haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa SHE PUT YOU ON FRONT STREET

"YOU A SEX ADDICT"

LMAO damn potna it aint that serious...at least WOMEN like you..some guys have it worse

the difference between FAKE ASS friends and REAL friends



FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for food.

REAL FRIENDS: are the reason you have no food.



FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs

REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM



FAKE ASS FRIENDS: bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.

REAL FRIENDS: Would sit next to you sayin "Damn ... we ****ed up ... but that **** was fun!"



FAKE ASS FRIENDS: never seen you cry.

REAL FRIENDS: cry with you



FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.

REAL FRIENDS: keep your **** so long they forget its yours.



FAKE ASS FRIENDS: know a few things about you.

REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you.



FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.



FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"



FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile.

REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.



FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.

REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "***** drink the rest of that you know we don't waste."



FAKE ASS FRIENDS: will talk **** to the person who talks **** about you.

REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuQQ ouT

1:43 the tricks are with me

9:55

If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope you're sitting down when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!! We have all had bad dates but this one takes the cake.


Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was midwinter ... snowing and quite cold .. and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before.
The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she shouldn't have had that extra latte.
They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.
Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car. They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't
have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.
Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.
Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about 'what is taking so long' with a reply that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some assistance! He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!
Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.
As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be 'pants down.'
And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment...
'This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.'
Oh, and how did the first date turn out?
He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.

1

Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply . "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets


2
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep b y the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider", looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

3
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and it should be fine . The mother says, I just gave him some ant killer..... Dispatcher: Rush him in to emergency room!

If you didnt graduate highschool or cant read on a 3rd grade level u wont understand ..SORRY

11:35 YOU SUCH A LIE

8:36

7:13 the cowboys are my favorite TEAM

8:31

11:28 that rhyme was really great

8:27

Okay heres how it works

Person1: 11:42

Person2: who the hell are you
8.45
Person3: trying to make it rhyme

(got it? if theres a time like 12:00, just rhyme with the number before the ":")

okay i'll start with this time
8:22

LMAOOOO its oohrah..thanx bruh

Do you know my CO no you dont!! and i don't have to change how i talk this is hwo i am...thanks....

preciate it

I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went into a

drugstore to buy a package of condoms. There was a beautiful

woman behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at

it. She handed me the package and asked, if I knew how to wear

one. I honestly answered, "No." So she unwrapped the package,

took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to

make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked

confused. So, she looked all around the store. It was empty. She

said, "Just a minute," and walked to the door, and locked it.

Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her

blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside.

She asked, "Do these excite you?" Well, I was so dumbstruck

that all I could do was nod my head. She then said, it was time to

slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt,

removed her panties and laid down on a desk. "Well, come on,"

she insisted, "we don't have much time." So I climbed on her. It

was so wonderful that unfortunately, I could noLonger hold back,

and pow, I was done within a few minutes. She looked at me

with a frown. "Did you put that condom on?" I replied, "I sure

did," and held up my thumb to show her

Whats going down?My name is A.G. (TRULYFE) , just here to meet cool people, don't come at me sideways and we will have no problem. I'm currently overseas (USMC).Anything else that pops to ya head ask me.......YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA GET IT!!!

LIVE LYFE, LIVE TRU TRULYFE