My mother and sister were quite inciteful. My brother was no help what-so-ever!

When you are having a "I Hate My Job" Day...try this.

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy, go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson&Johnson. Be very sure to get this brand.

When you get get home, lock your doors and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair.

Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface, so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins.

Take out the liturature from the box and read it very carefully. You will notice that, in small print, ther is this statement:

"Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson&Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized."

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am SO glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson&Johnson."

Have a nice day and remember, there is always someone else with a job that is more of a pain in the a-s-s than yours.

1) Men are NOT mind readers.

2) Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

3) Sunday sports . It’s like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

4) Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

5) Crying is blackmail.

6) Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

6) Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

7) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

8) A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor.

9) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

10) If you won’t dress like the Victoria ’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

11) If you think you’re fat, you probably are.
Don’t ask us.

12) If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

13) You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know how best to do it, just do it yourself.

14) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

15) Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions, and neither do we.

16) ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

17) If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

18) If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

19) If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

20) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really .

21) Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.

22) You have enough clothes.

23) You have too many shoes.

24) I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Yes...you know who you are. Yes, I know. No, no, I'm not angry. I WOULD like to ask a few favors of you. After all, you are giving it to my wife.

1.) Please stop leaving the toilet seat up. I keep getting the blame and it's starting to get old.

2.) You may be giving me the chanc to go fishing more often but, please stop drinking all my beer. It is fine if you have a couple while you visit (God knows I drink plenty before I find her attractive) but please leave me a few as I have to be there longer than you.

3.) If you drink the last beer, buy more or leave money on the counter. I will pick some up.

4.) Please replace the toilet paper when you use it all. For some reason my 5 year old son believes if it's not there...he doesn't have to wipe. We keep it under the sink, unless you can recommend a better place.

5.) After doing my wife. PLEASE use something other than the basket of clothes on the right. They are mine and are clean, as my wife does not do my laundry. I run out of time rushing to work. Last week my sweatshirt was crusty (thanks).

6.) Please do NOT tell my children you are thier Uncle. They are young...not mentally challenged.

7.) Please stop turning up the heat. You pay nothing and the power company is putting in my a$$. My wife may like it, but I think it hurts.

8.) When she asks, "Do these pants make me look fat?", say NO. You may think giving a different answer will make her think twice about eating a gallon of ice cream a day, but all you are doing is giving her a reason to go buy more pants that she will look just as fat in.

9.) Stop eating the baked goods. The brownies you ate were from my mom for my birthday. My wife has not cooked anything that good in years. And if she does, she will not share.

10.) Try shifting your weight when you sit in my chair. The recliner that I rarely have time for (soccer games and practice, basketball camp for the kids takes much of my time and I try to help with school work too) has a groove in it that forces me to roll to the left.

Lastly, I would like to thank you for taking her to lunch on Valentine's Day. She was not as hungry as usual and only ordered one meal. I may be able to use the money I saved to take the children to a movie. I hope you can help me with these items, it may become awkward if I have to confront her. If you can do this for me, I will give you a heads-up on when I wil be gone and for how long. So you don't feel at all rushed.

P.S.: I am going to take the kids to the Great Wolf Lodge on the 3rd of April for four days. I have a bottle of vodka above the fridge if you find yourself low on beer.

Some ecclesiastical gentlemen~a cardinal, a couple of bishops and some others~ were waiting outside the Pearly Gates for St. Peter to open up.

He finally arrived, but just as they were about to enter heaven, St. Peter asked them to wait a moment and let a new arrival through first.

A sweet young thing in a mini-skirt arrived and was ushered through. The cardinal was a bit upset about this and demanded an explanation from St. Peter. After all, they had been waiting outside for quite some time and were pillars of the church. How could a girl in a mini-skirt deserve better treatment?

St. Peter smiled and told him, "While she was alive, that young lady drove a little yellow sports car. She regularly jumped red lights, overtook others on blind corners, and generally scared the devil out of more people than all of you combined!"

didn't work

Some like having their A-S-S propped in the air!

If only some dam office flunky would have investigated properly.

You could've at LEAST shaved your legs!!!

Serves him right, I suppose.

"Yes, Dear"
Really means..."I'm not falling for the 'Argument Trap'"

It means the thighs are wearing down a path!!

A friend of mine has one of those dogs. She calls it Fabio.

Who says we don't remember the important dates?????

I just copied off my nav bar and added the img front & rear.
Yes... I did have the view image brought up. I'm baffled.

How do you transfer a photo from your own pics folder to here???