMG!! and V, thank you for sharing another great write and I'm sorry for mucking up your thread!