Sorrow flowing into more sorrow form tide pools of pain.
Memories flooding the mind, blurring the sane from the insane.
A broken heart does not die quietly, each piece pulsating in anguish.
Prayers for release of this unending torture are an unanswered wish.
Many little orbs for pain or sleep fail to aid me to the end.
My actions and reactions I cannot explain or defend.
A parent losing a child is a hell I do not want to share.
Making myself a sacrifical lamb was not the way to show I care.
I was not intending, Kindred Spirit,a betrayal of trust.
The mask of discord I donned, only because I felt I must.
If nothing else to keep you out of my private hell.
The illusion of that I'm coping is sometimes a fragile shell.
The hardest thing I ever did was shut the door as you walked away.
When what I really wanted to do was run to you and beg you to stay.

Stacey LeGrand
May 2008

OK I screwed up trying to just quote the middle part of the poem . What I wanted to say was that it is very hard to let go of fear in a relationship especially a new one. But if you don't let go of the fear it is the fear that will drive the one you love away. Been there and done that.

That's one way to release your inner ho!

A song I wrote when I felt I was being out shone by a boyfriend until he went away and I realized how dark my life was without him.
Dark Side Of The Moon

Pale ghost of the moon
Hangs in the midday sky
I can't shine as bright as you
No matter how hard I try
Solaris always burns so bright
Luna just reflects his light
Sol has gone on his own
Diana left to rule alone
My love for you ebbs and flows
But I have no where to go
Since you have gone away
Night runs after day
Dark are my thoughts
Dark is my heart
Dark is my life
While we are apart
I reach for the sun
On a cold rainy day
I reach for the sun
But he won't shine today
Day swallows the night
In the shadows I would stay
Shining in your light
In your shadows I would stay
If you'd come back tonight

Love or sex? Hmmmm? I'm getting a divorce and haven't had sex in three years but then I wasn't in love with him either. Now I'm involved with a gay man where there is love but not much sex. And I'm the kind of person who could stay with him and be faithful but he did a "dry run" of breaking up me last night. You know..."I'm not good for you baby but I 'm here until you find someone else." In the long run love is better than sex but in the short run sometimes "just" sex feels better than love. Sometimes I would take sex just for tonight in the hope that tommorow would bring me a lasting love.

I feel like such a total idiot. I'm guessing the reason I can't post my picture from the disc the drugstore gave me is that I need to download it first? My husband (we're getting a divorce) used to do all of that for me. I could ask him but would rather not. I'm trying hard to learn to do things on my own and not be dependent on him.