"The Best Christmas Pageant Ever"

I know, I know!!!!! Isn't it?!?!!?? Lord, I had tears running down my face when I read this the first time. Absolutely cracked me up!

Part 1: HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


Part 2: HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her while making the woo-woo sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse the snot off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a shampoo Mohawk.

Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.

Throw wet towel on her pillow.




If there did not at least make you smirk (because of the truth in it!), there is something wrong. LOL Have a great day!

Oh, and....woo woo!!!

Sadly you guys are all probably right - OSU should and likely will win! But what kind of fan would I be if I didn't remain loyal to my team?!!?!???

All I know is that my one little private picture surely wasn't private because of COURSE, I got one of those wonderful "Seems you have a picture of what all men are looking for" crappy messages from a guy who seemingly overlooked all 10+ pictures of my FACE!

Awwwwww. My poor Tigers aren't getting ANY love!!! Guess I'll have to go get my pom poms and cheer for them myself!

Buenos Dias everyone!!!

I'm going nighty night. Gotta be up in about 5 hours for work.

Well sorry to hear your stove is less than cooperative...but glad you've found a solution that doesn't require you getting out into the Christmas insanity of the retail world!

Hot plate?? Meaning electric burner?

Yes ma'am, yes ma'am!

so......what do people talk about at 1 and 2 am in the morning??

Yall are some night owls!! It's 1:18 am here. Goodness.

Ladies, at least yall have his number!!!

Woohoo! Lucky girl! (Maybe he'll have Rolos)

How old is she?

I'd like flowers too please.

Hi everyone. Ok for me to come back in?

My weekend was nice also. Gentry (my 2 1/2 year old) and I took it easy which was nice. Walmart last night and a REALLY pleasant experience there, believe it or not - NO ONE in the checkout lane when I got to it! Woohoo! Church today. And FOOTBALL!!! (My Saints lost, BUT LSU is playing in the national championship - woohoo!!!!)