If you were 55-65, would you be interested ? Searching for my soulmate. Thank you

Zimmerman's nose never looked broken to me, yet he found a doctor willing to report that it is broken. And one way for the state prosecutor to pretend justice is being served is by purposely filing a charge she knew won't ever stick and sending a grossly unprepared state representative to the bail hearing. Looks like she wants to protect Latinos in Florida.

Perfect

Lawyer "With this evidence, we're sure to win the case!"
Client "Forget it... I told you the other side..."

Man: "Finally, woman! We're Americam citizens!"
Wife: "Good. YOU can wash the dishes..."

First Robber "Tomorrow we rob the Credit Bank."
Second Robber "We can't - that's where WE have an account..."

The European Commission has announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f".. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'

Perfect!

My son and I went to Chicago in ' 05 and stayed at a hotel, more of a dive, an hour and a half from the city center, in spite of the Greek travel agency's

assurances we'd be a short drive from downtown.

The hotel provided us with a shuttle bus to the train station. The driver looked like someone out of The Blues Brothers, with long curly hair past his shoulders,

clothes that had seen better days and shoes I didn't think would make the drive.

We get in and the driver, after skillfully executing an illegal U-turn smack in the middle of a main thoroughfare, comments, " Ain't NOBODY gonna tell ME what to do! "

The only other passenger in the bus is a new arrival from somewhere in Asia, who timidly asks the driver, in halting English, to please explain how to get a ticket at the

train station.

It was tragic. Neither of them could understand the other, and the tension in the air built up until steam was coming out of the driver's ears, my son and I helplessly

giggling quietly in the back.

Finally we arrive at the station. The poor foreigner, having realised he wasn't getting anywhere with the driver, exits the bus in a huff, slamming the door, whereupon

the driver lets loose a string of colourful expletives, suddenly becomes aware of our presence in the back, turns around and says:

" YA ALL AIN'T GONNA SAY NUTIN TO THE BOSS, ARE YA ? "

We shake our heads solemnly in a reassuring way, becoming bosom buddies with the driver for life.

Back in the nineties, I forget which year, I was walking downtown Victoria, B.C., amd I came to a pedestrian crossing. Being used to Greece, I waited for the traffic to clear so I could

cross the road. At one point I put a foot down from the sidewalk onto the road, the way I would in Greece, in preparation for crossing when the traffic cleared. All of a sudden,

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

EVERYBODY CAME TO A SCREECHING HALT. HOW EMBARRASSING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I took a tentative step, then another one, then I realised I was DELAYING everyone and I QUICKLY crossed, laughing HYSTERICALLY to myself. I had forgotten that drivers in Canada

don't see pedestrians as roadkill...

Pedestrian/zebra crossings in Greece are simply white lines on the road intended to fool
unsuspecting tourists into thinking they can reach the opposite side of the road in relative safety, while
midway across, like a deer caught in headlights, they suddenly become aware, with stunning clarity, of the urgent necessity of developing the speed of an Olympic sprinter in order to avoid ending up splattered across someone's windshield.

Help! I can't find my profile in a quick search, but I exist...

Username: gartag. Check out my profile, if you can find it. I couldn't...