I love thunderstorms..love sitting out and watching them rage on by. I love the smell of rain falling in the middle of the dark sky and seeing the lightening flash and the who world light up in a brief moment. It has not always been that way. I remember huddling in my bed when I was 8 or 9 after being woken up by a storm and being scared with every load thunderclap and shutting my eyes so that I would not see the flash of lightening ( which never worked). One day I realized that I could spend the rest of my life being scared of them or accept their existance and move forward. That day I was at a cross road. I could have the choice of two different directions and had to figure out which road to take and hope that that road will continue to lead me forward. Life gives you a bunch of crossroads. Decisions made that I have to accept the consequences as the road run forward . Am I supposed allow the fears of a previous life govern the decisions I will make for myself in the future. Situations are alwasy different...those people involved are usually new and different... their values are different. They are not like the people in the past and will not respond to similair situations like those in the past did. I am at at a crossroad...do I let my fears dictate how I am to move forward. Do I allow the hurt and pain and the faith that it will happen over and over again. Do I remain stuck in the hell of the yesteryear or move forward into the sunshine of the new day. Its time to take a step forward maybe with caution but still a step forward...for its not my wish to remain on the road that goes to nowhere ..alone and unhappy. I am at a crossroad...each direction has a lure for me...allow myself to see what is out there accepting the journey be solitary and feel OK with that ..or take the road that I know will be solitary and dwell in the memories of the past being scared of the thunderstorm that rushed over me like flames to a dry grassy field. I could take the road giving faith that people are all the same..out to better themselves at the expence of those people whose emotions that they tread on needlessly or with malicious intent or selfish desire or look at the road bearing Faith that there still good people..people who care.. who show concern for their fellowman. There is still good out there.. and love and happiness...I just need to find that road. I am at the crossroads.. choices to be made... I think I have found my road and so must let go of my fears and allow the thunderstorms rage around me and walk forward to the next crossroad knowing that what happens happens for a reason..that its God will that each experience is knowledge gained and lessons learned for that one true test that I must take down that road in order to find what I am looking for. No more must I live in the nightmeres of the past...but enjoy each step I take forward...even moments of fear can become moments of beauty and happiness and love..all it takes is faith that the road I must travel from this crossroad is the correct one...maybe its one I travel alone and maybe its one I will share...it does not matter for the thunderstorm is beautiful even alone...better when shared. I walk in the cave of lions and I will have no fear...only faith that its God's will that the road I must travel will lead me to the next crossroads...

Hmmmmmm.....

Not exactly light hearted or chit chatty stuff here, huh?

You sounds like you are making some life choices.... good luck....