My older daughter's father and I were engaged and then I got pregnant and then he cheated on me and left me for someone 10 years older. I got my own place, worked throughout my pregnancy (i wish i could have during my 2nd) and never heard from him for the rest of the 8 months. So I moved about 4 hours away, came to visit the city when my baby was 2 days old and called him. He was such a jerk and didn't even want to see his daughter since he had no say in her name (a phone call would have been nice) Long story short, since I still lived 4 hours away, his new gf (the one he cheated on me with) used to call me to arrange visits, I used to drive the 4 hours here, let him have her the weekend, and then drive back. On one visit, I realized instead of them driving her back (which was gonna be the 1st time) we would have to be in town like 2 weeks after, so called and offered him the choice even though this was only his 3rd visit with her. He called back and said he was just going to keep her since no one had custody!! Anyway, custody time comes, since the long distance at 17 months, after 3 visits, he gets her 2 weeks I get her 2 weeks! After I moved into the area, went back to court, they kept it the same, even after I had proof that the 2 weeks he had her he was dropping her off at his aunt's house to care for her the whole 2 weeks, and there were some serious concerns about the way she was being fed!

Thank god he has signed his rights over! Even though I didn't like him, etc., I still gave him a chance with his daughter, which sometimes, the courts still have a hard time dealing with!

But now, I was married for 3 years, and everytime I used to have a disagreement with my ex (usually about his excessive drinking) he would threaten to take the kids, disappear and take me for child support. I had never threatened to take his kids away from him, ever or take him for child support!

But can you imagine if my ex hadn't signed his rights over what would have happened? It could have been a toss up (the only reason I didn't get primary at the time was due to a juvenille offense my then hubby had-- his dad was beating his mom when he was 15 and he interfered, my ex's lawyer actually asked if he was drinking at the time, yea, 15, drinking, gets arrested and no record )

Anyway, point of story, I understand both sides of the story and think every person, with exceptions should get to see their kids, I would just strongly advise something in writing and as much of a chore it is, a writing log. Communicate by email if possible, I know my ex sent me quite a few that would have "buried" him in court.