Well it's that & moobs

You alone decided to be pregnant with a second guy's child before he commited to you in marriage. Now you have to live with the consequences alone. It sounds harsh but right now you don't need anyone candy coating things.

You are definitely in a tough spot because I believe you are being ridiculos to think either of these loosers are going to step up and be anything remotely close to someone worthy of loving, being a life partner, or a parent.

Saying that if someone loved you that they would accept and cope with this mess is streaching the truth a little bit; h-ll a lot. Even a well gounded, mature, and caring man would have a tough time copeing with such a complicated situation. You have betrayed, or at least ended, two relationships with a child involved at this point. Maybe that is your fault maybe it is not but that is what a guy has to deal with going in with you and your instant family. He is going to figure you will do the same to him. So he is going to take a while to develope a relationship if he has a brain in his head.

Right now you are scared, emotional, hormonal, desperate, and overwhelmed and I doubt could make a good choice in a man if your life depended on it. And believe me it might well depend on it. If you pick another bad one your children's lives might depend on it. That isn't picking on you personally at all. It is acknowledgeing you are in CRISIS. You have to THINK and ACT not Re-ACT. Comeing here is not a bad idea, friends can often have a cooler head.

While you are pregnant I would strongly urge you to acknowledge that your body/mind is already on overload and you probably are NOT going to be able to make good life decisions on your own. For that reason I would seek out a trusted older family member, or friend, or licensed agency to help you meet your families care needs while you are pregnant. Someone who is sober, stable, and does not have a vested interest in taking your child and infant are who I would recommend.

One of the best programs that I have seen Nationally is FAMILY PROMISE. You can look them up on the web. It is a comprehensive support program for family's with National oversite that protects you from being exploited. They will get you emergency shelter and then move you to permenant shelter. They can help you find daycare, employment, medical care, transportation, home furnishings, and education if you need it or hang on to what you have. There programs usually have highly skilled professionals and lay persons to help you and respect your dignity. Life will not instantly become easy but it will be more manageable. From the people I have met in the program they would be the person I would turn to in an emergency. With them you will see what real love and good family relationships are about.

That is not ruleing out adoption or foster care as an option for either or both children but you seem very impressionable and I would not like to see you bullied into anything because you are having such a tough time.

I hope you will be able to put your chin up, shoulders back, and remember that everyone can make choices in life that are not that well thought out but can be sorted out and re-directed to be good decisions.

That you want to find love and give love is not a bad thing. You just need to polish up your skills on finding someone worthy of your love and the privilege of being in your families life.

They are out there. Guys who want kids, even kids they haven't or can't father but they are few and far between and are not likely to fall in your lap without a great deal of searching and observing to see if they are the real deal and You are the real deal.

You probably have some serious alone time ahead of you and I wish I could reach through this computer and hug you because I know how that feels. But I promise it won't kill you and the time will pass quicker if you just let it happen.

Good luck. Sending you prayers.

I give these to myself.....because I love lilacs (hint, hint).....and because gosh dangit!!....I deserve them!!!

Well...on a positive note...it's better than attempted scissor holds by one-legged women.



Because that would be called an azz kickin'