I'll be wearing a kilt of my family tartan and my claymore with it.

Care to elaborate?

Thank you.

I'd say more but I think I gave my brain a hernia today in the "Insecurities" thread...

I got nothin to add.

That's exactly what I wonder...

Valkyrie!

Grrness...

Damn, I was hoping this was a murder mystery!

God... you are me... six years ago... ALL of it. Every bit. (Except the engagement...)

You and me, we gotta talk, babe...

AAAND here we go again!



Therein lies the first step. I'm still doing it, for the two things I named in my TP. Someday I'll get to "approaching a male".

OK, this one's gonna have to be broken up a bit...



A natural smile comes from being naturally happy. Fine your joy, and your smile will happen.

My weight is an issue for me, too. I decided to look at what I consume the most often that's bad for me, and cut ALL of it out except for one thing: pop. I kept the pop both because I wanted to (let's be honest here,) and because if you deprive yourself of everything, you'll never be able to maintain a good diet. The pop is my way of staying sane. I also walk a lot. If I'm going somewhere close, I walk.

It's all in the choices we make, day to day. One day at a time.

My stepfather called me a fata**. Didn't help that my big sister was blonde, skinny and beautiful. But you know what's funny? When we grew up she told me she was jealous of me... because I could make friends so much easier than she could.

Look at yourself in a new and different way. What are you good at? What do you enjoy? Focus on that, and your confidence will skyrocket.

Oh and your ex? She's a bi**. That is all.



Don't worry about the length, babe. You needed to write that out. That's why I started this thread.

In the end, it sounds like you just need to find your passions and do them. Whatever it takes, be happy with YOUR life, then you will find someone to share it WITH you.



Southern?

Awesome to hear it's getting better! Yeah, it's day to day isn't it? And when that time of the month comes around, it can SERIOUSLY make us feel like two steps forward and three steps back.



Confidence IS sexy! And it feels great!

Hey, LadyWolf:



YOU rock!!!!!!



That is a great thing your mother taught you. It's sad that we compare ourselves to others, but the bottom line is this: if they seem happier than we are, then they must have something we don't... and physicality is the VERY easiest thing to grasp and hold on to.

My mother told me every day that I was beautiful and special and wonderful and smart. It's the only reason I didn't end it all as a teenager when my stepfather was telling me the complete opposite.

We all need to be reminded sometimes that we are beautiful.

Neither, Lion.

FRIED noodles with SHRIMP!

Hello hello! Back again I am! With NOODLES!

Yes, we exist. Much like Bigfoot and aliens.






















What?

We all compare current relationships to past ones. The healthy way to do this is to learn from our mistakes. The unheathy way is to allow it to come between you and her. Chose the healthy route.

The job loss thing isn't a personal issue, it's a major economic issue. MANY people have no jobs, including me, and so many of us should have a job, meaning we have skills and brains and will to work, but... So if anyone can use that against you, she doesn't understand the world at. all.

As for being afraid of getting a new job, I'm with ya there. I SO fit in at my old school where I taught. It was awesome. But then I had to leave because the commute was FAR too far. And I got a new job where I was NOT AT ALL "in"... the entire time I worked there. It was almost a relief when I was let go.

Course, that set my current course of going to school so I can teach in public school. All things can be used for good.



Agreed! But at least we have to dress in a non-slutty way, right?

There's always a cure, but 99% of the time it includes the fear itself. Like, OK, we all know that inoculations are actually a tiny part of the disease itself, which gives your immune system the ability to learn how to fight it off (which is why I don't sanitize my kids' whole world, but I digress). This is the same. You have to "medicate" yourself with bits of what scares you, bit by bit, before you're no longer afraid.

My friend Randy told me the way he got over the fear of talking to pretty girls was by going up to every girl he thought was pretty in the mall and saying hi. Now, most can't take THAT big a dose, but you get the idea.



I'll give you that. Wholeheartedly. Sad thing is, so many people don't even realize that, which is a big part of the problem.



See, not me. I see a cougar as an older woman who is secure in her sexuality and femininity. An older woman who is strong and confident. THAT'S what the younger men like about them. She may or may not take advantage of that interest, but it's who she is, not what she wants.

How did you stop? Was it really that easy? Cuz I've been working on it for almost a decade now. With great results, but it's been far from easy.



That's how I got over my ADHD. Never took meds, just learned how to use it to my advantage. MAJOR props babe.

Studying about sex? Yeah... I've done that too. It helps a lot in the sexual insecurity department, even physicality. I may not have a rockin body, but I can give you a blowjob that'll make you cry tears of joy!

I shave. A lot.



What's your definition of cougar?

I agree with your first paragraph. That was a major turning point for me, too, to see the world in a bigger way. Sadly, it took me a LOT longer after high school than right away, as I married right out the shoot and lived in a bubble world of church and family for YEARS. And yes, the women of the church DO look at you hard enough to judge. Harshly and without mercy.

But for about the last 6 years or so, I've been out in the world, learning, growing, and seeing myself for who I really am... without the funhouse mirror that I looked into for years.

Your second paragraph, however, I do not agree with. When insecurities are real, they are quite the opposite of egotism. I agree that some can use them to gain attention, but most insecure people don't WANT attention. It's the very last thing they want.

Txs, we're talking about all kinds. That's why I gave my two biggest in physical and "other".

I agree with this, as I said above, for myself. But it's not that easy. It can take time and work... and some never do get over them.



I have that issue too, babe. It goes hand in hand with my need to automatically KNOW everything already. Why do we do that to ourselves? I mean, naturally we're NOT going to know everything and be able to do everything for ourselves. Right?



Insecurities do help us to better ourselves, IF we use them that way. Unfortunately, Biker is right in that too many people use them as excuses to b**ch and whine and complain about their sh** lives.

They do, however, keep people from being egotistical, which is always good. However, I think a happy medium needs to be struck here. Nobody likes a whiner, nor does anyone like an egotist...

GOD you guys are fast!



Not necessarily. I'm way insecure but I'm FAR less so than I used to be. The old me would have been terrified of who I am now and the things I take as a matter of course. And every day I work on losing more and more insecurities. I'm not insecure because I WANT to be... I am because I am. But it can be fixed. Every time I think I can't do something, I look back at who I used to be and what I used to be afraid of, and I know I can do that, too.

You know the song "All Star"? Read the lyrics. That's how I live my life now. Anything less is simple existence. I want more than that.



You don't have to hon. This is supposed to be about healing, not pain-inflicting.

If it helps, I was raised being told every day that I was worthless and crazy. We all of us have our skeletons.



Hi justaguy! *Flying hug* Your insecurity about talking to women? Same here, only guys. I have SO much in my head that it never comes out right when I try to say it. I've never been the kind of person who can just go up to a guy and talk and flirt and be all shallow, but you have to be in the initial conversation. I can't... I always make it way more deep and difficult than it has to be. *Sigh*

Ya ever get this when ya talk to people? I think it's permanently burned into my retinas.



I don't know if it's about material things for many of us. I'm thinking it's way more about our interactions with others... or lack thereof. And why that is.

WHEW! OK...



Thank you for posting that babe. It's so much easier for us ladies when we know we're not alone in these things.

And last I checked, a lot of girls like the big boys.



Thank you Chrissy! That is SUCH a compliment. And you can call me Jessi. Now we've met officially!

You Do realize the 40s are the cougar decade, right? And now you're free to do that! W00t! Cougars wouldn't be so sexy to men if they weren't older... that's the point, right?



God, me too! Ya know what helped that a lot? A mixture of teaching teenagers and singing karaoke. Both of which have happened SINCE my divorce.

Sometimes we just gotta be shoved out of our comfort zone in order to widen it.



Ah, Lady! Another Cougar! Y'all should start a Cougar thread. That may help your self esteem LOTS!