lol..... yep its a butterfly....someones got thier mind in the gutter

Pass this butterfly )i( to everyone that has ever made you laugh or made you smile... Hope I get one

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

muhahahahaha

A 6 year old and a 4 year old Are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6 year old. "I think it's about time we started cussing."

The 4 year old nods his head in Approval.

The 6 year old continues, "When we Go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with **** and you say Something with ass."


The 4 year old agrees with Enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the Kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he Replies,

"Aw, ****, Mom, I guess I'll have Some Cheerios."

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, Tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets Up, and runs upstairs crying His eyes out, with his mother; in hot pursuit,Slapping his rear with Every step. His mom locks him in his room andShouts, "You can stay There until I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, Looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want For breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know" he blubbers, "but You can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios."

A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for Christmas Dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart.It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the do g that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and said in a rather stern voice, 'Skippy!'. The woman thought, 'This is great!' and a big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer Rrrrrip.


The father again looked at the dog and yelled, 'Skippy!' Once again the woman smiled and thought 'Yes!' A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let a fart rip that rivaled a train whistle blowing.Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, 'Skippy, get out from under that chair before she ****s on you!'

We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons,"
where:) means a smile and :( is a frown. Sometimes these are
represented by :-) and :-( respectively. Well, how about some "ass
icons"?

Here goes:

(_!_) a regular ass
(__!__) a fat ass
(!) a tight ass
(_._) a flat ass
(_^^^^_) a bubble ass
(_*_) a sore ass
(_!__) a lop-sided ass
{_!_} a swishy ass
(_o_) an ass that's been around
(_O_) an ass that's been around even more
(_x_) kiss my ass
(_X_) leave my ass alone
(_zzz_) a tired ass
(_o^^^^o_) a wise ass
(_13_) an unlucky ass
(_$_) Money coming out of his ass
(_?_) Dumb ass

never heard of gettin crickets in your crotch sounds interesting though

ive got crickets before made me laugh more than the joke i posted...lol

thanks i feel better now

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language
today is the word "****". It is the magical word which, just by its sound can
describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.

In language, "****" falls into many grammatical catagories. It can beused as a
verb both transitive (John ****ed Mary) and intransitive (Mary was ****ed by
John). It can be an action verb (John really gives a ****), a passive verb (Mary
really doesn't give a ****), and adverb (Mary is ****ing interested in John), or as
a noun (Mary is a terrific ****). It can also be used as an interjection (****! I'm
late for my date with Mary). It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy,
**** she's also stupid). As you can see there are very few words with the overall
versitility of the word "****".

Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used To describe
many situations:

1)Greetings................"How the **** are ya?"
2)Fraud...................."I got ****ed by the car dealer."
3)Resignation.............."Oh, **** it!"
4)Trouble.................."I guess I'm ****ed now."
5)Aggression..............."**** YOU!"
6)Disgust.................."**** me."
7)Confusion................"What the ****...?"
8)Difficulty..............."I don't understand this ****ing ****!"
9)Despair.................."****ed again..."
10)Pleasure................"I couldn't be any ****ing happier!"
11)Displeasure............."****ing **** man..."
12)Lost...................."Where the **** are we?"
13)Disbelief..............."UN****INGBELIEVABLE!"
14)Retaliation............."Up your ****ing ass!"
15)Denial.................."I didn't ****ing do it, I swear!"
16)Perplexity.............."I know **** about it."
17)Apathy.................."Who really gives a **** anyway?"
18)Suspicion..............."Who the **** are you?"
19)Panic..................."Let's get the **** out of here!"
20)Directions.............."**** off."
21)Incomprehesion.........."How the **** did you do that?"

It can be an anatomical description............."He's a ****ing asshole."
It can be used to tell time....................."Its five ****ing thirty."
It can be used in business.............."How did I wind up with this ****ing
job?"
It can be maternal......................"MOTHER****ER!"
It can be political....................."**** Newt Gingrich!"

Lastly, it has been used by many notable people throughout history:

"What the **** was that?"
--Mayor of Hiroshima--

"Where did all these ****ing Indians come from?"
--General Custer--

"That's not a real ****ing gun."
--John Lennon--

"Where the **** is all this water coming from?"
--Captian of the Titanic--

"Who the ****'s gonna find out?"
--Richard Nixon--

"Heads are going to ****ing roll!"
--Anne Boleyn--

"Any ****ing idiot could understand that."
--Albert Einstein--

"It does so ****ing look like her!"
--Picasso--

"How the **** did I work that out?"
--Pythagoras--

"You want what on the ****ing ceiling?"
--Michaelangelo--

"**** a duck."
--Walt Disney--

"What do you mean why...becuase its ****ing there!"
--Edmund Hilary--

"Don't ****ing light that..."
--Joan of Arc--

"Scattered ****ing showers my ass."
--Noah--

"I need this parade like I need a ****ing hole in my head."
--John F. Kennedy--

"Houston...we've got a big ****ing problem..."
--Crew of Appollo 13--

21. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
20. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
19. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?
18. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.
17. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police
officer.
16. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
15. Bad cop. No donut.
14. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?
13. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
12. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?
11. Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriends night stand.
10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at
mcdonalds.
9. I pay your salary
8. So uh, you on the take or what?
7. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.
6. Do you know why you pulled me over? okay, just so one of us does.
5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around,
that's how far they are ahead of me.
4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.
3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my
lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out
of control.
2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.
1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full body cavity searches?

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a
stops. On my desk I have a work station...
- Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
- If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
- Does fuzzy logic tickle?
- If they arrested the Energizer Bunny, would they charge it with battery?
- I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
- How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
- How much faith does it take to be an atheist?
- I don't have a solution, but I admire your problem.
- If a tin whistle is made out of tin (and it is), then what,exactly, is
fog horn made out of?
- If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with,
"Quit while you're ahead"?
- If atheists say there is no God, who do they think pops up the next
Kleenex in the box?
- Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
- I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I'm
in the bathroom.
- Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
- What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
- What WAS the best thing before sliced bread?

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a ****ing checking account."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a ****ing checking account now!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank."

"What the hell do you plan to do about it?"

The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to foul language.

They both return to the window and the manager asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"

"There is no ****ing problem," the man says. "I just won 50 million in the damn lottery and I want to open a ****ing checking account in your ****ing bank, okay?"

"I see," says the manager, "and this ***** is giving you a hard time?

no pun intended mirror