hi and welcome

Hello

There are many outstanding young adults out there that have their sheet together. They have.completed degrees or training and are paying their bills and holding down jobs and have pretty good outlooks on life obut that doesn't mean I want to date them

I Believe Age Doesn't Define Maturity .....

whats the difference between a weed and a flower

your out look

my answer to your 2nd Que is why

Just because you have control over your actions and your feelings does not mean you have that control over others.

For example You can't make someone love you or make them believe you love them if they don't want to.

Vows are only as good as the intent and follow through of the people making them. If one drops out then you only have the vows you made to yourself.

To often people think they can just keep a relationship going by holding up their side and it is with at some point a straw "man" and you have to face facts.

Something in particular to watch out for, OP, which a LOT of us will fall to trying from time to time.

That is, finding we are unhappy with how things are going with someone we desire more from, so we look for grand scale "principles" or ideals to appeal to, as a way to try to guilt-trip them into acting as we want them to, instead of recognizing that they just aren't in to us as much as we wish they were.

It NEVER works.

If you find yourself calling for someone to set aside their concerns about this or that, in the name of the ideals of love, what you are usually ACTUALLY doing, is refusing to listen to them as they explain why they can't accept what you are offering to them.

As some might say, if you have to debate them into making an effort to get along with you, it means they just aren't that into you to begin with.

Sorry.

No, it is not as simple as Ego being "bad."

You have to BE a specific person, in order for someone to even HAVE a real relationship with you.

What I mean by that is, that if you set no boundaries, hold to no standards, and instead continuously adjust yourself to try to cater to other peoples' whims, they wont be able to figure out who you are, much less be able to rely on you emotionall



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This is so true in the ptesent society however isnt it the the standards that freds the ego. And by saying real relationship you define by society standard what constitute relationship. Why cant we each define what rrlationship is when everyone is hopelrssly uniuqe. Then when we find someone with the same or similar definition then thats the mingle perfect match up. Problem again is that we try to define relationship as close to the society standard and not as a uniuqe person thus the other parties have to gurese whats up deep within.

My why do you have to make it too difficult for me babe

Sure.
You can make vows.
It's called communicating how you feel and being consistent and honest with your expression of them.

Or are you asking "before the wedding ceremony are there supposed to be any rituals we go through where we publicly make declarations of our intent and commitment? Are we supposed to sit down and hand someone a poetic contract binding our behavior legally?"

No. You can. But it wouldn't be all that smart to do so.


Good god I hope not.
"See what happen along the way?"
It's like you're saying a relationship is something that happens to you, and if you don't get a constant good feeling then something must be wrong so you better get out of there or something.

And all the time you need to sit there with a social facade on your face just to get along nicely, avoiding conflict and honest emotional expression.


You mean is it just instinctively lashing out that causes so much hurt?
Sometimes.

But sometimes people are actually trying to learn and understand and figure out their surroundings and the people in it. Sometimes just to figure out how to plan their day.

Sometimes hurt is simply caused by new information that contradicts the old. e.g. you think they're faithful, their behavior proves they aren't, that behavior has been consistent, but you've been deluding yourself and not seeing it, rationalizing it away, therefore the relationship isn't what you thought it was.


Is happiness inversely proportional to self worth?
It can be.
If you hate yourself, then the smallest joys can feel magnificent, even though in a person with "normal" ego would feel the joy in a normal way, therefore less incredible than the person with smaller ego.

Although, it might take a lot more work to get through the constant push to prove a lack of self worth in order to feel the littlest amount of joy. Some people with small ego's (as defined by the OP) will sabotage feeling joy in order to try and maintain their small ego.


http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/how-to-be-happy/art-20045714

There's a start.

Of course but I have seen many do this..in order to please a high maintainence person they run around like chicken with head cut off fetching whatever it is she points to next and somehow. convince themselves that this is love

So much.of this depends on kind of person you become involved with yes? Givers and takers in this world of ours