I love thunderstorms..love sitting out and watching them rage on by. I love the smell of rain falling in the middle of the dark sky and seeing the lightening flash and the who world light up in a brief moment. It has not always been that way. I remember huddling in my bed when I was 8 or 9 after being woken up by a storm and being scared with every load thunderclap and shutting my eyes so that I would not see the flash of lightening ( which never worked). One day I realized that I could spend the rest of my life being scared of them or accept their existance and move forward. That day I was at a cross road. I could have the choice of two different directions and had to figure out which road to take and hope that that road will continue to lead me forward. Life gives you a bunch of crossroads. Decisions made that I have to accept the consequences as the road run forward . Am I supposed allow the fears of a previous life govern the decisions I will make for myself in the future. Situations are alwasy different...those people involved are usually new and different... their values are different. They are not like the people in the past and will not respond to similair situations like those in the past did. I am at at a crossroad...do I let my fears dictate how I am to move forward. Do I allow the hurt and pain and the faith that it will happen over and over again. Do I remain stuck in the hell of the yesteryear or move forward into the sunshine of the new day. Its time to take a step forward maybe with caution but still a step forward...for its not my wish to remain on the road that goes to nowhere ..alone and unhappy. I am at a crossroad...each direction has a lure for me...allow myself to see what is out there accepting the journey be solitary and feel OK with that ..or take the road that I know will be solitary and dwell in the memories of the past being scared of the thunderstorm that rushed over me like flames to a dry grassy field. I could take the road giving faith that people are all the same..out to better themselves at the expence of those people whose emotions that they tread on needlessly or with malicious intent or selfish desire or look at the road bearing Faith that there still good people..people who care.. who show concern for their fellowman. There is still good out there.. and love and happiness...I just need to find that road. I am at the crossroads.. choices to be made... I think I have found my road and so must let go of my fears and allow the thunderstorms rage around me and walk forward to the next crossroad knowing that what happens happens for a reason..that its God will that each experience is knowledge gained and lessons learned for that one true test that I must take down that road in order to find what I am looking for. No more must I live in the nightmeres of the past...but enjoy each step I take forward...even moments of fear can become moments of beauty and happiness and love..all it takes is faith that the road I must travel from this crossroad is the correct one...maybe its one I travel alone and maybe its one I will share...it does not matter for the thunderstorm is beautiful even alone...better when shared. I walk in the cave of lions and I will have no fear...only faith that its God's will that the road I must travel will lead me to the next crossroads...

I relocated for love and it lasted an additional 2 years. I wuld probably do it again too.

No i didnt see you playing with your dolls.

depends on what reason the ex is being called. I communicate with my former spouse because we share two young children and I live 1,200 miles away from them. I call on a set day to talk with them and we either communicate then about their affairs or email during the week.

Taurus

Its a cold harsh dating scene when you are over 30 and alone. You have to combat not only your own expectations but those of the people you are attracted to. You are not fighting your own stereotypes but those stereotypes of the people you are trying to date.

Its not fun trying to figure out where to go and meet people. Gone are those college and highschool social gatherings where you all get drunk and pair off. You are older now..wiser...not as interested in finding someone at the local bar or club and hope to hook up. You are actually trying to find someone to get to know and eventaully spend the rest of your life with. Dating seems to loose its luster for me. Its not fun having to go and meet people you have never met before using the computer dating site or some extravegant dating service where you have to actaully pay money to have them analyse you and pair you off with someone they feel best compliments you. First you have the really good looking people who tell you that they really want to meet you and get to know you and allow the relationship to flourish but alas...they are in Nigeria and need you to help them either by giving money or some other request as an indication of your sincerity to them and to the relationship. Or better yet, you first make contact with them and its over the phone and its not them who called you but their estranged husband who is calling you becuase their mutual child found your number in their mother's purse previously unused. The husband tells you that his wife sleeps around on him and will do it to you too and that you are sinnning before God by seeing his wife. Then you hear from her that they are not even legally separated as you had previously led to beleive and that he has his own room in the house with her. Or you meet someone and they are 10 years older then what they had led you to beleive. People wonder why I have lost faith in humanity..and with my own chances in finding love..after experiencing situations like this...Who wouldn't loose hope. it does not matter if you are the sweetest girl or the nicest guy...because of those lowdown dirty people who want to use and abuse and take advantage of sweet innocent victims..those hurt innocents are no longer have the faith in love...pure and true love. They are damaged...used and whats left is a shell of their former innner beauty. What would have attracted you to them is shattered within them ...gone ...lost...and can not be returned.

Its hard to look at a book without judging its cover when you are looking for love. People always write that its not the appearance of the person but who they are inside. Its true that you should look at what qualities a person has...what moral values they possess what ambition and motivation they can produce to get what they truly want. But there has to be some type of attraction too...to make the difference between being friends and lovers doesn't there??. You have to be attracted to the person don't you...find them to be desireable physically as well as their moral and intellectual make up. Is it wrong to view a person and hope that there is some spark some interest some physical attraction without being labeled a pervert or a superficial freak or just a typical man or woman who wants to find that perfect specimen of hotness in the opposite sex.. How do you balance all this... how do you find a physical quality in a person that attracts you to them without sounding like a lowlife pig.

I guess i need to evaluate what I am looking for in a person because the social dating scene when you are over 30 is not working for me. Its just a jungle out there and there are a lot of sharks waiting to chew you up and spit you out without a backwards glance. I am looking for someone I find attractive. I want someone who is able to keep up with me if not challange me both physically and mentally. I am looking for someone who accepts that I have children and knows that my children are important to me and i have a role of being daddy to them a role I do not necessarily have to do every day but I do have a responsibility to my children. I want soemone who is interested in sports and has a a team or teams to root for even if those teams do not match up with my own. I want someone who has her won ambition and motivation inher career aspriations separate from my own. I want someone who get IT...who has figured out her life ,realizes what responsibilities she has in that life and figured out a way to cover those responsibilities and has her life on an even keel and she does not need me to steady herself in her own life. I want to complement her life not make or break her life with my existance. I do not want a one night stand or even friends with benefits. A life shared forever is far more appealing experience even right now it is but a dream..a far off dream than one spent alone which is my every day reality.

Each date I go on, I go with less and less desire realizing more and more the fear that there is no one left for me. Hope is waning and my faith is dying. Dating itself is no fun..just a continuous meat market when I fail to impress or my expectations are not equally met. I strongly beleive that each relationship that you experience gives you more information about yourself and who you are looking for when you finally find love abound. Each relationship is a stepping stone to your one true love...the one you are going to spend the rest of your life with. Yet each time I go on a date it is with increasing trepedation and with half hearted desire. I hear from people" Don't give up..have faith...she is out there..and more and more I am beleiving that she is no longer there...waiting...hoping...She is gone...why put yourself out when doing so only brings you sadness and dissapointment. I truly beleived at one recent time that I needed someone to share my life with and as time passes I am beginning to realize that my fate may be to go it alone. to much hurt to much sadness to much disappointment...no interest in those who are interested by me and those I am interested in have no interest in me..Its a cold harsh dating scene out there when you are over 30.

thanks...

does anyone know who does the opening music theme to the TV series The Deadzone on USA starring Anthony michael hall. Thanks

I am not so sure that I will ever date again but I know that I can not say that I will be alone from here on out for the rest of my life. Maybe I am more ready to take on those special things involved in a relationship then I think I am ..maybe seeing the right person or a person at the right time will be all it takes. I do not expect that my Love will show up but who knows..maybe I will meet her tomorrow. Maybe I met her yesterday. There are no absolutes in Life..and I will not completely turn my back on the potential of what could be based on my own assessments of what I expect to be. .. Some people around me say that they found whom they were looking for and they somehow ruined their chance at happiness and love because now they are so alone..so heartbroken and so sad...Their one true love..their soul mate is gone...that one chance they receive in life..for the special person that was meant to be there for them...is now lost. I am confused..how can you say that..how can you say you will never meet that person becuase the person you thought was that person has walked away from you. Maybe that relationship was meant only as a stepping stone to that special life lasting relationship you were meant to share in. Its funny how things you do not expect to happen can happen and immediatelty influence how you might think about your life and where you are going. The road constantly shifts. Such minor things as a new job, a promotion, a person you just met at the grocery store or at some outing you did not expect to be going to. A couple weeks ago I felt it important to move away and be closer to my girls...Now I am not so sure...its still important for me to be close to them but its not an absolute...It was easy to say that then...no true friends...no relationships...work could be done elsewhere as it could be here...but then things change...something in the water some might say...You can not hope to be able to predict what might happen or what you perceive will happen in the future becuase you do not know what crazy changes life may throw at you...its one thing to believe that you will never move forward and meet that person and another to say that you will be on your own the rest of your life with no true chance at finding your soul mate or one true love. There is still hope..life's little randomizations still to filter through and make its presense known..like small stones creating an avalanche..or a pebble thrown into a lake creating a ripple that slowly expends outward creating larger and large shockwaves affecting the shore line..much like the wake of waves from a motorboat affecting the beach.. so to may your life change. There are no absolutes in life...please do not place them in yours...you may turn blind eye to what was meant for you right from the start the very reason why you went through to get to that point.. There is still hope...all you need is faith that if it is meant to be that your paths will cross.. and will cross Soon.

welcome fellow newbie...

krull was awesome...even if it came out in 1984...is till have my copy of it and watch it occasionally

coming from Portland Maine...yeah thats pretty far south..TX that a bit south a nd a bit west....near Mexico right..LOL...thats a trip too

I live about 30 miles north of Atlanta...I love the climate and am not so hot on sweet tea and grits...but wicked is one of my favorite sayings...always a redsox and patritos fan but still am interested in the thrashers, falcons and braves...

here I am single and alone in the South..A New Englander deep in the south...trust me its quite the difference. Even the vocabulary is slightly off.. I am just wanting to meet some people and make some new friends...and God willing maybe the One.