Heres a good trick on the subject of mind reading, finish the questions below, before moving on, you will be surprised.

What is 6+3?
What is 9+9?
What is 18+4?
what is 22+2?

Now what is the first vedgetable that comes into your head?

Mail me or IM me, and I will tell you the vedgetable :)
Actually just kidding, you were thinking of something that Bugs always eats, a carrot. The reason, think of the numbers to the answers, what do they have in common? The association and conditioning is already there with the numbers, I am just playing on it.

Try it on your friends, although write down the answer before you do the trick and make sure they do not see it, at the end, show them your prediction. They will be impressed. I been using this trick on and off in my act for about 10 years, it always amazes.
Sometimes though for some bizarre reason some people will pick a potato, so it might be worth having this written down in another pocket for a truly amazing surprise.
:)

I was in the Docs, and I told him that I want to live for a hundred years.
He asked me if I smoke, I replied no.
He asked me if I drink, I replied no.
He asked me about girls, I replied no, none.
He then said, if you don't smoke, don't drink and also theres no girls, why the ***k do you want to live for a hundred years?


“Daddy, I’d like to help an old man. Can I have some money? A dollar maybe two?
“Well done my son! That is a very nice gesture! Here’s 5 quid. Now where is that poor man?”
“He’s down the street selling ice cream!”


A kid was crying sitting outside his house. A passer by asked:
Why are you crying?
Kid: My parents are fighting inside the house.
Passer By: Who is your dad?
Kid: That is what the fight is about.

textmefree.com is a good one, so is CBFSMS.com (Remember to put the country code in and drop the 1st zero though)

They should do it for you. Although they arent always 100% reliable, CBF though tells you if it has been delivered.

Hope it helps :)

I got chocolate paint, and a cup to take it the sperm bank, they pay good money these days.... Apparently.

Reporting in :)

Im a brit, in NW of England, (Although I try not to admit it)

Your right it would suck, even though Russell is a good comedian, he is a crap actor.

O'Brien is awesome, met him once at a show a few years ago, I didnt realise though that he is 70 this year!

And today, I was in my local pizza shop, not a big chain, just a little local one here in Carlisle.

The guy ahead of me had ordered a small pizza, he was asked if he wanted cut into 4 or 6 slices, after a bit of thought, (and I could seriously here his brain whirring!) He said 4 slices, he didn't think he was hungry enough to eat 6!

I had to stifle a laugh.

Dirty Johnny and his friends were enrolled in sex education. During the lecture, the teacher kept referring to a "penis". It was "penis" this and "penis" that. The class behaved as if it understood.

Immediately following class, all the students gathered around Dirty Johnny. "Johnny, what's a penis?" Nobody had a clue. Dirty Johnny said he would ask his Dad when he got home.

When Dirty Johnny got home, his Dad was there. "Dad, what's a 'penis'?" His father unzips his trousers, shows Johnny his dick and says, "This is a perfect penis." Johnny replied, "Thanks, Dad. I'll tell my friends tomorrow in school."

The next day, all the students gathered around. "What did your Dad say, Dirty Johnny?" Johnny promptly unzips his trousers and shows all his classmates his dick. "This is a penis. And if it were two inches shorter, it would be the perfect penis!"

If Aliens aren't real how do we explain David Cameron? And most of the British Government.

If the city of London controls the finance of the world, then its really no wonder we are in a recession.

To be honest we are all slaves to the Governments.

I once watched a very interesting article on Youtube, the history of your enslavement.

Its worth a watch, and it does give a lot of food for thought.

And seriously David Icke?!? The dude said on national tv he was the 2nd coming at one stage. I do watch his lectures, but only for entertainment purposes. Ever since he said he was the 2nd coming, I cant take him seriously.

If you want fuel for the alien theory, check out the nasa minutes from apollo 11, when the shuttle went round the back of the moon and we lost comms with them, they still had the black box running which recorded all the conversations between the astronauts. Nasa said this went 'Missing', but somehow they typed up the minutes, and have released it under the foia.
In those minutes, the astronauts talk about lights on the moon, and things they observed on the darkside of the moon.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qM3xOu9HRU
http://www.jsc.nasa.gov/history/mission_trans/mission_transcripts.htm

RHPS completed my education :) It truly is a rite of passage.

I introduced my ex to it last november, she didn't get it.

I am all for remakes, but I think they should leave this one alone, I dont think anyone can beat Tim Curry's performance in it.

IMHO it was his best work, he did get a lot of practice though being in the original stage show.

If you had the chance who would you cast as Frank n Furter in the remake and why?

Wish we had that here, when we all protested in 2000 about the prices, within less than a week Garages round me ran out and stayed out for the rest of the protest. Petrol and diesel was around 78p then, and we all moaned, the Government caved in and reduced it by a few pence (I think about 6p).

Today its 1.43 a litre of diesel, and if we protest and stop the fuel, the Government can call in the army and police to disperse the protest.
Sometimes I feel like Britain is actually North Korea in disguise.

Give David Cameron a few years and a pair of specs, and I reckon he will be the spitting image of our late, Dear Leader.

I agree with the hemp statement, before the oil moguls helped make it illegal it, Hemp was Americas biggest export. I remember reading something somewhere that it can be used as a fuel in a diesel engine, I was doing some late night weird googling so cant remember the source :(

Like the others have said, we really cant afford another war, we just finished Libya & Iraq, and we are still in Afghan. Another one would bankrupt all western economies.

And $5 a gallon, its still better than ours over here. Can you mail order fuel? :) Is it super taxed like us over here? We pay 80% tax on fuel in the UK. For every £10 we spend on fuel, £2 is for the petrol, £8 is for the tax man, it sux to be British right now. :(
Bring back Maggie!

It will still be an excuse for the British Government to increase the price at pumps as well though I fear.
When Hague announced the import embargo of Iranian oil, diesel hit its all time high of £1.49 a litre (Approx $2.36 a litre)

Although to be fair, Iran has said that it will stop supplying the EU now rather than the June deadline the EU imposed.

I dont think we should be worrying about Israel attacking Iran, I think it would be a coalition move from Nato, led by Team America and France.
Just like what they did in Libya. Personally I think Gaddafi was misunderstood, he did a lot of good for his people, he might have been a bit loon, but at least he wasn't afraid to stand up to the bigger nations. Any leader that gives free electric and new couples 50K for a house when they get married has my vote! David Cameron if you ever read this, take note.

I have a suspicion that this time next year, fuel will be £2 a litre.

Roll on biofuels!

How much is fuel per gallon in the US? Here in UK it is - £5.36 a gallon which is about - $8.90.