Let him without is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone
at her.

Do you see this woman? You gave Me no water for My feet, but she has wet
My feet with her tears, and wiped them with her hair. You gave Me no
kiss, but she, since the time I came in, has not ceased to kiss My feet.
You did not anoint My head with oil, but she anointed My feet with
perfume. For this reason I say to you, her sins, which are many, have
been forgiven, for she loved much; but he who is forgiven little, loved
little.

Therefore I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe
that you have received it, and they shall be granted to you. And
whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against
anyone; so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your
transgressions.

For if you forgive men their transgressions, your heavenly Father will
also forgive you; but if you do not forgive men, then your Father will
not forgive your transgressions.

It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are
sick. But go and learn what this means, I desire compassion and not
sacrifice, for I did not come to call the righteous but sinners.

If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him; and if
he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times
saying ‘I repent’, forgive him.

So also my heavenly Father will do to you if you do not forgive your
brother from your heart.

What really happens to you when you die is this:

Immediately upon death, two angels are assigned to guard you as you get
used to the fact that you are dead. For about three days, you are
allowed to wander to places and people who are significant to you.

It is during this period that people have strange experiences where they
see or hear a recently deceased person. These experiences follow an
interesting pattern. In general, the person who has the experience is
not the person who loved the deceased the most, but the person whom the
deceased loved the most. These phenomena are extremely common, but we
don’t talk about them. If you have had an experience like this, rest
assured that you are completely normal.
After you have gotten your bearings, the two angels take you on a tour
of Paradise and Hades, and then assist you as you undergo what is called
a “particular judgment” (a provisional individual judgment) to determine
whether you wait for the Resurrection and the Last Judgment in Hades or
in Paradise. This process takes some time and generally ends on the
fortieth day after death.
I hope this helps.
P.Christopher

An American Soldier...

Because i see now...like i've never seen before...the blinders are
off...the eyes are wide...my heart is open...gut wrenching...and
horrible...a problem we caused...that we have to end...and i wonder...at
what cost...how many more will die...how many more will fight...how many
more will feel the unquenched disbelief at this new situation...this
situation that isn't exactly panning out like we might have imagined...i
here the small arms fire...i feel the explosions...the 'war' has slapped
me in the face everyday that i woke up here...it has affected me...it
will continue to affect for the rest of my life...i know all to well
that people...iraqis...and americans...are dying everyday...i see the
smoke from the car bombs...i feel the hurt in my heart...

they are dying here...these people...humans...us...americans
i'de like to be home...in america...the country i love...the country
that gives me worth...the country that i would fight and die for to
protect...
it is sad but is true...this life is to hard for most soldiers loved
ones...and for some soldiers
there is no waiting loved one on the other side of the earth...or a
little apartment and a truck with 20 inch rims...there isn't an escape
back into a missed life, so we stay and fight.
remembering...
That all gave some, some gave all...
P. Christopher

When my son died my husband and I cried and held each other, My husband
then stopped crying, talking and laughing. I could not understand how he
turned off his emotions and I started to hate and blame him. He on the
other hand went more into himself. I was so caught up in myself that I
lost him. I could never go back to the way it was before. I was feeling
more alone than I had ever felt in my life, I now had to move forward. I
now know that parents each suffer a special burden at the time of loss,
but even in marriage, each parent must seek and find support in his or
her own way. It is difficult for parents whose agony seems to be
crushing their every breath to be thoughtful, compassionate, and
supportive of anyone else, including each other. We need to recognize
that grief is not a time when you can lean on your spouse or your
children.

Give each other the space to individualize your sorrow. From the moment
a child is born, parents feel a sense of responsibility. When your child
dies, you blame yourself because somehow you failed in this most sacred
trust by not keeping your child out of harms way. You feel that your
child's death somehow resulted from a failure on your part. Anger often
mixes with this guilt and it is not always clear where to direct the
anger and rage you feel. My first reaction was it should have been me,
not my child and the other reaction was how can that one be having a
child, she is not as good a person or mother as I would have been. Why
God can she have all these children and my child was taken. So many
questions, no answers. A baby shower was the worst thing that you could
ask me too. My anger and hatred was so deep that I constantly thought
this is not fair. Why them and not me. Who could be happy for someone
else, when so many emotions are running through your mind. I have been
told by other parents who lost children that they are angry at the child
for going away and leaving them with all this suffering. I have also
heard and felt that a new child in the family was the worst thing that
could happen to me. How could I feel joy for them and their new child
when I was so unhappy. As soon as these thoughts surface, however, the
guilt they produce pushes them back inside themselves. Confusion is
another emotion that we deal with. When all these emotions are vented in
a safe way, anger can and is a healthy emotion. Anger is essential to
express without causing danger or harm to yourself or others. Some
people feel better if they can make a lot of noise. One mother told me
she could not stand being alone and quiet. Some people feel better if
they have a lot of noise around. It is understandable to feel tremendous
anger toward God for the tragedy that has fallen on you. I would go to
Church and cry all the way through Mass. Write a letter to God
expressing your anger, with time you will come to realize that God did
not cause your suffering but rather suffers with you. I wrote many
letters to God during my grief and then would sit with a big ashtray and
burn them. It made me feel better that no one would see the terrible
thoughts and feelings I was having towards God, but burning them also
gave me a sense of freedom.Keep a journal, express your outrage, your
guilt, your fear. Whatever you are feeling, it will take time to work
through all the powerful emotions of grief. In the meantime, be gentle
with yourself. Allow others to help. Try to find a trusted and
understanding friend, tell them how you feel, share your fears, grief
and feelings that you think are utterly stupid. You will have found the
right person when you can say over and over how you feel and that person
just listens, cries with you and then reaches out to you. No one will be
able to take the pain away, but for someone to just listen helps you to
hear yourself also.

More to come as it comes to me...
Good day
P. Christopher Jade

To Be Whole Again
A Journey To Peace

This will be a drastic entry and I felt that the pain that a good
friend had felt, deserved writing about.
See, my pain is some what similar and sometimes God does give us more
than we can handle.

I was hurting, I could not breathe anymore, I found myself taking deep
breaths constantly, I questioned my mortality daily. I regretted, I
hurt, I grieved I was angry. It was like a giant fog was enveloping me,
and only me. I wanted this ride to stop, I wanted to get off, I wanted
it all to end, I had had enough of living and pain. Before I realized it
a year had passed, Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter had passed. Children
had been born and family had passed on, Where was I? Where had I been? I
realized everyone else was continuing on around me, the world had not
stopped because I had, I was the one who had stopped living. As each
day came, something woke up inside of me and then it was like a slap in
the face, "life does move on, people I knew had moved on, family had
moved on, I was in a time warp. And then I started seeing the sun
glowing a beautiful orange, stars at night, butterflies, lakes,
children, I was alive again It was like I was a bear hibernating
through the long winter months, I woke up to beauty all around, I
realized that God gives us a new day everyday to start again, not to
forget everything that hurts, but to move on and see good in the days
ahead. When my son died I thought I died too. If you had Said to be
that it would get better, and believe me people did or You will have
more children I probably would have said "You don't understand how I
feel, how can I get better, I will never be the same person again". The
tender love of a parent for a child may be the purest and most
sacrificial kind of love that any human being can know. A mother shared
with me that when a child dies you have a funeral in your heart everyday
for the rest of your life, she said that the only thing that got better
where the eulogies, as the years went on the memories were happier and
not so intense or sad but they were still played out in the heart and
mind. I now know that it is precisely because of this intense bond with
a child that parents grieve so deeply when their child dies, this I find
is regardless of age or circumstance. When you lose a child, words
cannot begin to heal your broken heart or take away your pain, but with
time, healing does happen. My mind and emotions were shielded by shock.
I am now thankful that we all have this shield. There is a calm feeling
of unreality. The numbness I felt permitted me to make decisions and
choices in a fog like state. I really believed this was a bad dream from
which I would awaken and everything would be as it had been before.
Looking back in retrospect, I now call this time of grieving "Mind
Insulation" I believe it is one of the ways that we as parents can get
through this time. The pain in your heart needs to be allowed to creep
in a little at a time according to your timetable of acceptance not
anyone else's timetable for you. There are many different responses to
the pain or grief that you feel. Some people mourn with visible
suffering, while others internalize their sorrow. The outward signs of
your sadness do not always reflect how you feel on the inside. My own
grief was so deep that I could not even carry through every day events.
I cried a lot on my own, but tears hurt, my heart and soul was so badly
damaged that it actually hurt to shed tears. Nothing in my life made
sense, even daily routines were too much for me to carry through. I went
on but I did not function as a "so-called" normal person. I would try to
do things only to end up on the couch laid out as a vegetable on a
buffet table, no emotions, no energy. I would watch soap operas and cry
over others tragedies, I would watch commercials with babies and fall
apart and cry for hours on end in a empty house. I entered the dream
world of TV land, where happy endings where a half hour away and
wondered why my happy ending had not yet come.
I will continue this tonight. Alot more to be told.
P. Christopher Jade

I wonder...

Wonder, to ponder or deliberate at length.

As you might know, deliberating at length often leads us down any
variety of intriguing mental pathways in the altered state and into the
most delightful past time known as day dreaming. I remember one time
being told that as long as I daydreamed, I would never amount to
anything, and I was just wasting my time.
It is precisely during one of those glorious forays that I chanced
upon a little known pathway, of my mind. Not expecting to find another
soul in MY secluded world, I asked who are you...
I wonder.
You wonder who you are; don't you know.
Of course, I wonder.
Well, of course!
Suddenly it was all so clear; I wonder.
That part of us that somehow never looses our child-like curiosity. That
part of us that somehow remains the innocent, in awe of a raindrop, or a
snowflake. It is that part that is surprised, believes in Santa... that
dares to dream...to feel... to risk being hurt, and yet knows it will
survive, even triumph.
It is that part of us that says: I wonder what would happen if;

I wonder what would happen if someone said, Have a nice day, and
really meant it.
I wonder what would happen if the sky was red instead of blue, and
if birds swam and fish flew.
I wonder if I look inside myself, will I find divinity, or a dark
shadow.
I wonder if I close my eyes real tight, will the world disappear.
Will I be all right?
I wonder what would happen if we humans could truly love
unconditionally, like a puppy or kitten. Would society go to the dogs?
I wonder what would happen if all the clocks in the world, really
stopped. What would it feel like to really be in the moment?
I wonder what would happen if the sky really fell. Who would be
there to pick it up? What would happen to today?
I wonder what would happen if I truly believe that I have no limits.
What excuse would I have for achieving less than miracles? Would I even
need one?
I wonder what would happen if, in middle age, I realize that I
didn't become my parent. I became me.

I wonder if Mother Earth's children can move from evolving through
pain, misery and suffering, to evolving through love, joy and
compassion.
I wonder when we are going to realize, that we think about
ourselves. I wonder if we can save us from ourselves.
I wonder what would happen if I said I love you instead of thank you
and goodbye.

I wonder is the ultimate expression of self... it's when you take I
wonder and turn it into; I am. It's the power to take your world and
make it what you envision the world to be...
Just think what would happen if everyone did this.
P.Christopher Jade

To never take one minute for granted, 'cause it can be stripped from
you in an instant.