Hey, I just need to write out some thoughts. I don't really care if i get feedback or not, and this place is open just for others to vent out stuff they need to also.

You see I suffer from anxiety, I have since my mid teens. I have a decent handle on it and cope without needing to medicate for it. It hits me when things are in transition. The best I can describe it is; I worry about the coming summer during winter, and I worry about the coming winter during summer. It is not an everyday struggle, but the days it does loom over me i just need to vent it out.

Next week my next semester starts and so it has stuck me once again. I'm uncomfortable in my own skin yet again. Worrying about things I shouldn't, but I can't help myself. My runs its course when this hits I just try to relax and ride along till I can get it to pass. I typically beat it easily with distraction, but not having anybody to talk to here (visiting my parents in a different state) finding the easy distraction of conversation is difficult. I feel like I want to pull away, run away with nowhere to go.

Alright ... that got a bit of the burden off of my chest. Odd sometimes how it is so much easier to just vent out to strangers even though i don't know who might read this or what they may think. hrm...

So what's bothering you?

This is why i write, for others who can identify with me.


thank you all for the support

how are you tonight

sweet dreams

not currently in the mood i was when i wrote this. and often times i'm not in the mood of my works, this particular one I was though.

evening

- For the BLLs
- for the Beardies

Used
Bruised
Hated
Fated
Alone
On my own.

Placed
Maced
Ignored
Bored
Alone
On my own.

Wept
Slept
Teased
Seized
Alone
On my own.

-----------------------------------------------
Notes: Written as an away message.
I'm thinking of adding more verses.

evening singme

i'm headed to bed i'm tired and cranky bleh

I am. You see at present i know i'm better than those shallow close minded people but i am still affected at times by insults. now i'm not saying i was being insulted by her i'm just saying that's how it sounded. never mind.

it is totally official i'm in the fan club i totally favorited you

Wow...lucky horse

no no you want graphic be here when one or 5 are going on at once...

Yes yes I get all of this, what i was wondering was I being over sensitive reading it the way i did.

Well have you ever gone bareback riding? It's sorta like that with more beard involved...

Well i don't know your physical size but being a fat guy i can tell you it appratently means a lot to a lot of people. I'm not saying it should but i've been told it is a problem for others...in no uncertain terms.

okay question: Am I being over sensitive or does this come across to anyone else like i'm too big to be attractive?

[EDIT]...[/EDIT]

it was not a normal x-mas cause the whole family was seperated we didn't celebrate till like the 28th

I'm intimidating? I've been told i could never be a bouncer cause i look too much like a nice guy lol

It was not a normal christmas at all for me so it was a little dissapointing but i got time with my family a few days after so i guess that is all that truely matters.