Thanks all....we are leaving the site and many of the other sites one or the other of us has been on, as it has been getting in the way of trust....and who needs that at the start of a young, serious relationship.

Just back in briefly because I wanted to respond to trace's thread.

Be well.


Love & Light~

angelfire

I'm crumbling, dying inside
Visualize my heart crystalizing
and drying up,
blood red, maroon. Tinged with with powdery white edges.

Your deceit sucks the lifeblood from my veins
No more oxygen left
to keep hope alive
expiring, dead - on the cold pavement called my life.

In the beginning, innocence and purity
Joy and abandon
Youth at its tender best,
like the delicate calla lily

Soon, oh too soon,
the blood of blight - of our grace,
dark drops stain that fragile lily

All is gone. Lost forever.
Because of the "novelty of it all".
I had to ask him....was it worth it. Is it still?

People and years blend into each other.
Who was who, what was what.
It doesn't really matter.
Does it.

Pain only remains
in the place that once was ours
and ours alone

Firey passion, love spirit fierce
gone in the blink of an eye
a batted eyelash....or two

For what?
Novelty, an ego boost, Posterity?

Yes, I know it feels good
to be flashed a beautiful white smile
touch silky, new hair
hear a different laugh

feel a different body under yours....

The tears fall freely down my cheek, snot runs from my nose
Knot in my throat,eyes rimmed red
hands shake

like I'm an addict in withdrawals....

This wasn't what I ever wanted for me. For you. For our family.

Took it. Made it what it was.
At least
my part in it all
.....Heartbreak, desperation

Fierce spirit broken
Inside, yet - the spine is always made of steel

She goes on. I go on.

You came into my life. Strong, different, comforting.
A stranger with no face. A voice in the night.
Love and belonging.
We couldn't get enough of each other.
A love affair that spanned years.
Love affair with a stranger.

But one who knows my soul, mind, body, and heart
more than anyone before and anyone yet to come....
if I ever let that happen.
Again.

Tears flow freely. Choking.
Choking on my breath.
Great gasps of air.

Thinking about all the losses, all the love lost in my life.

I let it happen. Cared too much. Feared too much.

Trusted, risked - gave you up for him.
Promises, facade of what I needed.
Faith and hope are gone.
No one to revive them.

Not even me this time.

Assurances. Promises. Assertions of fidelity.
Your love. Your passion. Your loyalty.

Was it? Is it? Time will tell.

Man who doesn't speak....

Meanwhile, the heart crumbles and
the spirit of what once was
....fades.

trust, long yearned for
often lost
pulled from my lungs with the violence of a tempest
batted around, to and fro
and left and right

trust

long yearned for
often lost
smashed into splinters with a broken word
gilded words mean nothing
anymore, anyway

trust

long yearned for
often lost
promises broken mean safety's gone
betrayed in spirit, crushed
heart and soul gave so much

trust

often lost
no longer yearned for....

trust, long yearned for
often lost
pulled from my lungs with the violence of a tempest
batted around, to and fro
and left and right

trust

long yearned for
often lost
smashed into splinters with a broken word
gilded words mean nothing
anymore, anyway

trust

long yearned for
often lost
promises broken mean safety's gone
betrayed in spirit, crushed
heart and soul gave so much

trust

often lost
no longer yearned for....

Eventually, they get buried alive by it.

Not everyone shows it the same way.

Some show it in their attitude towards the opposite sex. Those who "hate" men or women are easy to spot from miles away, in most cases.

Others are more subtle about it, cheating on everyone they form a relationship with. It is as if by hurting them, they vindicate themselves to those that they perceive have "damaged" them in the past.

They are not failures.

Sometimes relationships end because of the private reasons of only one of the individuals. It may be that the one left has been an exemplary partner and lover in every way, shape, and form - taken care of themselves, and kept themselves interesting.

One person usually gets left in any relationship. Most of the time, it is not a mutual decision, whether in thought or action. Being left, being rejected, is bound to create deep pain in one's heart and soul. It is enough to make some people physically sick. So, it is only natural that mistrust, resentment, and bitterness evolve as a result.

What matters is how long we hold on to these toxic feelings and allow them to poison our lives and the lives of others around us.

Being hateful, parsimonious, hurtful towards others only means that we are still angry about the love we had being lost. "Lost", because we cannot take love and hold it hostage. It can only be given by us. Being angry still, only means that we have not released our hold on that love that was not ours to keep hostage, anyway. It means we still love, even if it is not healthy for us. The opposite of love is not anger or hate, it is indifference.

We sometimes project our feelings about ourselves or a lost love object onto others that are reminders. And, other times, yes - we are bitter and envious of others. It becomes toxic if we allow it to fester and last a long time. It indicates a stunted emotional development at an earlier life stage. Then, the choice is ours whether we work on our own personal growth and development, or we remain stagnant and in forever despair.

~angelfire

Thanks again to those that welcomed me back under the new couple's profile.

Like Michael said, he isn't on the forums much anymore. I'll be here as much as I can, even though it is not my first "home".

~angelfire

You can say that again.

Thank you Feral and Fade....

Michael came to my defense, after I called him, upset again. This has been going on all over many of the forums for months now. Nothing has been done about it. We are real. We are two separate people. Our lifestyle is different than most here.

Live and Let Live.

~angelfire

Love you, Sir.

Happy for you.


And, it is.

'Splain, Lucy, please....'splain.

It's my regular screen ID....a shortened version, as giving the rest would compromise too much of my privacy.

But thanks! I love it.

Used angelindarkness during a "dark" period in my life.



Thank you kindly to all the well-wishers.

I'm sure those that profess to "know" that Michael and I are not a separate female and a separate male who found each other on this site will get a kick out of this one, huh.


Why is it so hard to believe that a female can think and feel the way I do. Where does anyone get off judging me, how I choose to live my life, or with who, as long as I do not hurt anyone else in the process.

Let's get back on track, please....

~angelfire

What do you mean?

lol

Here for the forums, as usual.

Mike will have to answer for himself, but he assures me that he isn't cybering or chatting anyone up romantically, here or anywhere else.


~angelfire

Thank you